Female on Paxil, Things have changed

[SammyKid11]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'm not really sure she would appreciate my seeking OOT advice or "Hey, I looked up some [censored] you could take to try to get off" at this stage...

edit: Could go with the "Why don't you say something to the doc" route, but she also might just not want to do that.

[/ QUOTE ]

You can't be serious. She wouldn't like that you've taken an interest in her and looked something up? What, are you figuring she's afraid the encyclopedia might be snickering and telling tales to the thesaurus? Or think she would prefer disinterest, sexual discomfort on your part, or an inability to discuss important things with her?

Jeez man, get some macho going.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the right answer. You sound scared of this girl. You're so in awe of her and your feelings for her that you're constantly analyzing and plotting and worrying about what not to do. Girls don't take off their panties for guys like this very often...and girls don't subsequently want meaningful romantic relationships with guys like this very often.

Girls take their panties off for and want romantic relationships with guys that exude natural male confidence. The naysayer earlier in the thread was crude in calling you a loser...but some of what he said made a lot of sense. Decide what YOU want out of this, and then do the things that will give you a chance at getting those things. If you want a romantic relationship, push for that...don't give her an open-ended offer. That's horse [censored]. Girls won't respond to a "I'll be here if you ever decide you wanna f me." Girls respond to a guy who says, "I'm into you...I want to be with you, not be your girlfriend. If you want that, then that'd make me really happy and let's go for it. If you don't, I'm gonna move on and not torture myself and waste time in the same breath. Take some time to think about this if you need to, and let me know what you decide. I want you...if you want me, lemme know."

That she's even told you she's "considering" getting romantic with you is all the motivation you will EVER get from her to attempt this move. Who cares how much is Paxil and how much is her being a girl. Get what you want out of life if at all possible. If what you want is this girl, be willing to risk your torturous "friendship" with her to get what you REALLY want. And if you get it, don't f it up by questioning the motives...just be happy, be a good guy, have some fun, and see where it leads. If you don't get her...don't fret, just break things off with her and move on.

[bisonbison]

You suck, Clark. Now you got me thinking about that doe-eyed freshman whose dorm room I was in twenty years ago when I was teaching her psych 100 class. We were getting down to it, but I stopped and left, after I saw my graduate school standing and future career potentially going down in flames.

Clark...you're even worse than Bison.

Hey, if you'd violated your self-hating Yankee ethics, you never would have fallen for the woman who'd later become your lesbian ex-wife. And really, I bet that story rips it up at the local cardroom.

See, now aren't you glad you denied yourself your one true chance at happiness in this life?

[Clarkmeister]

[ QUOTE ]
she's making it pretty obvious that we could be very close to taking our relationship to a physical/etc level

[/ QUOTE ]

Results? Have you made a move?

[Doc7]

No though tonight I was in her room for quite a while (also see the 24 thread) and the temptation to just attempt to kiss her was very strong. alas, I lack cajones

(Plus the fact that we have TALKED about this, and she has made clear that she is *thinking*, means that I am not sure if it would be appropriate for me to make a move at this point...that'd be kind of pushing the issue which she has requested time on)

edit: any suggestion for a way to make a move which would both be subtle enough to be appropriate given the fact that she has told me she wants time, but at the same time making my own thoughts on the issue pretty clear, would be good. if there is such a way, anyway. most suggestions will probably involve something that wouldn't be appropriate given the current state of our friendship and this whole issue.

[Clarkmeister]

[ QUOTE ]
No though tonight I was in her room for quite a while (also see the 24 thread) and the temptation to just attempt to kiss her was very strong. alas, I lack cajones

(Plus the fact that we have TALKED about this, and she has made clear that she is *thinking*, means that I am not sure if it would be appropriate for me to make a move at this point...that'd be kind of pushing the issue which she has requested time on)

[/ QUOTE ]

no, no, no. It's the perfect time! Heck, she's probabaly thinking "I spent all this time with him tonight and despite being obvious that I'm interested, he didn't make a move. Maybe he's just not into me that way." Why are you waiting for her to pick you up?

[balkii]

as you soon as you make the move she'll go for it. just do it. if you really have a strong friendship and this turns out to be a mistake it wont be a big deal.

edit: subtle yet appropriate move basically involves pulling her face towards yours.

[Doc7]

because I've been professing my undying love while intoxicated to her for over a year now, and she only just recently began to consider the possibility of it being reciprocated, though we have been extremely close friends the whole time (Think Biggie lyrics: "closer than the average girls supposed to be...people swore we was fckin' but we was just cool" ...describes this relationship perfectly)

she is well aware of MY intentions/feelings as i have made plenty of moves. she put the ball in her own court with our last serious discussion, by asking for time.

