Essential Content from "Never Trust Anyone" Thread

[tuq]

I wonder exactly what new revelations have increased that thread by 50% over the last day alone? I just don't have time to read it right now.

Anyway, Brown Thumb's two song posts were stellar:

"HAWBAKER [to the tune of "Heartbreaker"]

You promised to teach me poker,
But its over my head
Drownin' me in your huggles
Better leave my bed.

Microwave Thanksgiving dinner, is the least of my inner fantasies.
As bald as Yul Brenner, get the Little Captain away from me

I'm a hawbaker, tubesteaker,
Chip-shanker, don't you mess around with me
I'm a hawbaker, jam maker,
makeup-caker, don't you mess around, no no no

Your Captain set my back on fire
Burnin' outta control
You taught me the ways deception
Now it's back to the pole.

If I could hit my 3 outers, it would fulfill my inner fantasies
The inevitable winner, and yet it will never be.

I'm a hawbaker, tubesteaker,
Chip-shanker, don't you mess around with me
I'm a hawbaker, scam-maker,
account transfer-taker, don't you mess around, no no no

(As for you Tom) You're a roll-taker, mentor faker,
love-taker, don't you mess around with me ...
You're a heartbreaker, dreammaker,
love-taker, heartbreaker!"

and then

"Brandi, You're a Trip By Brown Thumb [to the tune of "Brandy, You're a Fine Girl"]

There's a card room, in Tennessee
Were she plays hundreds of hands for free,
Lonely sailors stop in then go away
But their Captain is here to stay.
There's a girl in this little town
And she cannot lay her gutshots down
They say Brandi buy another rack,
If your broke, take a Lil' Captain in the back.

The rounders say
"Brandi, you're a fine girl
but a good wife you could never be
How can I have a wife that steals from me?

Brandi wears a braided chain
To remind her of the Captain's purple vein.
The day she had her aces cracked, and got a poke right in the back.
He came on a summer's day
He came again, then went astray.
But he made it clear he wouldn't pay
Now her Beamers' towed away.

The rounders say
"Brandi, you're a fine girl
but a good wife you could never be
when your crotch smells like Chicken of the Sea."