worst sexual experience you've ever had

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Mine is so bad I seriously can't talk about it.

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[Kilillan]

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Just like many other stories on here, mine starts with meeting a girl on myspace. Eventually we decide on going to see a movie after moving our conversations over to AIM. She didn't have any pictures up on her myspace so I didn't really know what I was getting into, but none the less I went after it anyways. She came out of her house pretty hideous and she brought a sandwich with her... man that's a sign of a true fatty if I've ever seen one. But whatever I thought, it had been a while since I had gotten any...

We were talking in the car and she was wondering if she could stay with me tonight... meh I thought, baring any psychoness this shouldn't be that big of a deal. Like I said, it had been a while. Anyways, we get to the movie theater and we're watching whatever random movie is on at the last showing in the place, we're the only people in the entire theater so I have no problem getting a little frisky. We start making out a little bit and quickly progress to groping. She pulls my [censored] out and starts giving me a handjob... which I'll admit is mediocre at best because HJ's are awful in general. So after like 5 minutes of HJ I'm like "sooo are you gonna give me head or what?" Her response blew me away when she was like "I don't do that". All I can think is "how on earth does someone as fat and ugly as you not give head? That should be all you're good for... a giant sex toy.

So this left a bit of an awkward silence for a little bit as I express my concern about desiring a [censored]. Finally I blurt out "[censored] this" and I grabbed my [censored] and walked out of the theater. She starts following me out of the movie and following me out to the parking lot. "Where are you going you mother [censored]!" "I'm getting the [censored] out of here, you're crazy" was my response. She starts getting hysterical showing me that her cellphone is dead. By this time I'm already in my car and she's probably 10 yards away. I roll my window down "not my problem" and she's like "but I was supposed to go home with you! Why are you going to leave me here! I [censored] hate you! [censored] you!" aaaand I promptly left her alone at the movie theater at 1 in the morning in a small suburban town with no cellphone, no car, and no way of getting home. She did typical psycho things after that online but I ignored most of them.

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that's pretty awesome actually

[SneakyFerret]

Mine looked a little something like this......


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYXqlgzAc-0


(not rickroll)

[Squareview]

wait my worst was my best...

[David LoPan]

15 yrs old, parents out of town, threw a party at my house for my birthday over thanksgiving weekend. Party was awesome until neighbors called cops and it got shut down around 1am. So this girl is there who I was talking to and she was gonna spend teh night. Her friend had to spend the night too and she was a chunky blonde girl whose brother was the biggest d-bag roid-rage kill someone guy in our high school.

So the girl i'm with is a halfsy asian and we start makin out at which point i say "i think you need to give me head now." she obliges, worst head ever teeth jsut bad bad technique. so im just ognna [censored] her so after she puts on condom i take off her panties to be floored by the worst smelling cnt-stench in the history of man. i instantly threw up on myself/bed/floor/her too, and then kicked her out of my room and locked the door to pass out. I blocked her on aim and had the phone company block her number from calling my house.

side beat: 2 friends who stayed over lumberjacked girl's friend. Afterwards in the morning chunky friend jumped in the shower with me and gave me good shower head. Her brother found out and kicked our asses pretty good the following weekend at another party.

brag: he went to jail after graduating for attempted murder

[Dan87]

it couldnt have been that bad

i had to go into a dumpster in 30 degree heat at work because i accidentally threw an important part out, and that didnt make me vomit

i think you are exaggerating

[David LoPan]

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it couldnt have been that bad

i had to go into a dumpster in 30 degree heat at work because i accidentally threw an important part out, and that didnt make me vomit


i think you are exaggerating

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i was drunk but i rarely puke from drinking. it was baaaaaaaad dude, really fkn bad like horrible. everytime i think of that smell i start dry-heaving. my olfactory senses are tied into my memory really sick i guess.

edit: maybe logistically I'm not making sense. But I was fingering her through her undies while she was giving me head. Then when I remove her thong or whatever the [censored] it was i was on me knees as she was standing in front me and i pulled them down with my face directly lined up with her coos.

[Lurker.]

mine pales in comparison....some chick was giving me a handjob in bed, and i was like, awesome lets [censored]. she said it was her period, so i kinda just pushed her head down, but she would suck. very annoying. i kept trying though.

