Question for happily married people

[RacersEdge]

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We are attracted to others who we think have good genes. There is a reason why woman [censored] the bad boy, but marry the safe guy. The bad boy conveys strong genes through his looks and attitude, whereas the safe guy conveys good genes through resources and security.

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Sorry to get a bit off topic from the OP but I thought you made a very interesting statement........

Does she marry the safe guy because he has great genes or does she marry the safe guy because he has okay genes but can provide a safe and nurturing environment for her and her children? i.e., is she willing to sacrifice the best genes, the bad boy's, for a combination of good genes + security? Is her ideal scenario to marry the safe guy and get impregnated by the bad boy and trick the safe guy into raising the child?

There are many papers that say exactly this. The conclusions are staggeringly awful as to what they say about love, marriage, relationships, and the nature of what it means to be human. For example, if true, can you imagine a husband, who is deeply in love with his wife and who thinks she loves him the same, knowing that his wife traded superior genes for him and that she instinctually wants to carry a superior male's baby. Its unreal to think about the consequences.

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I think this is off and over-thought - basically attractive people get married.

[Dominic]

seperate bathrooms

[Utah]

Hi ckessel,

I have no idea what it says about you or your wife. Note, I am talking about instinctual drive and every decision we make doesnt fulfill our instinctual imperative to reproduce - only that the underlying instincts, emotions, etc. are a huge force in our lives.

For example, I love to eat ice cream bars. Now, eating the bar doesnt help me reproduce one bit. But, the desire for sweets is an underlying genetic survival principle.

I will leave out the more controversial comments [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[diebitter]

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I think this is off and over-thought - basically attractive people get married.

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You've never been to Birmingham, I take it.

[Elevens]

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seperate bathrooms

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Damn, Dom came in and nailed it with a mere two words.

[Utah]

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I think this is off and over-thought - basically attractive people get married

[/ QUOTE ]Sure. And of course, that is the most logical rebuttal.

But, I read an article (I may have posted it before??) that found that the best looking most symmetrical men have the most sexual partners, make the worst mates, and cheat on their spouses the most.

Also, there are studies (not sure how valid) that show that a when a woman cheats and that her body acts to favor the sperm of her lover over her mate. ie., she is looking for superior genes than her mates.

I think it is also a question of degree. It is not a question of an actual choice between a safe guy and a bad boy. Rather, there is an instinctual calculation that takes place when a woman decides to marry.

Of course, I am not saying this is certainly true. But, there is evidence pointing towards it. I am simply saying that if true it is pretty awful.

[FishNChips]

Will be 8yrs in November.

Toro : congrats on 28yrs

DB : 'grats on 17!

Utah : Happy Anniversary to you and the Mrs.

Dom : at the very least, seperate sinks!

OP : see DB's first reply. Utah does a disservice by trivializing those points and steering the argument away from those things. Each of DB's points is critical. Each is difficult to prepare yourself for how critical it is. Both parties have to be willing ot put the other's needs ahead of their own. This doesn't meen being the woman's doormat. Its got to go both ways. Its great that you're working on your stuff, that will surely help.

I don't recall who posted about "dealbreakers" but when your ready to start "looking" again you should give the idea some thought. Are there things that are so totally incompattible with you and your personality that you won't be able to compromise on them for the next 20 - 50 years. Avoid those things. But keep in mind that "dammit, I'm playing cards once a week every f-ing week and no way a woman's going to change that!" isn't what I'm talking about. "its important that I get my 'guy' time and I need a woman that understands and supports that" can be a dealbreaker.

Utah: every time I read one of your posts about marriage/relationships I can't help but feel like I'm nothing more than the dog in your avatar. Seriously, you really believe that we are no more than breeding machines and that the need to survive and breed with the strongest gened partner we can find drives everything we do? Wow.

~FishNChips

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Rather, there is an instinctual calculation that takes place when a woman decides to marry.

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I'm sure there is. I'm also equally sure it's not the only, or perhaps not even the main, calculation. It's part of the nuture vs. nature debate.

Writing off actions as primarily instinct driven gives license to a fatalistic "I can't help myself" mentality. Not acknowledging instinct guides us is equally egregious. When you feel a desire to take some action, it's good to understand what part of you spawned that reaction.

[dcasper70]

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I'd be interested to hear Mrs Utah's feelings on the subject, and your comments.

[/ QUOTE ]Sure. She will be happy to respond. What would you like her to comment on exactly?

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How about this part?
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I am very happily married - fantastically so. However, I am about 100% sure I would risk it all to have sex with Sunny Leone. We are just built like that.

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[vulturesrow]

FishNChips:

Its pretty simple, Utah lives in a fantasy land where human thought is simply unable to overcome our primal instincts to any apprciable degree.