from wnner to total loser (very long)

[erac22]

Hey ya'll,
Just to give some context, I've been a fairly regular contributor at FCP for a few years, and although I've lurked on 2P2 for a while, I only recently made an account and starting posting. I am 21 yrs old and an incoming senior at an Ivy Leagure University. I've bee playing poker since I was about 10 yrs old (7 stud, 5 card draw, follow the queen, anaconda, your typical crazy wild cards mixed games)and got sucked into the holdem craze like everyone else in 2004. I started playing stt's with my buddies after school for $5-$20, where my results were decent, but more importantly I was having an absolute blast playing. That summer was the summer before shipping off to college, so my parents let me bum it. I got 150 bucks to Party Poker and spent that summer smoking herb, playing stt's with my friends, and $10-$30 sng's on party. I grinded my PP account up to 750 bucks, cashed out 500, and busted the account soon before going to school.

I didn't play online at all for the first semester, only in small cash games ($10 bi) where I can't tell you I remember my results, I'm sure they were ok. One of my roommates, who was also big into nlhe, got some money onto pstars, ran it up, and shipped me 50 bucks before going away on winter break. I decided to start grinding .05/.1 cash games, and by the end of the year had about 500 in my account. That summer I worked as a sailing instructor and kept grinding micro stakes on stars (.1/.25) until August, when an FCP poster alerted us about a free $10 giveaway on powerplayer, a pokerroom skin.

I began playing .05/.1 plhe, got fairly lucky, and got it up to 100 before moving to .1/.25plhe, where I found the games much easier than similar limits on stars. I played powerplayer for most of sophomore year, and by the time i left school I had grinded the account up to around 4k. At this point, I found out that powerplayer had solvency issues, and began trying to get my money out (which wasn't easy). I eventually got it, and shipped 2k to party and 2k to bodog. I quickly took a liking to bodog, started at .25/.5nl. I killed it there, and moved up to .5/1nl where I also killed it, and moved up to 1/2nl, where i grinded it up to around 20k by the end of the summer, and started making cashouts. (my br management was super conservative, as I only moved up limits when I had 50 bi's)

I moved up to 2/4nl where I was making more money than I could believe, kept shipping money to my bank account while keeping my account steady between 10k-15k, and by the second or third week back at school, had moved up to 3/6nl. I ran sick hot there for about 6 weeks, cashing out no less than 5k/week while keeping my account fairly steady around 15k. I hit a little skid between fall break and TG, moving briefly back down to 2/4nl but worked through it. By December I was playing the 5/10nl games and killing them, as I couldn't believe how soft they were. I probably cashed out 30k between december and the middle of january, although 5k of that I am only receiving now (neteller fiasco).

Things turned sour in the middle of january, as everything I had been doing stopped working. Over the next 3 weeks, before intercession break, i went from 30k to less than 20k in my account, which was my biggest downswing. I went to PR for a week, played no poker, came back and droped down to 3/6nl, where I lost about 4k, dropped down to 2/4nl, and lost another 4k, leaving my roll at around 10k. i took a few days off. Startin grinding 400nl again and did ok, moved back up to 3/6nl, did pretty well, and soon I was sitting with over 20k in my account.

For March, April, and May, this is how my poker "career" went. i would grind it out all week, make a good profit (4-8k) then come home drunk Saturday night and stupidly donk it off. Rinse, wash, repeat until the end of school, sporadically sending my self 3k via WU thus diminishing my roll.

When I left school, i had about 12k of bankroll, and actually ran pretty well at 2/3nl-3/6nl, cashing out about 9k, while still having 18k in my account. Then, on a Saturday night, as I swore i wouldn't do, i came home drunk and donked/tilted off 6k. Dropped down limits, lost another 2k, before rallying back up to around 15k. To this point, at had run good at times, and very bad at times, but at least some of my struggles I could defnitely attribute to stupidity. However, 3 weeks ago, things just went completely sour. I couldn't win at 3/6nl, dropped down, couldn't win at 2/4nl or 2/3nl, dropped down, couldn't win at 1/2nl, dropped down, at which point my roll was at 3300. When I say "couldn't win" I honestly mean that whatever I did was an utter failure. I lost every all in, a lot of the time getting my money in good. Maybe I'm just being delusional, but I really think I played fine, but this was over 40k hands.

