My Wife's New "Buddy"

[CrazyEyez]

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She does have other male friends that I totally trust her around, including an ex-boyfriend.

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This alone should be setting of alarms. No good can come of it.

[CrazyEyez]

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While her motives may be strictly innocent (doubtful but possible) - his motives are certainly not.

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Right on.

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Seriously - this is not behaviour a married man or woman should be doing. At all.

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Totally agree.

[RacersEdge]

Put a stop to this whole thing right now. He's attracted to her because she is a woman, not just as a friend - no doubt about it. Don't kid yourself. This is a bad thing to be present in a relationship.

Pretty soon there will be an F in front of that "Buddy".

[RunDownHouse]

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and is experimenting to see if she is still attractive/desirable to other men i.e. it may be quite innocent.

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That's not innocent. That's duplicitous and manipulative.

[Peter666]

This is absolutely right.

[dcasper70]

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I'd suggest you be cool on this. Tell your wife that she should set up a happy hour for the three of you. Go, and be a cool guy. Do not show weakness (like jealousy). Get to know him. Let her have her friend. If he starts coming on to her after the fact she'll be honest with you.
Work on your relationship with your wife also. You shouldn't be freaking because your wife has a friend that happens to have a dick.

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MrTrik nailed this. Bring him in. Show no weakness.

He will either become a genuine friend, or you will be able to read into his real intentions, at which point you can take a bat to his knees.

[tdarko]

i don't know what "friendster" is but it sounds like some myspace/facebook clone and i have a question, what is a married thirtysomething doing talking to a random guy and exchanging emails back forth and establishing a relationship on the internet?

yeah she told you, she also may be smarter than you and telling you so that you don't worry when something really is going on or there is potential. either way its strange and i wouldn't have it. make it stop.

[robber baron]

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and is experimenting to see if she is still attractive/desirable to other men i.e. it may be quite innocent.

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That's not innocent. That's duplicitous and manipulative.

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You may be right, but the whole thing is through emails, so the chances of her becoming physically involved in the relationship are greatly lessened.

[Phoenix1010]

Is he gay? No? Then he has no business making friends with your wife.

[A_C_Slater]

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I believe in nipping problems like this in the bud, before they evolve into bigger problems.

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Right. Like with Hitler in Munich. They never should have let him get away with that. You have to eradicate these things early before they get outta hand.