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#43
07-06-2006, 04:49 PM
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Re: She left me
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] The only thing I can say is hang in there. No one can really give you advice in this situation, as you mentioned, because who are we to say what you should do? Nevertheless, from the sounds of your post, your wife has probably already made up her mind, which I know is tough. I sincerely hope you'll be able to pick up and move on. One thing I learned from my parent's divorce, is that while it was painful and sucked at the time, I think both of them are better off now, years later, because they got out of a situation similar to yours, where they had fallen out of love. Good luck with your situation, and kudos for airing this out in the open - that takes a lot of strength in and of itself. [/ QUOTE ] Very nice post Nolan. GA - I'm really sorry to hear about this. Your mind is going to be rushing towards every possibility - but don't blame yourself for this in anyway. If your wife has fallen out of love with you, barring any extreme circumstances or behavior on your part... I don't think there's much you could have done to change the course of your relationship. It's likely the inevitable outcome of the dynamic you shared with her for many years... and while it's very depressing, it does say something about how compatible you are for each other going-forward. That being said, take it one step at a time, and see where further counseling / discussion with her may lead. They say there are 3 components to a successful marriage: 1) familial-friendship love; 2) romantic love; 3) commitment. I think you have to ask yourself how likely it is all 3 will be there in the future with her. Best of luck, -Al [/ QUOTE ] This is an excellent post, and pretty much covers everything I could say. 
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#44
07-06-2006, 04:50 PM
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Re: She left me
[ QUOTE ]
She told me she didn’t feel comfortable being touched by me. [/ QUOTE ] man, this line just kills me. I am really sorry for all this and hope you find peace.
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#46
07-06-2006, 04:54 PM
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Re: She left me
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] She told me she didn’t feel comfortable being touched by me. [/ QUOTE ] man, this line just kills me. I am really sorry for all this and hope you find peace. [/ QUOTE ] And the reason she feels this way is that whenever the OP touches her, she feels guilty about what she's doing. Many women can only be intimate with one man at a time. Guys are better at separating sex from intimacy, but most women cannot.
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#47
07-06-2006, 04:57 PM
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Re: She left me
Its fine that you want to work it out and try to patch it up, everyone knows that in long term relationships there are highs and sometimes big lows. With commitment and compromise things can and do get worked out.
However both parties have to really want it and be prepared to fight for it, from what you have said that isnt the case here, she has lived with this for months and its good its finally out in the open, however hurtful to you, but I suspect now that it is out she isnt going to change her mind. My advice would be to try and get the relationship resolved as amicabley as possible and try and move on. Make sure you talk to friends etc a lot of people can end up getting depressed, this is the thing you maybe will have to fight, getting your own feelings into order, the feelings of rejection, whats wrong with me for this to happen etc etc, the reality probably is that its not down to anything you have or havent done, its just the cycle of some relationships. I hope things work out for you and that you can try and stay positive and move on as quick as possible. I have seen a horrible divorce up close, if you can I would try and keep the split as clean and on good terms as you can. Bad divorces and splits only serve to tear both parties apart there are no real winners even if one gets the most money etc.
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#48
07-06-2006, 04:57 PM
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Re: She left me
GA,
That sucks so royally hard. As hard as this is going to be, this time and situation are going to pass, and you will emerge at the other side of it. While I'm normally a big fan of drinking heavily in times of crisis, you're going to be much better off trying to remain as clear-headed as possible. Alcohol is only going to make you feel worse. To that end, some counselling on your own isn't a terrible idea, aside from the couples stuff. It sounds like you don't like yourself very much right now, and maybe you haven't for a while, and I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. Keep breathing, keep putting one foot ahead of the other, and don't give up on yourself. Even if she ends up leaving for good, you'll still be putting your head down on a pillow every night, and you need to be on good terms with yourself to get through this.
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#49
07-06-2006, 04:58 PM
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Re: She left me
[ QUOTE ]
I've seen an almost carbon copy situation in my own extended family recently, and in that case, the wife was also having an affair. FWIW. [/ QUOTE ] Quite frankly, I can't think of a single similar situation where the woman *wasn't* having an affair. I don't mean to make the OP feel any worse than how he's feeling, but I really think he needs to seriously entertain this possibility. If he can prove to himself that she's having an affair (or if she admits to it), it'll hurt like hell, but it might make it easier for him to move on. I suggest hiring a PI to follow her around for a bit. If she's having an affair, it won't take long for it to be discovered.
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