[DcifrThs]

surprisingly, i've never had absolutely horrible sh*t in my lap, puke enducing c*nt smelling sh*t happen to me.

a few that come to mind:

- standard "too drunk to care" story: went drinking w/ rollerhockey buddy for his bday. went to bar near capitol hill. very cute waitress came over to me as we paid bill and said "my friend would love to meet you." me being drunk couldn't figure out that obv friend would be fat. so i said OK, she came and sat down. the bunch of us then left. i lied to them and said "i gotta get sleep" etc. but went back to meet w/ chubby girl. end up cabbign it back to my place completely trashed, smoke, screw and i wake up not remembering everyting clearly. she went to bathroom and i had to check her wallet for her name. so beat: screwed a chubbster.

- i'm sure many of you remember the cute blond girl who looked a little bit like chick from spiderman that picked me up in airplane. well 2 beats with her: 1) she thought a [censored] entailed massive amts of teething. ouch. made up for it though 'cause i never got another bj from her and she was awesome at sex.

and 2) she claimed pregnancy to get me to stay in st.louis. turns out pregnancy was EXTREMELY likely to be a lie since a) we always used condom and b) she is the exact type to lie about that sh*t. (i.e. asked "do you love me" and "what would you do if i was pregnant? would you still go back to NY?")

- another one i don't think is attrocious: i was 23, 1 year out, still living near my frat house. met cute freshman chick who could really suck d*ck (surprising). first time w/ her didn't expect her to be that good and told her i was about to blow, she stopped and said ok and jerked me off all over myself...i.e. my chest and stomach. weak ass sh*t...but not the end of the world like some of the other stories.

- another "i'm an idiot" type experience. hooking up w/ one of the top 5 hottest girls i've hooked up w/ and remembered i left my laundry in basement (people in my building in college were nazis about that sh*t) so i left her to get it. came back w/ it folded (took maybe 8-10mins total). she asked "OMG, you FOLDED your laundry???" and i didn't think much of it. we continued hooking up, no sex, no bj. never called me back again...turns out i offended her to an amazing degree i didn't think conceivable for that type of offense (i.e. taking time to fold my laundry rather than do her) and neither she nor her friends (who were also cute and 1 of 'em wanted me) eever talked to me again.

- losing virginity in spain while not entirely speaking the language was awkward. makes pillow talk after 1 minute of sex odd since it was relatively early in our "relationship." (i.e. dated her for the 1.5mos i was in northern spain my summer after junior year of high school)

- ugly ass sex faces a girl made while f*cking her almost made me want to stop. i had a huge crush on this girl for a while and picked her up on a metro ride back from work in DC. ended up not "working out" and she was crying on my apt floor right next to the door since i was stupid and broke it off after a few drinks (she was sloppy sad drunk). wouldn't leave.

thats all i can think of now...flame away since many not that bad. been lucky w/ rest of love life since those were the worst unless i'm mentally blocking an attrocious memory.

aside from my weak ass post though:

[x] thread delivers!! big time!

Barron

[ROADHEAD]

I was bangin some chick on my weight bench. I was laying down and she was on top of me riding me like crazy when all of a sudden I busted a nut into the condom I was wearing. Well since it was only like 3 minutes after I initially started bangin her I didn't want her to get mad so I didn't say anything and she kept riding until my dick kinda went limp inside of her. Well after going limp she kinda hopped of my sausage and I guess the condom fell off inside of her and my man milk poored out of her onto my body as she hopped off. It was [censored] sick.

Also, about two weeks ago I was hanging out with some chick at some karaokee bar and the girl got sloppy drunk. We were driving home and she was grabbin on my dick and stuff. She had a skirt on so I started fingering her and she was going wild in my truck. Her legs were kicking and squiggling all over the place when all of a sudden I looked out her window and see a cop pacing right next to me. I thought I was [censored] but when I looked at him he gave me a smile and speed off, I continuted fingering her the whole time and after he speed off as I was still messin with her and her legs kicking all over I again look out her window and there is another cop pacing me. I guess the first cop radioed the second cop and he was watching me until I saw him then he too speed off. I thought I was going to jail, but not once did I break my stride lol.