Funniest thing you've heard while playing online.

[Cowboy21]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Playing limit Omaha $1/$2

A raising war between 2 players ends up in every single round being capped. Player 1 shows the nuts (an Ace high flush) and takes down a nice pot.

Player 2 goes bezerk, "WTF I had the best hand on every street! This site is rigged etc etc"

Hand history reveals just what he was dealt :

8[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]8[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]8[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img]8[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

But didn't everyone make that mistake the first time they played Omaha? I know i sure as hell did.

[/ QUOTE ]

Gotta agree with you there. Those Quad Aces look so beautiful the first time you pick them up, until you realize they're utterly [censored] useless.

JJ

[EvilSmurf]

MTT at UB: I have KK UTG and raise 3x the BB, SB pushes for about 10BB, I call, I show my Kings, SB shows 55.
In the chatbox SB says "I can never win a race".

[Nomad84]

This was at the Stars $5/10 late last night. Three players claimed to be tourney players who didn't play limit much. Two were having a discussion about tourneys and the third, who had been mouthing for a while, had this to say:

xxxxxxx said, "i dont mind losing in tourneys, almost always learn something"
yyyyyyy said, "do you ever learn that your just bad at them?"

[GuardDawg30]

I was reading a thread in the omaha section and came across this at the end of the post..I about fell off of my chair laughing: PLO - is about as good for your sanity as waking up with the worst hangover of your life and vague memories of having unprotected sex with a 42-year old crack-whore, taking a test for sexually tramsitted diseases and waiting for a couple of weeks for the results.

[sweetjazz]

bump

[elindauer]

Is there any way to pull out chat from sessions? Pokertracker? I doubt it, but thought I'd ask, as I have some gems buried in my off-the-cuff trash talking off of the various goofballs I sit with every day.


Here are a couple of my favorite responses:

doofus: you suck at poker
elindauer: I know. Thank god you're here, or I'd probably lose.

or another favorite:

doofus: I can't believe you called. You suck.
elindauer: thanks for the tip. can you recommend any poker books for me?
elindauer: I'll buy it with the money I just won from you
elindauer: and write "from doofus, with love" on the inside cover

-Eric

[dogsballs]

[ QUOTE ]
ZenMusician: I don't have internet
#1: LOL!

[/ QUOTE ]


Brilliant.

[ QUOTE ]
This is pretty a pretty funny one that my fried told to me. He was play 5/10 limit holdem on a cruise ship.He played for about an hour and my friend bets into some guy on the flop. The guy thinks for about 30 seconds, pushes in all of his stack and says, "I'm allin." The dealer had to instruct him that the most he could bet was $5. The rest of the table got a good laugh.

[/ QUOTE ]

lol

[jackal47]

[ QUOTE ]
Funniest live game: I was dealing a home game with some married friends. One married couple featured a wife who was hitting every hand in sight and her husband who had to borrow several times from her. During a hand, her husband was heads-up against another guy.

Husband (apparently liking his hand, to wife): Gimme some of your chips.
Me: Sorry, you can’t borrow chips during a hand.
Husband: Why?
Wife: Because you’re going to lose AGAIN, that’s why!
Husband: What if you play my cards for me?
Wife: Just because you slap butter on s###, don’t make it biscuits.

He lost the hand, set against flush.

Funniest online:
Some guy: "Man, I can't hit a flop to save my life."
Me (being a punk): "Why don't you check the 'hit flops' option at the bottom of the screen?"
Some guy: "Is that why I'm losing? Can you describe where it is?"

ScottieK

[/ QUOTE ]

Gold [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[miketurner]

A couple that I’ve used....

To a berater: “Please don’t tap on the aquarium”

Another one, but to a friend in home game: “You feel that sting? That’s your pride f***in' witcha” ala Pulp Fiction [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]