[pc in NM]

[ QUOTE ]
ALL:
Here's the thing about pushing things forward myself...I really think this would violate my belief in the sanctity of marriage (sanctity, not sanity...little of the latter obv)...Many of you disagree with that in principle, but when I made promises on my wedding day, I didn’t add: “unless some crazy s—t happens and you change your mind”…I wouldn’t have honor or integrity if I didn’t try to follow the commitment I made to never give up.

More importantly, I want to believe that it's not over… and if I just end it myself now I have no shot...But I'll try to keep in mind that if it really is over I should start calling shots myself to gain some more control over my life. I'll probably move out of town, maybe just pick up and travel for a few months...I dunno. I like my job but this town has little going for it other than her.

Another tough thing is that I have very few close friends in this city…they’ve all moved away…I can’t really go calling people up like a teenager and hanging out with my family is too depressing right now. Anyway, I know OOT is the wrong place for advice and consolation, cuz we’re all such sarcastic a-holes, but this thread has made me feel a bit better. Thanks again…

--GA

[/ QUOTE ] I came to this thread very late, but would offer you this...

Stick by your guns - if you want the marriage, maintain that position, and continue to offer to pursue marriage counseling. That's your choice, and nothing should stop you from doing what you value and desire....

However, until she decides that she wants to work on "saving" the marriage, I would advise against marriage counseling. Up to the point where she actually decides to commit to working out the problems in the marriage, it's her own personal and individual counseling issues that need to be addressed. Allowing her to be ambivalent or to merely explain why she doesn't want the marriage within the context of "masrriage counseling" only tears you up inside and allows her to vent passive agressive anger towards you - that's a "no win" situation for you. (Any competent therapist would know this too, IMNSHO!)

So, you can affirm your values and hopes, AND still set clear limits and reasonable expectations. Meanwhile, unless and until the situation gets to a clear resolution, start making that city more "your own" - that too might be a part of the ultimate resolution, whatever that may be....

Good luck!!!!