Funniest thing you've heard while playing online.

[JohnnyHumongous]

NM333: HEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAW
NM333: that's donkey for rebuy

[Deamon2]

I took a brief stint at shorthanded $25 nlhe, and was playing a very LAGgy game. my opponent has like $6 left, and I put him in on the turn. he calls.

Board : 6429

my hand: A6
my opponents hand: T4

opponent:that's a lot of betting for a pair of 6's
me :that's a lot of calling for a pair of 4's

sort of a self-glorifying post, but probably the best banter I've had in the chat box

[felson]

The funniest thing I heard today was after goofing around in a heads-up NL match for those worthless UB points. Neither of us had connection problems or used the chat. We played each other silently until I busted him for the second time. Then, out of nowhere, he blurted:

[ QUOTE ]
I AM REPORTING YOU

[/ QUOTE ]

[img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[MissE]

Some fish tripled up early in a SNG and was playing like a nut. Eventually I got most of his chips and we were talking smack to eachother. He got so angry that he gave me his buddies name and phone number in my city (Anchorage, AK) so I could call him and "have him kick my ass". I'm sure he has no idea I'm a woman and I'm dying to call the guy up and tell him his buddy is promising he'll beat up local women [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[vexvelour]

(2 players in the hand)
BB goes all in.
CO calls.

BB shows his wonderful nuts.
CO shows dogshit cards.

I ask of CO: "Why'd you call his all-in with nothing?"

CO: "I had position."

[CaseS87]

Well this is from live play... but this guy was one of the funnier table coaches I've ever seen. Sorry it got really long.

A guy comes in and sits next to me on my right. He looked like he was 22-27 and he had obviously been doing some drinking. The 4-8 game is just about to begin so everybody is buying chips. I buy in for 200, and the guy to my right buys in for the minimum of 40. As I was de-racking my chips, he said to me, "Save those racks for me, I'll need them soon." It was immediately apparant to me that this guy would be the "table coach." What also soon became clear was that he was an absolutely horrible player. The first hand I play I had AK. The guy to my right, along with an old asian guy who only raised if he had it were in the hand with me. The board was broadway, king high. I bet the flop they both called. The turn was a 9, and I bet again. Old asian guy calls, and the guy sitting on my right began his staredown. He stared at me for about 30 seconds and folded his hand dramatically while still staring me down. I bet the river, old asian guy raised, and I mucked my hand. The guy on my right says to me, "I knew you didn't have [censored]."

After that he decided that I was his student and he would share all of his poker knowledge with me. He explained to me, while slurring, that there is some luck involved in poker, but mostly you just play the players. He also told me that you have to show no emotion. Throughout the night he waiting about 20 seconds to act preflop, and after the flop. He would bluff often. He told me that I should only raise with crap hands, because my opponents will think I have a big pair. He capped the flop multiple times, then went into stare down mode on the turn and folded. The first two hands he played he check raised the flop with no pair no draw, got three bet, and ended up going backdoor for the nut straight.

Later on in the night he took a flop of 72A rainbow. He did his usual check raise, got 3 bet, and this time he capped it. He bet out on the turn, which was an 8, got raised, and called. The river brought a K, and he open folded face up showing an offsuit 105. A player to my left asked what we all wanted to ask him, "What the hell were you raising with on the flop?" The guy on my right says, "Open end straight draw." to which the other player says, "Thats a funny looking open end straight draw."
Despite being berated, the guy on my right continued check raise bluffing until he ran out of money.

[KittyKat]

I was playing on a Euro tables against several european players (based on thier locations and the languages used in chat). I 3 bet a guy on the flop with something like TPTK, and one of the other players at the table said "The american resists". It made me laugh.

[Stealthy]

[ QUOTE ]
(2 players in the hand)
BB goes all in.
CO calls.

BB shows his wonderful nuts.
CO shows dogshit cards.

I ask of CO: "Why'd you call his all-in with nothing?"

CO: "I had position."

[/ QUOTE ]

My wife is wondering why I just stated laughing. I like that one.

[CaseS87]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
(2 players in the hand)
BB goes all in.
CO calls.

BB shows his wonderful nuts.
CO shows dogshit cards.

I ask of CO: "Why'd you call his all-in with nothing?"

CO: "I had position."

[/ QUOTE ]

My wife is wondering why I just stated laughing. I like that one.

[/ QUOTE ]

Would've been better if he said he had fold equity.

[donkeypuncher]

My friend and I are playing in AC, he bets the flop and gets check-raised. He looks at the guy and says "ah, the serpent awakens" in a fairly good Sean Connery impression.