Stuck Between Agnosticism and Christianity

[bunny]

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I've just started college, an obvious major turning point in my life, and have spent some time evaluating my personal beliefs. I was raised in Christan home, but had my fights with religion from youth through today. I always felt as if something was being imposed on me, and am uneasy in churches or religious areas/gatherings in general. During highschool I read a lot of Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, and Burtrand Russell, and agreed with the vast majority of things they had to say. I've spent a great many years as a "true" agnostic, rather than using it as a stepping stone from theism to atheism.

However, I've lately been extremely concerned about the existence of Hell and the implications of my agnosticism after my death, should I end up wrong. I've actually tired to believe in Christianity/Jesus, but my prior knowledge and opposing viewpoints shoot doubt through the entirety of the religion.

I'm actually having a fairly difficult time articulating the deeper sentiments here, so I'll get to the point. I'm terrified of hell, but would likely never have any level of faith that would be required to avoid it due to my many years as an agnostic. Is this situation common?

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My views are not very widely held, especially in america, but it may mean something to you. I believe in god but not in hell - it doesnt make sense to me that a benevolent god would create hell. When christians tell me there is a hell and atheists are going there, I ask them if they think God is going to lovingly torture you forever because you are unwilling to pretend to believe in him.

I havent heard any good answers (I'd be curious if Brad1970, Peter666 or Splendour or others have any response...?)