Funniest thing you've heard while playing online.

[bustedchucks]

this was a live homegame tourney. buncha drunks

on a flop of 5 10 J with two hearts player a pushes, player b insta calls, ans player c sighs and call announcing that he has "vulnerable nuts" with JJ

[3 minute hero]

I suspect this is an urban myth but here goes.

Hero (to villain) - Is your name Rick?
Villain - it is, so what?
Hero - Rick with a silent 'P'?

Rest of table - lol, lmao. etc. etc.

[e_phemeral]

Live cash game. Guy to my immediate left is hammered and has been losing buy-in after buy-in. He is at the table with a co-worker and, despite the fact that he is losing horribly, keeps talking about how he is having such a great time, etc.

I get into a hand with him and on the flop or turn (I can't remember), after I bet, he intentionally exposes his cards to me, I guess to make me scared or something. So on the river, knowing that I have the nuts, I push all in on him. He sits there for the longest time trying to decide whether to call with whatever he had (middle pair or top pair or something). It lasted so long that I almost couldn't take it anymore. People at the table were started to get annoyed and I just couldn't believe that this guy was seriously considering calling. So at one point, I say "Ok, just to recap the action. Your cards are exposed. I have bet all of my chips. And we are all waiting to see whether you are going to call or fold." Everyone nods in agreement. After about 1 more minute, he folds.

I probably cost myself money, because he really thought I was trying to bluff him because I saw his cards. I almost would have felt bad if he called just because he was so drunk and so dumb and everyone was taking his money left and right.

[Dromar]

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hoe the XXXX does that happen only 4 in a deck

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This whole sentence is freakin hilarious.

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This new math is very confusing.

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Maybe he thought it was 7Stud?

[Daniel Magix]

Well, this was at a live game in the casino. A fat and fairly drunk guy sits down and posts the BB. He immediately starts boasting about his recent success at his buddies home games, where he “won about $3000 a couple of weeks ago, and about $1200 last Friday.”

I then replied “wow, if you won over $4000 in the last two weeks...then why are you playing at a 1/2 table?”

He didn't have much of a response to my question, and lost his $40 that he sat down with within 20 minutes.

[brinks]

Home game: A buddy of mine beats a LAP out of a big NL pot. LAP decides to berate him with "man you suck: you only call when you have a good hand, and fold when you dont" I just can't belive that at the time I could hold my tounge.

[brinks]

THAT'S THE WINNER!!! by far

[SoBeDude]

just a few days ago at Fowxoods.

$600 buyin LIMIT tourney. 27 getting paid, 29 left.

Grandpa is to my right and is the big blind. I raise UTG with TT. Grandpa thinks and calls in BB.

blinds are 1k/2k. bets are 2k/4k. Grandpa starts the hand with 12500 in chips.

Flop comes all low cards 357 rainbow. Check-bet, grandpa thinks and calls.

Turn is a 4. Check-bet, he thinks again. he has 8500 in front and 4k to call. He ponders and calls.

River is a Jack. Check-bet, he hesistates for a long while and finally calls off the 4k of his last 4.5k in chips.

I table TT, he says "thats gonna win". then "you can win with TT, but I can't". then looks at his cards as he starts to muck, looks at the board pulls them back, looks at his cards again, looks at the board. then says "oh I have 2 pair"

and tables 34.

I say nothing and look on in shock.

about 30 seconds later he says to me:

"you may be a better poker player than I am, but I'm a better tourney player"

-Scott

[flustraighted]

Homegame:

My friend has rebought a few times and is clearly drunk. The game is breaking up and its obviously +ev to let him play so we let him reload for less than the absolute minimum. First hand, preflop raise to the right of him. He ponders over it and says 'I'm going to play this like I have money' and calls off half his stack. Original raisor c-bets on the flop and my friend shrugs to himself and declares: 'I'M POT COMMITTED!'. For the record, he hit his gutshot on the river.

Online: Similar to this set up...except with a twist.

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Player C : fu - i make my living from people like you
Player D : you a pro?
Player C : sure am
Player D : a 5c table pro? you live in a kennel?

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After a horrendous suckout by player 2.

Player 1: I make my living off of people like you...
Player 2: You're a pro?
Player 1: No, I tutor handicapped children.

[gobboboy]

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Homegame:

My friend has rebought a few times and is clearly drunk. The game is breaking up and its obviously +ev to let him play so we let him reload for less than the absolute minimum. First hand, preflop raise to the right of him. He ponders over it and says 'I'm going to play this like I have money' and calls off half his stack. Original raisor c-bets on the flop and my friend shrugs to himself and declares: 'I'M POT COMMITTED!'. For the record, he hit his gutshot on the river.

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Wow, you're an awesome friend.