no point in life?
 

** I know this isn't poker related but I'm not posting this in BBV4L or OOT - I'm not stupid** (I just need some advice)

Hey all, I was going to make a gimmick account to make this post but as I don't really know anyone on here it wouldnt make much difference.

If anything I just needed to type it out instead of just keeping it to myself and pray someone gives some advice and not a rickroll or a DIAF comment.

I'm only 22 but last week while I was working I suddenly realised I was going to be doing the same boring job for years (I dropped out of University with a 'few' debts two years ago.) and while my friends are all finishing masters degrees and putting mortgages down I am only working to pay rent to my parents and pay off this god forsaken loan which means I make approx £1000 a month at the moment but get less than £300 to myself every month.

I hate my job and hate my life. I can't afford to take a holiday because I am trying to save for real life things like a flat etc. I drive a beat down BMW (see my [censored] it post lol, good times!) and have lost contact with most of my friends who are in Uni or work better jobs than me and have found a new circle of colleagues/friends to hang out with.

I spend most of my time in work then I will go home, have a shower, check on the 3 or 4 forums I am a member of just to catch up on anything that happens. I have something to eat and then literally just wait for the next day to start. It sickens me that I spend more time in work than I get free time to myself.

Work is a facade for me, I have to appear happy etc. for the boss and the customers but I literally can't keep it up. It's also sad for me that I have to come online to tell anyone who will listen and most people who don't care.

I don't expect I will be debt free for over a year at this rate and every thought I have is that every choice I've made in my life has been th wrong one.

I relly don't know what to do to turn things around and I'm hoping someone can suggest something because I don't want to do anything drastic if you get my meaning but the gravity of my situation has been weighing on my for a while now.

It's my birthday on the 10th October and I don't think I've ever felt worse about something I'm supposed to celebrate, what the hell have I got to be happy about?

Re: no point in life?
 

Meh, not a great situation there but plenty of people have it worse. At least you're only 22... there are lots of people in your situation in their upper 20s who still haven't got their life on any kind of a track (I was one, luckily I was living cheap and had no debt though).

I'm not sure if it works this way in England but it's worth checking on... in the US, if you're over 22 and you're going back to college you qualify for free government grants to pay for tuition. I don't understand it exactly, but since it counts as "adult education" there's free money there. Finishing college is definitely a good thing to do if you can.

As for the rest... I don't know, hard to give good advice on a situation I don't really understand. Find a different kind of job maybe? Or try just going out somewhere you've never been before, find something to get interested in. Even if it's just some junky TV show you heard was supposed to be good. IMO it's easier to get through all the boring crap if you have something to look forward to and be interested in.

Re: no point in life?
 

Ok a few things:

1. You are 22, you have plenty of years left and they wont all be like this.

2. A question, how come you have to pay your student loan off so quickly? I don't, its take from me at about £40 a month, out of my salary.

3. It sounds like you have no goals in life. This isn't unusual. Alot of graduates complete their degrees and have no idea what they want to do, some are lucky, but most arn't. The question you really need to ask yourself is "what do you want to do?". Your job obviously doesn't satisfy you, but you might need it for a bit.

4. What did you graduate in by the way?

5. You're first (out of you and your friends) out into the big wide world after uni and it is definately hard. You've taken the first step and once it is time for them to do the same you'll no doubt know what your plan is.

5. I never get worked up about birthdays, you find them less of a bother as you get older, don't sweat it.

6. Find some social clubs to join, learn a sport or something.

Generally speak, get out there and do stuff, [censored] online forums [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]. You'll find alot more answers than we could give by going out there and failing miserably in the short term and winning in the long term.

Re: no point in life?
 

You're working a crappy job, you have no money and you're up to your eyeballs in debt. Who wouldn't be depressed. Solution is find a way to make more money to eliminate these pressures. I don't know how you can do that. You have to figure it out. But your current situation sucks, so it's understandable you feel like that. Plus it must especially suck to have no money or status in a place like England.

Re: no point in life?
 

Hmm. What kind of relationship do you have with your parents? If you can, try talking to them about this. Maybe they can/will help.

It doesn't sound like you feel you have no point in life, quite the opposite actually. It seems more like you have lots of things you'd like to be doing instead, but can't because you are stuck with your situation. My guess is that things will get better for you.