[Doc7]

I guess I oughta sack up and just try it. Unfortunately, 2nd semester thermo quiz weds, 2 exams before noon on thursday, and a gi-friggin-normous thermo assignment due on friday means that tonight was really my last chance till Friday. And there is a third party that could set me a step back in the progress that may have been made this evening, simply by reminding her that she already has the opportunity for whatever physical play she wants without the silly strings attached [though this has not been a factor for over 6 months, he has recently re-established contact with her, and she is not being entirely open about what exactly is going to go on with this. so far, nothing has happened.].

Just gotta hope they don't make any plans between now and friday night, i guess.

[Doc7]

I just realized another complication in the matter (assuming 3rd party guy is not a problem. I am going to pretend he doesn't exist: she did not go to his house with his parents this weekend and two weekends ago, she does not invite him over to watch jeopardy/wheel of fortune / start watching 24 out of the blue with him etc, etc. I win, regardless of how much physical contact he has made with her.)

this last friday night, before drinking, we made a rule that we actually enforced at one point when the conversation turned down a possibly dangerous road, that we were not going to discuss "important things" while intoxicated.

if/when we hang out friday night (i'm taking it for granted, i would like to think this will not depend on 3rd party guy, again, there has been nothing in terms of this guy for 6 months and only in the last 3 days has his re-appearance been made known to me, so i have NO idea if she is going to even see this guy ever again...i know she was talking to him on AIM today, but do not know nor do i want to know details) there will be alcohol involved.

"discussing things" and moving in to try to kiss her are not really distinguishable in this context right? I don't want to break our established code because i feel like forcing the decision to be made sooner than she is ready.

[Clarkmeister]

[ QUOTE ]
No though tonight I was in her room for quite a while (also see the 24 thread) and the temptation to just attempt to kiss her was very strong. alas, I lack cajones

(Plus the fact that we have TALKED about this, and she has made clear that she is *thinking*, means that I am not sure if it would be appropriate for me to make a move at this point...that'd be kind of pushing the issue which she has requested time on)

edit: any suggestion for a way to make a move which would both be subtle enough to be appropriate given the fact that she has told me she wants time, but at the same time making my own thoughts on the issue pretty clear, would be good. if there is such a way, anyway. most suggestions will probably involve something that wouldn't be appropriate given the current state of our friendship and this whole issue.


[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
because I've been professing my undying love while intoxicated to her for over a year now, and she only just recently began to consider the possibility of it being reciprocated, though we have been extremely close friends the whole time (Think Biggie lyrics: "closer than the average girls supposed to be...people swore we was fckin' but we was just cool" ...describes this relationship perfectly)

she is well aware of MY intentions/feelings as i have made plenty of moves. she put the ball in her own court with our last serious discussion, by asking for time.


[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
I guess I oughta sack up and just try it. Unfortunately, 2nd semester thermo quiz weds, 2 exams before noon on thursday, and a gi-friggin-normous thermo assignment due on friday means that tonight was really my last chance till Friday. And there is a third party that could set me a step back in the progress that may have been made this evening, simply by reminding her that she already has the opportunity for whatever physical play she wants without the silly strings attached [though this has not been a factor for over 6 months, he has recently re-established contact with her, and she is not being entirely open about what exactly is going to go on with this. so far, nothing has happened.].

Just gotta hope they don't make any plans between now and friday night, i guess.



[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
I just realized another complication in the matter (assuming 3rd party guy is not a problem. I am going to pretend he doesn't exist: she did not go to his house with his parents this weekend and two weekends ago, she does not invite him over to watch jeopardy/wheel of fortune / start watching 24 out of the blue with him etc, etc. I win, regardless of how much physical contact he has made with her.)

this last friday night, before drinking, we made a rule that we actually enforced at one point when the conversation turned down a possibly dangerous road, that we were not going to discuss "important things" while intoxicated.

if/when we hang out friday night (i'm taking it for granted, i would like to think this will not depend on 3rd party guy, again, there has been nothing in terms of this guy for 6 months and only in the last 3 days has his re-appearance been made known to me, so i have NO idea if she is going to even see this guy ever again...i know she was talking to him on AIM today, but do not know nor do i want to know details) there will be alcohol involved.

"discussing things" and moving in to try to kiss her are not really distinguishable in this context right? I don't want to break our established code because i feel like forcing the decision to be made sooner than she is ready.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good god man - take a look at yourself! You're a wreck. You owe it to yourself to get this over with and take your best shot.