B&M Cliches
 

Play enough live poker and you start to hear so many cliches from table chatter that you wanna just rip your own ears off. A lot of these are 80 year-old stale "jokes" that, amazingly, people still think are funny. Others are just pathetic one-liners that say nothing and simply tell me that the player is a gigantic piece of Samsonite.

Examples:

* When two guys turn over the same hand and chop the pot, one guy (usually the older, nittier one) always has to say, "You play that junk?!" with a knowing wink, indicating to everyone he has a sense of humor -- because, you see, HE played the SAME cards!

* After someone loses a big pot, in the very next hand they raise preflop and say, "Steam raise!" or "Now you guys got me on tilt!" or something like that. Of course this means he has a monster.

* When somebody checkraises, some guy usually trapped in the middle of it has to say, "Chicken raise!" If not, then he will flop nothing in first position and say, "I check and raise" but when somebody bets, he laughs and folds.

* "Cappuccino!"

* When someone has been card-dead for a while, he will usually say, "Hey dealer! Are there any face cards in that deck?!" This is often followed by somebody else saying, "Setup!"

* The one guy not in the hand will see a ragged flop and say, "Give me my cards back!" Then he looks around the table smiling, looking for affirmation of how funny he is.

I had like ten of these in mind when I decided I was going to start this thread, but I forgot some. Anyway, what else ya got?

Re: B&M Cliches
 

All that and you didn't get to the cliche berating and whining lines that people use when they get beat. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Funny post though. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] I was imagining faces in my cardroom saying those lines.

b

Re: B&M Cliches
 

Especially at low limits, people who raise or cap a pot preflop and then yell "LOWBALL!" before the flop is dealt.

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i always thought the whole point of live poker was being a jackass. i think its a 'if you can't beat um join um' kind of a thing

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If the Ace of diamonds comes on the flop, and then 40 hands later it flops again, someone will say "You shuffle that deck dealer?!"

I have one that I use myself, I think it kind of loosens the game up. If anyone steals this without giving credit I will bad beat your soul.
Someoneone will say "You always give me half a hand" or "I always get one card from you." I just say "Look at the same card twice and play accordingly!" Usually gets a laugh from the table.

The sexual innuendos are just retarded, especially since old men never get any.

"She had a BIG pair" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU ARE [censored] FUNNY. All in, she made me raise, blah blah blah STFU

Anyone that uses a Rounders reference(except me because then it's just so surprising it's almost funny) at any time in any circumstance ever.

There are so many more.

EDIT: Folding, laundry. You aren't funny, and women do the laundry, what are you a girl?

When a rock wins two pots in a row and then folds T3o for a raise and says "I'll LET you have this one!" OMG HILARIOUS LOLOLOL
For the last week I've been replacing every verb relating to pressure or aggression with "Chuck Norris."
"You just got Chuck Norrised sir, you can either call or fold."
It's so much better than half the crap I hear so I figure I'll go with it for a while.

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When it checks around...
*" I guess this is a family pot! "

When possible BBJ cards come up (AAK)
*" Ooooohh!! Two of you better have it! "

When the board double pairs (A6677)
*" I win with three pair! "

This isn't cliche, but was terribly lame...

At showdown "I've got a pair... OF THE NUTS!" (it was actually the second nuts)

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"I've got 2 pair...3's and 3's" as the moron slow rolls his quads. I'll ask them "so did you have a pocket pair to start with?"

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I say alot of these. I also like when someone bets and everyone with cards calls - "Did anyone call?"

-DeathDonkey

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There was a 6 way reraise preflop in 20-40 and before the flop came I asked the blinds if they wanted to chop.

Table laughed, and not that 'I laugh because everyone else is' laugh either.

I'm so [censored] good.

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[ QUOTE ]
* When someone has been card-dead for a while, he will usually say, "Hey dealer! Are there any face cards in that deck?!" This is often followed by somebody else saying, "Setup!"

[/ QUOTE ]
This would be notable if you didn't live in LA.

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"I had two overs, I had to call you to the river."

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They were soooooted.

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Cheesiest thing I ever said was when I was on the button and the person who was supposed to be small blind got up so, there was just a big blind. After it was folded around to me, I asked the big blind if he wanted to chop.

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I love corny cliches. The corny lines I like...

When the dealer says "Option?" I say "2 new cards please."

I'm also fond of " I have a possible pair."

And when I play where I know everyone, my new bit is I keep a quarter on the table and tell the dealer there is a shiny new quarter in it for him if I win a hand. Thinking about trying that one at Bellagio .

Re: B&M Cliches
 

[ QUOTE ]
Then he looks around the table smiling, looking for affirmation of how funny he is.


[/ QUOTE ]

I thought Bob Hope was dead.

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[ QUOTE ]
I love corny cliches. The corny lines I like...

When the dealer says "Option?" I say "2 new cards please."

I'm also fond of " I have a possible pair."

And when I play where I know everyone, my new bit is I keep a quarter on the table and tell the dealer there is a shiny new quarter in it for him if I win a hand. Thinking about trying that one at Bellagio .

[/ QUOTE ]
Don't do this. Any of this. Or anything similar to this.

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[ QUOTE ]
I love corny cliches. The corny lines I like...

When the dealer says "Option?" I say "2 new cards please."

I'm also fond of " I have a possible pair."

And when I play where I know everyone, my new bit is I keep a quarter on the table and tell the dealer there is a shiny new quarter in it for him if I win a hand. Thinking about trying that one at Bellagio .

[/ QUOTE ]
I got in trouble for promising to tip a blackbird if I won a pot. I then proceeded to lose every pot on her down, of course, but I think I may have won something small at the end. I actually remember throwing her a blackbird, but she said "you aren't really tipping that, are you?" so I took it back and gave her a red. She could have just taken it...

