Funniest thing you've heard while playing online.

[EgoSlasher]

"I'm sorry for my eradic play over the last hour but I've been low on pills and I get antsy"

[ckboddic]

Some guy: It's usually the fish that constantly talk about how fishy the other players are.

Bad Player: You're obvioulsy a donk. I'm a poker savant.

[Stoneflip]

After cracking a guys kings with 56 suited in reply to the obligatory nice hand...this guy really replied,"Thanks I noticed a lot of rags on the flop lately."

[neverforgetlol]

a guy at NL25 (former limit player of course) kept minbetting the flop/turn (i.e. 25c into a 6+ dollar pot). he said he did it so he "wouldn't give opponents a free card."

[Brainwalter]

[ QUOTE ]
Here is some funny chat. I had AQ and he had A5 or something flop came AAx

fishy: I had the three aces... i better get my MONEY>>>>>>
nutz: he won with the higher kicker
fishy: how many times has that happened???
jay: lmao
fishy: lmao my ass
jay: do you not understand basic rules or what?
jay: i mean, not to be a XXXX, but whats the problem?
fishy: it was not full I had 3 aces>>> he did not
randomplayer: get over it he did have three aaa
fishy: i had three aces too.....
fishy: hoe the XXXX does that happen only 4 in a deck.
fishy: they will get the money switched so get ready to be a little light in the AM.....

[/ QUOTE ]

I think this is the funniest part.

[Ra_]

[ QUOTE ]
"This table is tighter then a midget's vigina" -me

[/ QUOTE ]

If some said this i'd reply, "I can tell you've never been with a midget"

[newb]

At the level where I play, .50/1 LHE, it always makes me laugh when someone is being called a fish.
This somehow implies the existence of .50/1 sharks

[WordWhiz]

Last night I saw some guy ragging another guy about his avatar, which was a picture of his daughter:

Guy 1: What's wrong with having a picture of my daughter?
Guy 2: Well, she's like 4.
Guy 1: Yeah, so?
Guy 2: No, I mean on a hotness scale.

Had to laugh at that one.

[JoeKKer]

(after guy checks his nut flush [which is the absolute nuts] on the button at the river)

JoeKKer: u check nut flush?
beltloop: can you get 4 colour deck on here?

[Sparta45]

This was a little funny. I couldn't play on Stars the other day because of the "server restart", so I went to Bodog to just donk around in a cheap tournament before work. I bought into like a $12 - 6 man tournee and pretty soon it became clear we had a poker coach at the table. You know the type I'm sure. One guy had A-10 and lossed all his chips on a flop of A-8-2 to a guy with a set of 2's. Then our poker coach berated him. "God for bid you put down top pair, huh. You suck. You're terrible. I'm going to take all your money, blah blah blah." Then each and every hand he's telling everyone at the table how bad they are and how they suck at poker. So after about 10 mintutes of listening to this guy's nonsense (surprsingly nobody said anything the whole time), I ask the guy if he is the poker coach at the table. He says something like "yea, I am. I own this table. I'm great and you guys suck". So I tell him "If you're so great at poker, why are you playing in a $12 tournament?".

To my surprise, he actually shut up the rest of the game.