Edit: There's some good advise above my post. For people our age, regular exercise will solve so much. Also, take small steps toward eating healthier. Get out there and do things, but also give yourself something to look forward to every day (tv show, computer game, w/e). And stick with your job for the time being... when it gets tough, keep in mind you'll be looking back laughing at it in the not-so-distant future.

Re: no point in life?
 

[ QUOTE ]
You're working a crappy job, you have no money and you're up to your eyeballs in debt. Who wouldn't be depressed. Solution is find a way to make more money to eliminate these pressures. I don't know how you can do that. You have to figure it out. But your current situation sucks, so it's understandable you feel like that. Plus it must especially suck to have no money or status in a place like England.

[/ QUOTE ]

Money solves little.

Re: no point in life?
 

It does if you've got none. What's you get to a certain point money does make no difference to anything.

Re: no point in life?
 

[ QUOTE ]
I'm not sure if it works this way in England but it's worth checking on... in the US, if you're over 22 and you're going back to college you qualify for free government grants to pay for tuition.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree, I need to finish what I started (Teacher Training) in Uni but I cant afford to leave my job with so much debt. I should expand on that, I had dorms to pay for along with food etc. (I actually don't drink or do drugs or anything so cheap there [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]) and got an additional Barclays loan because new UK Uni fees went up from £1k to £3k my year in uni.

Basically I am paying the Barclays loan off primarily and the Student loan is like stated only about £50/month.

[ QUOTE ]
Plus it must especially suck to have no money or status in a place like England.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks for the blunt answer but FU on that point, is that how you get off?

Thanks all for the answer, looks like I have to give a few things up like forums and get out there. I still feel like crap though, but I will take all your advice in hand and thanks for replying

Re: no point in life?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You're working a crappy job, you have no money and you're up to your eyeballs in debt. Who wouldn't be depressed. Solution is find a way to make more money to eliminate these pressures. I don't know how you can do that. You have to figure it out. But your current situation sucks, so it's understandable you feel like that. Plus it must especially suck to have no money or status in a place like England.

[/ QUOTE ]

Money solves little.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hah. How true.

Re: no point in life?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Ok a few things...Generally speak, get out there and do stuff, [censored] online forums [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]. You'll find alot more answers than we could give by going out there and failing miserably in the short term and winning in the long term.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks for this post [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

And I haven't even been rickrolled so far [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Re: no point in life?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Ok a few things...Generally speak, get out there and do stuff, [censored] online forums [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]. You'll find alot more answers than we could give by going out there and failing miserably in the short term and winning in the long term.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks for this post [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

And I haven't even been rickrolled so far [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

No problem. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: no point in life?
 

It sounds like your life sucks, and will probably continue to suck until you pay off your debts. Embrace the suckiness and count the days?

There's now pretty extensive literature on how to cultivate positive affect, e.g. The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt. Try starting with that. Any kind of club/social activity that interests you will probably help.

Re: no point in life?
 

I don't pretend to have any real advice for you as I don't know anything about you iother than your post.

However, these two quotes were given to me early on in life. It has helped shape my mental perspective on life and develope a very successful and satisfying career.

1. Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow

Try to do something that you enjoy doing. It may not be much money at first, but time has a way of rewarding those with patience.

2. Do What You Love and You'll Never Have to Work

If you dread waking up everyday, going to the same job and wishing the day would end, you will be in hell on earth.

However, if your job is something you truly enjoy doing, it will not seem like work. You will be getting paid for doing something you would do for free, which is what makes life worth living.

Good luck and I hope you find your path in life.

Rod

Re: no point in life?
 

"This too shall pass."

Some guy said that. Listen, do whatever it takes to get your degree. You'll need that. Take a loan out.

Then go to korea and teach esl. You'll pay off your debts, save money, and live a carefree expat lifestyle.

Don't buy a car. A car is kryptonite to your finances.

Re: no point in life?
 

[ QUOTE ]
"This too shall pass."

Some guy said that. Listen, do whatever it takes to get your degree. You'll need that. Take a loan out.

Then go to korea and teach esl. You'll pay off your debts, save money, and live a carefree expat lifestyle.

Don't buy a car. A car is kryptonite to your finances.