I finally started to rally at 1/2nl about a week ago, getting my account up to 7k, until last night happened.

i started out playing 1/2nl, and quickly doubled up on one table, and nearly doubled up on another. (i don't really remember the hands, but I got it in good) Then these 2 hands occured. First one, I got it all in pf JJ vs AK vs a half stack and lost. This I would normally completely shrug off, but for some reason it just tilted me to holy hell. I've just been running so bad in races, and this one just really got to me. Then, on a different table, i 3-bet pf with AK in position and got 4-bet, called. Flop was KTxo, 4-better led out 65, i shoved, he called with AJ, turn Q, game over. This obv tilted me even more, even though I was actualy about even for the session. I stopped playing and watched the end of the Mets game (which tilted me even more).

I then went upstairs, and decided to play for an hour and go to bed (I have to be at work at 8:30) i decided to 3-table 2/3nl 6max. These 2 hands set me off. First, lagtard raises pf, I 3 bet with AK, flop is KJ8o. check, check. Turn blank. He bets pot, i call. River 8, he bets pot, i call, he turn over J8. I cuss a lot. A minute later, same table, different lagtard raises pf on the button, I call , flop comes AKx, 1 diamond, he bets pot, I call. Turn low diamond. Check, check. River low diamond, I check, he pots, i call, he turns over Kd3d. This is where it gets f.ucked up. I was so pissed, that rather than punching my computer or a wall (as i had done in the past) I made a fist, pulled it back, and clocked myself in the temple. hard. it hurt, made me woozy, i was in shock Who Does That? I consider myself a smart kid, and that was just the stupidest thing I've ever done. However, rather than quitting and going to bed, I proceeded to spew for the next 2 hours, dropping a grand and not getting to bed till 5.

i now sit at work with a horrid headache, I feel like absolute ass, and have no confidnece in my poker game or my self control. I turned 50 bucks (and 10 free bucks) into around 80k, which now sits safely in my bank account, and then became a losing poker player, seemingly self hating degenerate.

I guess the reason I posted this was mostly just to vent, put my poker career in perspective, and hopefully get some sort of advice. i still have 5600 in my account, plenty to grind 1/2nl and I know if I run decent i can be back to playing 2/4nl and 3/6nl in no time, I still have 80k in my bank account (a lot for a punk kid like me) I have no expenses (my parents rule and are paying for my college) and I have a good job at an HNW wealth management firm. yet losing 1 pot caused me to clock myself in the head. I dunno, I guess I'm just super frustrated/going crazy. My lack of weed right now isn't helping either. I appologize for the insane length of this post, hopefully someone got through it.

-erac

[erac22]

cliff notes:

I started with nothing, built it to a lot, most of which is now in my bank account. Now I can't win anymore, and i got so pissed I punched myself in the domepiece.

btw, I paid my taxes fyi.

[Jeffrey Dahmer]

4K-400nl and you said you have proper BR management...

[erac22]

I think you misread, i didn't start playing 400nl until i had 20k of bankroll, conservative by any standards.

[govman6767]

Dude you live in NJ take a break from the internet. Take a few grand and go stomp the 2/5 NL games in AC you'll find it a lot easier than beating online.

[erac22]

[ QUOTE ]
Dude you live in NJ take a break from the internet. Take a few grand and go stomp the 2/5 NL games in AC you'll find it a lot easier than beating online.

[/ QUOTE ]

yeah, i tried this about a month ago. Brought a few thousand to the Trop and played 2/5nl. Ran QQ into AA, lost the min, got it all in KK vs 107 on 10 high flop, got runnered for a flush, got it all in with Q9 on a 997 flop vs KK, turn K, and lost an all in 444 to 999 on a 954 flop. I didn't punch myself in the face though, so at least i had that going for me... Once my internship ends I plan on giving it a go again, hopefully with better results.

[_Towelie_]

You need a break. I've never actually punched myself in the head before, but I've come close to impulsive self-destruction while tilting and it's a scary feeling, especially in retrospect. Take a good break and come back with a clear resolve to control tilt and crush the games.

[Ralph Wiggum]

wanna get high?

[erac22]

[ QUOTE ]
wanna get high?

[/ QUOTE ]

ZOMG YESSS!!!

[Jazzy3113]

wat school do u go to and which investment bank is your internship/job at?