Dumb jokes you still find hilarious

[callmedonnie]

Why does Snoop Dogg wear a poncho?

Because of the drizzle.

[hawk59]

A Jewish kid asked his father if he could borrow 5 bucks.

The father said "4 bucks??? What do you need 3 bucks for??????"

[IlliniLou]

what do all battered woman have in common?



they dont listen

[Jehaim]

A young Penguin is driving through Arizona on a hot summer's day when his oil light comes on. He gets out of the car and sees it is leaking oil all over the road.

The Penguin drives to a service station and asks a mechanic to take a look. The mechanic says he has a few other jobs to do 1st, but if the penguin comes back in an hour, he'll know what's wrong. The penguin agrees and goes for a walk.

He Finds an icecream shop and decides a big bowl of vanilla ice cream would really hit the spot...Of course he has no hands, so it's rather messy. By the time he's done he's got icecream all over his flippers and his mouth is a total mess.

He walks back to the service station and asks the mechanic,
"Did you find what's wrong?"

The mechanic replies "it looks like you've blown a seal"

"no , no," says the penguin. "it's just ice cream"

[kemystery]

Farmer says to his doctor; 'Hey Doc, I need some birth control for my daughter.'

Doctor asks 'Why, is she sexually active?'

Farmer; 'No, she just kinda lays there.'

(bonus: make the farmer hail from some funny state, like Alaska)


Three buddies are out walking the golf course one day, and after hitting the 12th tee 'Bob' complains that he has to take a dump but it is too far from the clubhouse.

'Frank' urges 'Bob' to just venture down into the woods off to the side of the teebox and do his business there. 'Bob, hikes into the forest aways, while 'Frank' and the third guy 'Neal' wait on the 12th tee.

After 15-20 minutes several groups have 'played through' with 'Bob' not returning from the forest 'Frank' sends 'Neal' to go find 'Bob'.

Several minutes pass by and 2 more groups play through, 'Frank' decides to go find the two other guys himself. Well soon enough, 'Frank' stumbles into a clearing in the woods and finds 'Neal' has got 'Bob' bent over a tree stump [censored] him doggy style!

"What the hell is going on!!!" yells 'Frank' "What the [censored] are you guys doing?"

'Neal' starts explaining "Well, I came down here and Bob was on the ground - unconscious...."

"You moron..." interrupts 'Frank' "That's what mouth - to - mouth rescesitation is for!"

'Neal: "Well... that's how it started"

[pmdvert18]

A 4th grade boy came home from school one day and told his mom he had sex with his teacher. His mother was upset and sent him to his room and told him they would discuss this when his father got home from work. When his dad got home, mom told dad what his son had done at school that day. Dad immediately gave his son a high five and told him that he would buy him a new bike to welcome him into manhood. They proceeded to the bike store where the boy bought a shiny new bike. As they were leaving, dad asked his son if he would like to ride his bike home since they lived only a few minutes away. The boy replied, "No dad, my ass still hurts"

[1huskerfan]

What does an 80 year old lady taste like?



Depends