[/ QUOTE ]

[x] Assuming his finances is Superman :P

Re: no point in life?
 

Well, you are alive. That's something.
Meh, maybe you're stuck in some sort of existential vacuum.
You're free to make whatever choice(s) you care to. Looking to others to establish some sort of direction, does not free you from making the decision.
Interesting paradox isn't it?

Re: no point in life?
 

Maybe if you hate your job so much you could try to find a new one. It might be equally crappy but the change of pace and learning a new routine might perk you up a bit. And the extra job skills could look good on your resume. Don't just sit around and whine, at least try something different. Most employers don't want someone working for them who is miserable doing the job.

Your situation reminds me a lot of where I was a couple of years ago. In the process of getting my expensive college degree in a useless field, I learned I had no interest in working in said field whatsoever. I pretty much burned my bridges so there is no going back, in a career sense. And I had like $20k in student loans to pay off.

It took a bit of mucking around and I've gone through several odd jobs over the past 3 years, but I am now debt-free and ready to go out and have fun in the world. I also have some solid work references and there are a few jobs I know I can do reasonably well. They are jobs that are in high demand in any large city, so I have considerable flexibility that I would not have in a higher-paying position.

It's a long, lonely road though, I know. But if you can work hard for a few years you will at least be impressed at the progress you have made. You will be proud of yourself in the long run for having dug yourself out of this hole.

Also as others have said you are only 22. That is very young (you will realize this by the time you are in your late 20s). You are supposed to be making mistakes when you are young. People act like they don't but everyone does.

I'd especially advise against getting involved in a serious relationship/marriage/children, at least until you have been out on your own for a few years. You don't know what you're doing yet and you are nowhere close to approaching your maximum value in terms of the caliber of woman you can attract. Don't get sucked in by some hose beast.

I'd also advise against habitual drug/alcohol use -- that will only run up more debt and hurt your health.

& going back to school may not be the answer. It's my belief that college is way overrated. Then again for some jobs you pretty much have to go. But don't go just because you don't know what to do. There is little more disappointing than wasting several years and thousands of dollars, to gain nothing more than a useless piece of paper.

Good luck.

Re: no point in life?
 

Learn to snowboard, do a winter somewhere snowy, get a seasonaire job, meet a million cool people and find new opportunities. Come spring you'll have a new hobby, loads of new friends and something to look forward to every year. It wont solve your immediate debt problems (unless you are good at poker too) but you'll feel much better about yourself and it looks like that is the important thing you need to address.

Of couse you could replace snowboarding with anything, it's just what I do but I think it's a good choice because it's a really fun, diverse scene and you get to do something that is amazingly fun in beautiful scenery.

I was in a similar boat, not anywhere near as depressed as you sound but working in a job that didn't really have much future and thinking there is no way I can carry on doing it for ever.

Re: no point in life?
 

yeah, a lot of good advice here and like I said before I appreciate every reply. I won't bump this thread again as I plan to take a break from most of the things that I think are annoying me (including spending a large amount of time on these forums.)

So I'll bump it in a few weeks and let everyone know how I'm going :P

Re: no point in life?
 

i think its never useless to get a degree, I mean alot of functions are available outside of your degree. just because you got one. correct me if im wrong.

Re: no point in life?
 

Learn to pla poker bro. All the mone$ u need man.

gl

Re: no point in life?
 

life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced

Re: no point in life?
 

survival and replication

Re: no point in life?
 

Well today is his b-day. Any update?

I don't really have much advice. I happen to agree with the people on the first page who felt your issue was that you need more money. I think if you had a substantial increase in income you'd quickly get over this.

In one respect you are better off then a lot of people in your situation. Your situation sucks and you realize it. A lot of people are delusional about that and they actually convince themselves that they are happy when they are not. This greatly increases your chances of escaping this rut.

From a pretty early age I was pretty set on not having a boring life. I had decided from the outset that I was going to do whatever it took and if I failed I rather kill myself then live a boring life. As such I get where you are. Best of luck and happy birthday.

Re: no point in life?
 

Lol thanks, it was a good Bday I guess. Lots of ppl text to say congrats and stuff which included most of my friends that had moved away like I said above.

