She left me

[By-Tor]

Sorry this happened to you, but my advice has not changed...

Seek a lawyer.

[prohornblower]

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PS Check out astro's thread of Next Door Nikki I you will feel better I promise

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I'm at work but I can't wait to check this out at home. I've never seen NDN naked. Is the thread worth it?

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If you really wanna see her naked it delivers

NT

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..Then I will also be delivering some DNA to my keyboard.

[Aloysius]

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The only thing I can say is hang in there. No one can really give you advice in this situation, as you mentioned, because who are we to say what you should do? Nevertheless, from the sounds of your post, your wife has probably already made up her mind, which I know is tough. I sincerely hope you'll be able to pick up and move on.

One thing I learned from my parent's divorce, is that while it was painful and sucked at the time, I think both of them are better off now, years later, because they got out of a situation similar to yours, where they had fallen out of love.

Good luck with your situation, and kudos for airing this out in the open - that takes a lot of strength in and of itself.

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Very nice post Nolan.

GA - I'm really sorry to hear about this. Your mind is going to be rushing towards every possibility - but don't blame yourself for this in anyway. If your wife has fallen out of love with you, barring any extreme circumstances or behavior on your part... I don't think there's much you could have done to change the course of your relationship. It's likely the inevitable outcome of the dynamic you shared with her for many years... and while it's very depressing, it does say something about how compatible you are for each other going-forward.

That being said, take it one step at a time, and see where further counseling / discussion with her may lead.

They say there are 3 components to a successful marriage: 1) familial-friendship love; 2) romantic love; 3) commitment. I think you have to ask yourself how likely it is all 3 will be there in the future with her.

Best of luck,
-Al

[I.Rowboat]

I am sorry for you [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

FWIW (which will probably be little comfort), my brother went through a similar situation with his former wife -- they married right out of college and spent 7 semi-miserable years together before she declared she wasn't attracted to him, didn't love him any more, and demanded a divorce. He was devastated, but they had been having problems for years and never seemed to make any progress on their issues, despite therapy and counseling. That was four years sgo. He's now remarried to the woman of his dreams -- funny, smart, attractive - has a beautiful 5 month old baby boy, and couldn't be happier.

Hang in there; things will get better.

[Georgia Avenue]

drew: Neither of us could stomach "Open Marriage" or anything like that. Even if she did cheat on me, it wasn't becuase she just wants more sex. She just doesn't want me.

casper, others: We don't have a lot of assets, and what we do have she's welcome to. I doubt it will come to that, but if so, meh. My bankroll is well hidden, and I've been poor before.

Aces: You're right, I don't really want to prolong the torture. If she says she's done, then I'll probably give up too.

[Kneel B4 Zod]

this sucks dude.

you don't have any kids, right?

I'm not sure what advice I can give, except to say that you will ultimately be happier being with someone who loves you as much as you love them.

this isn't much help to you know...but hopefully you can look back and agree

[DrewDevil]

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We don't have a lot of assets, and what we do have she's welcome to. I doubt it will come to that, but if so, meh. My bankroll is well hidden, and I've been poor before.


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You need a lawyer anyway.

If you are deposed and asked about assets or whatever, and you lie about your bankroll, you would be committing perjury.

If you own a house, that's a significant enough asset to worry about, seriously.

And close those joint accounts asap.

[Bluffoon]

I've been through this twice. My advice. Don't let her walk all over you. Loving someone doesnt make it alright for them to [censored] all over you. Let her know you want to save the marriage but not at the cost to your dignity.

Decide what's important to you and let her know what you expect of her. Listen to her and hear what she is saying. If you can give her what she is asking for and it is worth it to you do it and expect her to hold up her end of the bargain.

Be prepared though, for in my experience and from what I have seen, when things get to the point where you are its usually over. Sorry, hopefully like me, you will look back on this and realize that it was the best thing that could ever happen to you. Good luck.

[Georgia Avenue]

Dids: I am not a pragmatist, you're right. But neither, I thought, was she. I wouldn't have married her if I thought it was possible that something like this could happen. She always claimed to be more against divorce than me...Of course, we still haven't said the D word...but it seems more and more likely to me.

Rowboat: The worst part is that we were never unhappy. She doesn't claim to be miserable...just...out of love.

Thinman: Thanks...nice to see your softer side.

kneel: Nope no kids. Just a dog.

blufoon: I think you're right about the dignity. I've been thinking about that a lot.

[Hopey]

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1. She is almost certianly cheating on you.


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Yeah, 'cause clearly you have enough information to assume this.

To me "I don't believe in divorce" is basically "I am not a pragmatist" which bothers me.

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I've known a few women who behaved much like the OP's wife, who said similar things that the OP's wife has said, and all of them were having affairs. The OP's original thread makes it clear that there is someone else. The OP suspected it at the time, but couldn't admit it to himself. That's not to say the OP's wife is *definitely* having an affair, but I'd definitely be willing to bet that she is.

Her talk of "never having loved/been attracted to" the OP smacks of a woman who is justifying her behaviour to herself. Since she sees the marriage as being unfixable, she sees no reason to deny herself some other guy who has appeared in her life and seems oh so wonderful.