Dating/relationship general advice thread - volume 2

JanelleBB7 · #1 11-24-2007, 07:09 PM

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Alrite so I am having a little difficulty deciding how much too spend on my Girlfriends x-mas gifts. She works part time and is a student with heavy debt and is spending probably 250-350 on me.
I feel obligated to spend substantially more seeing as I make maybe 15-20x more then her. So my question Is how much more to both make it an equal gesture on my part without going overboard (ie 20 x 350).

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I would like to say it is not what you spend as much as it is about getting the gift she really wants, but there is some truth that if your gf spends 250 on you and you make more you should spend more. However I don't think it has to be exactly what you make more than her like a math equation lol. #1 make sure it is what she wanted or what she really really wants and then it won't matter as much what it exactly costs. I would say if you make a LOT more than her you should buy he something at least 4 to 5 times more so 1250+ and that should be good enough... then just consider what would make her happiest. If she likes jewelry that will be easy to spend. A really good gift would be a trip for the two of you to go on and it is like a gift for yourself too lol.

yea · #2 11-24-2007, 08:35 PM

i realize a lot of stuff on this thread looks pretty silly to a lot of people, but as someone who reads most of these types of threads as a lurker, i can honestly say some of this stuff has actually helped make my life better, so thanks to everyone who posts honest responses to these types of things.

anyway, here's my situation, its nothing really complex. there was a girl i had a monster crush on who i used to work with, but i was too lame/shy to make a move and nothing ever happened during the 3+ years i worked there and that was that. i had not seen this girl in 4 years but ran into her on thanksgiving eve, and im a bit cooler and know better how to talk with girls now, i ended up talking to her for about 3-4 hours and got her number at the end of the night (after she pretty much ignored a request to have a drink back at my place).

my plan from here was to make a monday call after im done with work and try and set up a wednesday/thursday dinner+drinks at a casual irish restaurant with live music. im totally stuck into something this weekend, so i cant really aim for that, and i know waiting till after the weekend is too long. is a monday call for a wed/thur thing pretty standard here? fwiw im 25 and she is 26.

Grue · #3 11-25-2007, 02:38 AM

wait you got her # wednesday night, haven't done anything until today (saturday), and are wondering if you should call her monday? Girls give you their # for a reason, so you can use it. At the very least text her like yesterday. And lol @ you trying to bang her after 3-4 hours of talking and no kissing. Most girls need at least 7 hours to get comfortable with a guy before sex. And FFS, kiss the girl when you leave her, its not hard: eye contact, "I had a really great time seeing you, we should do it again", step in, light kiss on the mouth. If she "rejects" you it wasn't going to happen anyways.

Henry17 · #4 11-25-2007, 09:12 AM

GF Gift: Depends on girl. Some girls will freak out if you outspend them by too much. If that is the case then I'd say $500-750 is good. If she is comfortable with her income and not going to freak out if you over spend then buy her whatever you think will make her happy.

I'm generally in the same situation but I haven't had time to think about x-mas yet. I do expect the ration to be about 20 times what she spends so your initial estimate was about right.

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Call her. You can use the excuse that it was the holidays for the delay.

adsman · #5 11-25-2007, 11:14 AM

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Most girls need at least 7 hours to get comfortable with a guy before sex.

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I thought it was 6.5?

Taylor Caby · #6 11-25-2007, 04:48 PM

re: girl. call her monday or tuesday. it's been like what, 4 days? you have no obligation to her, anyway. the longer you wait the better it will be for you.

tc

Taylor Caby · #7 11-25-2007, 04:51 PM

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wait you got her # wednesday night, haven't done anything until today (saturday), and are wondering if you should call her monday? Girls give you their # for a reason, so you can use it. At the very least text her like yesterday. And lol @ you trying to bang her after 3-4 hours of talking and no kissing. Most girls need at least 7 hours to get comfortable with a guy before sex. And FFS, kiss the girl when you leave her, its not hard: eye contact, "I had a really great time seeing you, we should do it again", step in, light kiss on the mouth. If she "rejects" you it wasn't going to happen anyways.

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not to be a jerk but i pretty much disagree with everything in this post. i think kissing her that night would be totally out of line, and i see nothing wrong with waiting till whenever the hell you feel like calling her to call her back.

tc

Grue · #8 11-25-2007, 05:11 PM

He talked to her for 3-4 hours, its essentially a first date, you kiss girls on the first date. Maybe not if he wasn't "feeling it" but there's no way it would be "totally out of line". Regardless you have to set the tone here, if you talk for 3-4 hours with no body contact or flirting or kissing she's going to see him as a friend. Be a man.

As far as the phone thing I've made the mistake of waiting too long several times before I figured that out. You have to call girls, and you have to call them 2-3 days after you give them your number. You haven't built up enough interest for them to be "waiting by the phone" so to speak, they will forget you, they will think that you're just playing games, they will think you're not interested and that you're (eventually) calling because you're bored, they will find someone else. Its a huge, huge error to wait 5 days to call a girl you're interested in but haven't gone out with yet.

JanelleBB7 · #9 11-25-2007, 05:17 PM

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and you have to call them 2-3 days after you give them your number. You haven't built up enough interest for them to be "waiting by the phone" so to speak, they will forget you,

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QFT - bad idea not to call within 2 - 3 days if you haven't established anything more than just a casual meeting. She will make other plans and quickly forget about you (unless there was some magical experience which it doesn't sound like it was to me).

yea · #10 11-25-2007, 05:49 PM

i didnt really see an oppurtunity for a kiss, i was drunker than she was and while i kept putting my hand on shoulder and getting closer to her that was pretty much the extent of the contact. we talked at the first bar with about 2 hours and she followed me and my friend to a second bar pretty late. i think im likely ok here.

well its a moot point now anyway but im going with the monday call and will post a TR if something interesting happens. i was away in atlantic city for the weekend, and i think calling with friends around and even calling on the weekend in general was weird. i figure if she likes me and i call on monday and am funny and do good on the call then it'll be fine and if not then whatever. open the call with how was your weekend, i was away for the weekend, and go from there.

is setting up a dinner at a casual place with live music/drinks on a weeknight a good call? if im going to be gone this weekend again is this pretty much the best option?