I've started the gym which is costing a fair bit but I'm hoping it will weigh against my happiness and all work out. My job still sucks and I don't anticipate leaving or getting a promotion anytime soon but it's not for the lack of trying.

I didn't mean for my original posts to lean towards money, I'm pretty sure if I was loaded I would still feel like this only without my debts. Its my state of mind more than my finances that upset me.

I have a trip down to London soon to actually meet some of the guys off the Hendon Mob Forum! which is nice as you don't usually get to see people in real life so I've got something to look forward too aswell [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

So a very happy post for me to write today [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

Re: no point in life?
 

small point: are you sure there is no way to reduce your loan (other than paying it back, obviously)? things like getting a consolidation loan. hell, are you sure you can't declare bankruptcy or something?

Re: no point in life?
 

Declaring bankruptcy is a loser thing to do. Even if it gets someone out of financial issues the damage it does to them as a person is much worse. Self-respect will be shot for life.

Re: no point in life?
 

Wow. I'm normally a lurker par excellence but this rang true for me.

I was living in Ireland, dropped out of college at 21 when I realised what I'd chosen wasn't for me. Had to move home for a bit and was stuck working a dead end job trying to pay off huge debts.

it was depressing as hell.

After a while ( and much looking ) I found a college course I found interesting. Second time around everything seemed easier...combination of doing something I could see benefiting me and maturity. Life experience I was able to apply to the course.

Long story short I'm happily married, debt paid off ( have a mortgage tho ), and living in sunny California now.

Going back to school is not for everyone, but what I gained was a sense of achievement and self-belief that's still with me.

Re: no point in life?
 

http://icanhascheezburger.files.word...ux-doan-wa.jpg

Re: no point in life?
 

Join the military.

Serve your country.

Get out, hopefully alive and intact.

You will appreciate having a boring job a lot more than you do now. At least no one will be shooting at you. I know I benefitted from my time in the army.

A lot of young people without focus do well after a 3- or 4-year stint in the service.

And if you are a pacifist, a stint in something like the Peace Corps is an option, as well.

Re: no point in life?
 

youre stucking between end of youth and becoming an adult.
youre only 22, dont worry too much, feeling like in nomansland isnt unusual in this time,i would suggest to find a passion (whatever that means for you- a creative hobby? girl/s? sports?)

Re: no point in life?
 

The reality of leaving college/university and being bored in life is a common thing. Something like 80% of my friends have faced in the last few years, whether they have dropped out or finish most end up in call centres being bored all day without much to think about. Some are lucky enough to get a good job but most dont- such is life.
I may well find myself at your stage in the next year, but I can only suggest that you do something. Find something that interests you and focus on it. Even if you dont, think of something you want to do and try to make it happen. You should take pride that you dont seem to be the time of person to settle for a mediocre life. Whether it be poker, gym, sexual conquests, whatever you like really...As long as it keeps you motivated in life its worth it. This may or may not work for you, but I feel like I need some motivation in life to keep me sane.

If all else fails, why not look abroad. Coming from the UK is a wonderful thing in the oppurtunities it allows you to go around the world. The pound goes far further almost everywhere in the world than here.

Good luck

Re: no point in life?
 

[ QUOTE ]
The reality of leaving college/university and being bored in life is a common thing. Something like 80% of my friends have faced in the last few years, whether they have dropped out or finish most end up in call centres being bored all day without much to think about. Some are lucky enough to get a good job but most dont-

[/ QUOTE ]

I find this is a big problem because we are sending way too many people to university. I'd say at least 60% of undergrad students have no business being at university. In the end it just builds up their expectations and makes the inevitable disappointment that much greater.

Re: no point in life?
 

I had no choice but to go to univeristy to go on and be a teacher which is what I intended as it is not possible to teach without a degree (rightfully so). The mistake I made was rushing into the wrong course at the wrong university so to say 60% etc. may be right in one sense but I feel the advice given before you head off to univeristy is severely lacking.

I have no doubt had someone spoken to me more in depth at the time I would be finished with Uni with a degree and a full time job where I was happy and none of my above problems?

But I still appreciate the massive response on the thread and read every new reply so thanks.

Re: no point in life?
 

The problem is that (at least where I live) we have a post secondary participation rate that is at 40%. That is up from 35% just 5 years ago. There is also this mentality that everyone should go to university.

