Dumb jokes you still find hilarious

[GambleGamble]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Doesnt this belong in BBV

[/ QUOTE ]

Fussinrussin mods.

[/ QUOTE ]


dear god never sayin fussinrussin again

[Our House]

A poor guy and a rich guy are in a bar and both their wives' birthdays are coming up.

Poor Guy: Have you decided what you're getting your wife for her birthday?
Rich Guy: Yeah, I think I'm getting her a nice diamond bracelet and a 2006 Mercedez.
Poor Guy: WOW, that's SOME present. But, why the two gifts?
Rich Guy: Very simple. I don't wanna be bothered. If the bracelet doesn't fit her, she can drive it back to the jewelry store in her Benz. What about you?
Poor Guy: I can't afford any of that stuff, but I've already picked out a nice pair of slippers and a dildo.
Rich Guy: That's odd. I guess it's the thought that counts, but if you can't afford to spend that much money, why buy her more than one present?
Poor Guy: (in white) <font color="white">Well, it's very simple. If the slippers don't fit her, she can go [CENSORED] herself!</font>

[Beavis68]

why are women like pianos?

when they aren't upright, they are grand.

[wisehandpoker]

Tommy C an 80 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.

"I've never been better," he replies. "I've got a twenty two year old bride who's pregnant with my child! . . .What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezes the handle...

*BAM* The beaver drops dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief, "Someone else must have shot that beaver."

"EXACTLY!"

[shermanash]

A peanut was walking down the street...

It was assaulted

[JaBlue]

"what do you call a deer with no eyes?"

"no idear"

"what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?"

" still no idear"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no reproductive organs?"

"still no [censored] idear!"

[matrix]

[ QUOTE ]
why are women like pianos?

when they aren't upright, they are grand.

[/ QUOTE ]

Whats better than having Roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ.

[BeaucoupFish]

[ QUOTE ]
"No. Hot Dog." says I, and she proceeds to chase me around the bar (we were working behind it at the time).

Okay, doesn't really work cos most of you guys don't know who the hell Shakin Stevens is...


[/ QUOTE ]

I bet that drove her cray-ee-ay-ee-zy.

[diebitter]

(Primer: A 'Tune' is a cough sweet in the UK that releases soothing vapours as you suck them)

A lump of hard toffee turns up.

"I'm hard!" he snarls at the assorted sweets sitting around, who quake in terror.

"I'm hard!", he says to the weary bartender, who nods in agreement, and serves him a drink.

"I'm hard!" The toffee shouts back at all the seated sweets, who stay quiet.

The toffee swigs his drink with a self-satisfied grin.

Suddenly a tic-tac runs in, and shouts 'There's a Tune coming this way!'

The Toffee leaps over the bar, and hides under it, shivering.

The barman says, 'What are you doing? I thought you were hard?'

The toffee says, "I am hard, but he's menthol!"

[Meezer]

[ QUOTE ]
(Primer: A 'Tune' is a cough sweet in the UK that releases soothing vapours as you suck them)


&lt;&lt;Joke truncated out of mercy and horror&gt;&gt;


The toffee says, "I am hard, but he's menthol!"

[/ QUOTE ]

.....what? [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]