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[ QUOTE ]
"I've got 2 pair...3's and 3's" as the moron slow rolls his quads.

[/ QUOTE ]

Its to bad the Spaniard has a straight flush and Maverick hit his Royal....

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[ QUOTE ]
* "Cappuccino!"

[/ QUOTE ]

Or the local favorite: Put a beanie on the weanie!

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I'm tired of hearing "nice hand".

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The only thing I ever really do is if someone raises with a big hand I'll say "Man I shoulda called, I had undercards"

Obviously a bad reference to when someone says I had overs.

Ive also heard people say " I was on a pair draw"

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Slow rolling quads is an acceptable reason for that person to get a SKITN...

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I played with an obnoxious guy in Reno (backward hat, shades, g/f sweating) and he would yell "Raisin Bran" every time he raised.

Also, Czechoslovakia when someone checks.

"Junk keeps coming up, so I'm playing junk."

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The most annoying ones seem to come from the old fish who regularly misplay big PPs and AK.

"Anna Kournakova," one will say solemnly after limping AK UTG, then check-calling a ragged board to the river. "Looks great, but never wins."

Or, "This damn hand never wins for me," after limping QQ, calling down on a 7-high board, then losing to K7 when the river is a king.

Others:

"I had an ace, what was I supposed to do?" after calling a PF raise with A2o, calling down an ace-high board and losing to AK or AQ.

"Yeah, but it was suited," explaining oneself for calling a raise PF with 84s and turning trips.

"I felt it. I knew it was coming," after hanging around with 33 on a board of AKQx, and rivering a set.

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[ QUOTE ]

I have one that I use myself, I think it kind of loosens the game up. If anyone steals this without giving credit I will bad beat your soul.
Someoneone will say "You always give me half a hand" or "I always get one card from you." I just say "Look at the same card twice and play accordingly!" Usually gets a laugh from the table.

[/ QUOTE ]

if anyone steals this line from you i'll give you $100

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I like:

"I had to play 'em because the low cards are hitting today..."

"Hold'em is a 7 card game."

"The check is in the mail."

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Oh man sooooo many.....

Aces & spaces, MOTOWN-Jacks & Fives, I was on a _____ draw,
After folding look at the dealer and say "Did you shuffle this deck ?" THE WHEEL, BROADWAY, Someone who folded earlier in the hand turns to someone else when a card comes and says "I folded/had a _____", etc...etc...

Re: B&M Cliches
 

Entertaining post
Here's a couple...

Two suited cards flop, and the river is a third. AFTER the fifth street bets are called he asks "Does anyone have a flush?" just before smugly showing down his boat. You should be shot for that.

Two players see a flop, one bets and the other folds. The folder asks what the bettor had, and, well you know what comes next....Sorry John, I don't remember. Damn. Wish I would have thought that one up.

Re: B&M Cliches
 

[ QUOTE ]
I also like when someone bets and everyone with cards calls - "Did anyone call?"


[/ QUOTE ]

i think this is funny every time i hear it.

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[ QUOTE ]
I also like when someone bets and everyone with cards calls - "Did anyone call?"

[/ QUOTE ]

or turning to the next table and saying - "would anybody on that table like to call this bet also?"

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I really hate when people say reraise when they are the first raiser.

Also, when the dealer accidentaly exposes someone's second hole card, some stupid joke about how it was going to be aces

Finally, the obligatory look how bad (or good) my hand was when people chop

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you fold 94o preflop and the cards accidentally flip up. whole table shouts "oooooo he's so tight"/"I raise those!!"/"there goes all my outs!"

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Some player: "Quads." [Shows down.]
Five people at the table: "THAT'S ALL?!"

For what it's worth I've heard this much more often in Atlantic City than anywhere else.

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[ QUOTE ]
I'm tired of saying "nice hand".

[/ QUOTE ]

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[ QUOTE ]
you fold 94o preflop and the cards accidentally flip up. whole table shouts "oooooo he's so tight"/"I raise those!!"/"there goes all my outs!"

[/ QUOTE ]

If you really want to freak people out, fold something like K4o or (shudder) A4o. Most low-limit players will think you are insane for folding any ace preflop, no matter the action ahead of you.

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[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'll never be tired of hearing "nice hand".

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

I do sometimes say "I was on a draw-draw" when I turn my busted-bluff on the river...Is that terrible?

For some reason I hear: "Winner-winner chicken dinner" a lot when someone hits runner-runner..WTF is that?

My two favorite cliches for all time--

"AiyaAH!!!!!!" Followed by ,
"GAMBOOOL!"

Sounds like home...
--GA

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[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
you fold 94o preflop and the cards accidentally flip up. whole table shouts "oooooo he's so tight"/"I raise those!!"/"there goes all my outs!"

[/ QUOTE ]

If you really want to freak people out, fold something like K4o or (shudder) A4o. Most low-limit players will think you are insane for folding any ace preflop, no matter the action ahead of you.

[/ QUOTE ]

I pitched KJo UTG at Seneca Niagara once and accidentally exposed it. You would have thought I had eaten a puppy before the hand.

Of course the flop came AQT rainbow.

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When the flop comes A22(or any other board pair):
"Damn, sorry I folded my ducks!(or rockets, or snowmen ad nauseum)"

"Aces never hold up"

and the ever popular: Getting Furious at the dealer for a random even they have no control over (Especially so when there's an autoshuffler)

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[ QUOTE ]
Ive also heard people say " I was on a pair draw"

[/ QUOTE ] I say this one...it's usually good for a chuckle...especially if I'm cultivating a maniac image that night.

Re: B&M Cliches
 

Flipping up a busted 65s straight flush on the river: "Straight flush, les bitches!!"