40% of the population isn't smart enough to be in university so the standards have been lowered to accommodate them. Most can't handle it so end up in joke degrees like psych or sociology and then wonder why they don't earn $75k/year.

Students are also having their expectations greatly increased. I run into students at pubs who attend what has to be one of the lower rung Canadian universities and they all think they are going to be CEOs of Fortune 500 companies. That they go to a [censored] school and that there are thousands of people just like them at better schools never even occurs to them. When they graduate they get hit hard with reality and end up depressed.

Re: no point in life?
 

God you sound so much like I was a couple of years ago its scary.

I managed to figure out what I *did* want to do and started training as a pilot. I worked my nuts off in a succession of crap jobs to pay for the training and bonus whored like a [censored] for a year to afford the training. But even just a few months ago I was thinking 'maybe this isn't for me, maybe I should finish my degree..etc etc...' And it was still bothering me because I had no money and nothing concrete in terms of earning potential to show for it.

Anyway, last week I got offered my first flying job and I swear I have never been happier and now give absolutely zero [censored] about not finishing a degree.

I guess what im just trying to say is that first you have to figure out what you *really* want to do and then just bust your balls in order to be able to do it. Trust me, if I can do it almost anybody can.

Re: no point in life?
 

I also agree 100% with the post just above my previous one.

Re: no point in life?
 

Do you have an option to back to school? Like can you take out loans, etc? I know this doesnt sound fun, but if going back means you will get a job you enjoy and pays better then having debt when you come out wont be the end of the world? I think itll also put you in a better mindset. School debt isnt so bad either if you have a roommate or significant other you are living with afterwards anyway. What do your parents think? Can they or will they help any? Why did you quit? If you dont want to go back, can you quit and get some other job?

You have got to regain some of your social contacts. If they are in uni and that makes you blah its okay, everyone takes a different road - just trying and enjoy your friends for they are hun, dont let what they are doing in their lives affect your friendship.

I know it seems rough at times like this, but there are things to be happy about, you just arent seeing them because of the other things you are focused on. Seriously, take some time for yourself, even if you cant take time "off" work right now, take some time mentally for yourself. Try and search for what makes you happy and just lay and relax, slowly get yourself back together. Just take it one step at a time.

Re: no point in life?
 

i struggled with rather severe depression throughout most of my college years (just ended last year) and I have to say no advice really matters when you are in the middle of it but I will try (many people have already touched on these)

1. try and surround yourself with anything you like. TV shows, movies, books. I know everything costs money but you can afford small things like this. I always found reading philosophy and such things to make me feel better

2. try and exercise. I could only get on a regular routine once I was happy again, catch 22, but if you can it helps.

3. Try to build some human relationships. Talking to other people is absolutely essential for happiness and another catch 22 about being depressed is you generally isolate yourself from people.
Try to find people with similar interests/situations. Also, romantic relationships are very important. I became so much happier when I met my girlfriend, though I think we wouldn't have worked out if I hadn't been feeling better
I don't think quitting the forums is necessarily a good idea, it could help a lot

4. Seek professional guidance if you can. I saw a school psychiatrist for a long time and it helped greatly. I also took prozac for over a year. I know in the UK they don't use drugs as much for these things but I used it temporarily and I think it helped me get through some hard times.
I would recommend Peter D. Kramer's books on the subject


It will almost surely end eventually. Time is sometimes the only thing that works. Just plug away at whatever you are doing. Try to have some goals in mind but even if you don't you are young and you don't need to know what you're doing.
Keep on keepin' on.

Re: no point in life?
 

[ QUOTE ]

Most can't handle it so end up in joke degrees like psych or sociology and then wonder why they don't earn $75k/year.

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Wrong. Why are those degrees a joke? I have an IT degree (something I think you consider "not a joke"), so I am being objective when talking about this. Somebody doing psych or sociology out of passion is just as entitled to $75k/year as anybody else. And judging somebody by their degree is the most superficial thing you could do. The most important thing imo is to be honest to youself. If you like psych do it for whatever it pays. You will be very good in a few years and people will want to pay you good money to help them. If you like poker, [censored] degrees. Get better and better at it until you get much more than $75k/year. And finally don't get a degree just because "it pays well". You won't like your job and will never be the best at it.