She left me

[Shajen]

GA:

Sorry bro. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

The things that you stated she said to you in you counseling tell me that this marriage is done.

Listen to what she is telling you. I think you need to realize the person who is telling you these things is not the same person you married.

She's most definitely cheating on you, I'd put the odds at 90%. You need to remove yourself from this situation.

Get a lawyer, get your money situation straight, because she will get half your [censored] if you aren't careful.

Remember, you aren't the one intitiating all this crap, she is. She has to be the one making the concessions, not you.

GL bro. Heal soon.

[imitation]

Dude chip dump everything you own to me on Party I'll look after it. Incase you didn't see I was listed in the list of 2+2ers you'd trust thread.

[Georgia Avenue]

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Was she abused as a child? Did her father abuse her mother? Did she have a father? Other than the current situation does she strike you as caring more about others or more about herself(you must choose one)?

I'm just wondering if she is screwed up in some significant way or simply selfish.


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I guess she's just selfish. She's an only child...but she's always treated me well...not perfectly, though, she is pretty self-centered. I guess I just believed her words rather than her actions. I'm pretty naive sometimes. Still, her parents have a pretty healthy marriage that has been going for like 30 years. She always said that she wanted to be like them...and I took it as a good sign. Probability=meh.

Other questions:

Chip: No kids...just a dog that I didn't want and am now stuck taking care of...at least it's loyal tho. Haha?

imitation: if she's cheating with you, let me know ok?

all: She has contributed way more than half of our networth. She makes about 1.5x as much money. Maybe that's a factor? [img]/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img] Anyway, if I get 50% it will be more than fair, since she's supported me while I went to school for like 8 years.

siccjay: I still love her as much as I did the day we met. I guess I thought that this whole thing would blow over and the counseling would just heal things quickly. Like I said, naive. She's the only woman I've ever cared about this much...etc etc...she's also wicked hot. Pic will not be happening however. Unless she cheated on me. Keep your fingers crossed OOT!

rory: I'm assuming that's directed at inchoate...and you're right, he gives great advice.

ALL:
Here's the thing about pushing things forward myself...I really think this would violate my belief in the sanctity of marriage (sanctity, not sanity...little of the latter obv)...Many of you disagree with that in principle, but when I made promises on my wedding day, I didn’t add: “unless some crazy s—t happens and you change your mind”…I wouldn’t have honor or integrity if I didn’t try to follow the commitment I made to never give up.

More importantly, I want to believe that it's not over… and if I just end it myself now I have no shot...But I'll try to keep in mind that if it really is over I should start calling shots myself to gain some more control over my life. I'll probably move out of town, maybe just pick up and travel for a few months...I dunno. I like my job but this town has little going for it other than her.

Another tough thing is that I have very few close friends in this city…they’ve all moved away…I can’t really go calling people up like a teenager and hanging out with my family is too depressing right now. Anyway, I know OOT is the wrong place for advice and consolation, cuz we’re all such sarcastic a-holes, but this thread has made me feel a bit better. Thanks again…

--GA

[phil_ivey_fan]

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She may well be saying these things but is really covering up for an affair or the desire to have one. People don't just end a marriage without some other prospect on the horizon, or already in hand.

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Right on. Easy to be in denial about this. Also, regarding

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I don't believe in divorce

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I'm not going to try to debate about or change your beliefs but do consider this: life is SHORT, and so is your youth. How do you think you'll feel when you're 80 and looking back knowing that you did not do everything you could to make yourself and your life as happy as possible? That would be such a complete waste.

Also, such a prevalent feeling in these type of situations is that it's not possible to ever find someone as good for you as this person. This is crap, you owe it to yourself to find someone who is crazy about you. Why waste even a day with someone who isn't?

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I completely agree w/ FFK.

George A,

you are young. you are/were comfortable for so long that its to the point where you think you are still in love. But you are NOT sir. I'm am a realist and a an idealist, and from my perspective, your marriage is OVER but your life is NOT!

Your situation is pretty good for an easy divorce. Take half of everything (which is apparently more than your fair share -- lucky you) and start over as a bachelor again. Do what you want/need to forget about it. And realize that this HAPPENS to the best of people.

And this stuff about you "don't believe in divorce" is gheyyyyyyyyyyy. I bet you will believe in one a year from now (lol -- low blow). Get real man, life changes and the fact that she doesn't want to work it out with you means she's DONE trying. This is when you know a marriage is over, when one person doesn't want to work on it. Marriage is a job. Someone said it best on here in one of the "advice from 30yro to 20yro" about marriage. A successful marriage is not about a 50/50 compromise, its about a 60/60 compromise.

[M2d]

GA,
i'm sorry this is happening to you. sucks big time.
after reading through this thread, i have to say that I kind of disagree with most of the advice that's written. I think you need to fight for her. I think you owe it to yourself o do so. if she's "fallen out of love" with you, why did it happen? have you changed? you mention in a later post that she supported you for 8 years as you went to school. maybe she began to feel like your guardian instead of you spouse or equal. you need to show her that you're there for her now, that you can and will support her (emotionally, financially, whatever). it doesn't hve to be a case of you making more money that she does. if you show that you can support yourself it can go a long way towards dispelling the image that she might have of a starving student that she needs to take care of.

admittedly, the outlook is a bit bleak. however, if you still love her (and you say you do), the payoff on this longshot is so overwhelmingly huge that you have to try it.

GL, man.

p.s. get a lawyer. hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

[Boris]

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It sounds like she may not want a solution. The counselor should determine this ASAP, and if so, recommend you both move on.

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Marriage counselors will do this?

[SoloAJ]

Sorry to hear about the situation. I think most people go through it at some point (not that that is a huge consolation for you). I just hope things turn around for you and in a couple years you're happier than ever.

Rough spot all around. And I'd like to make note of how shocked I am that this thread has been as serious and...nice...as it has been. Tells you something about how moving your situation is for the general male (and smaller female) population of OOT.

[adsman]

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And I'd like to make note of how shocked I am that this thread has been as serious and...nice...as it has been. Tells you something about how moving your situation is for the general male (and smaller female) population of OOT.

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OOT has always been supportive when people are genuine.

[Hopey]

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And I'd like to make note of how shocked I am that this thread has been as serious and...nice...as it has been. Tells you something about how moving your situation is for the general male (and smaller female) population of OOT.

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OOT has always been supportive when people are genuine.

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...and when the OP doesn't get all douchey and defensive and starts arguing with people who are giving honest advice.

[Hopey]

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It sounds like she may not want a solution. The counselor should determine this ASAP, and if so, recommend you both move on.

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Marriage counselors will do this?

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In both instances where my female friends went for marriage counseling, the counselor advised them to separate.