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Old 12-01-2007, 11:42 AM
katyseagull katyseagull is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 5,466
Default Re: Writing Competition: Discussion Thread

I just read Fantasies of Jessica Fazer. I am pleased to see that we have a newcomer to the Lounge! Well I'm excited by the variety of styles we have in our contest right now. You guys are awesome. - Damn, Crashwhips, that story is well written. Has everyone read the latest submission? I think you will enjoy it. If you haven't read it here is a hint of what you're missing

As I look at Jessica, her shiny, flowing black hair, her utterly perfect, angelic face, I'm not thinking of Mary. Jessica is wearing no bra and her full, perky breasts look ready to pop out in a low cut shirt that exposes plentiful cleavage and the top of her right nipple. She is wearing tight jeans that hug her shapely hips and luscious legs.

this part made me smile -

"Thanks." The six cans of liquid courage are taking their effect, and I feel perfectly natural as I say, "You're the most prettiest girl in the school. I really like you."

(I can relate. Get enough alcohol in me and I have no problem being embarrassingly forward too.)

This latest addition has something that I dig - a lot of dialogue. Zutroy is right, the dialogue is very natural and not over embellished. Nice job Crashwhips. Your writing succeeds in making the reader feel like she is there watching the scenes unfold. From the opening I was hooked and I felt like a voyeur. In fact I feel like you could have even gone into slightly more detail in the intimate scenes. Seriously. (I guess I wanted more [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img].) Anyone who reads this story will relate to the hero. He reminds me of several guys on this site.

Lol at "shee-it". hey you have to respect that. Crashwhips you are a good writer. Oh and I loved your last line, btw.
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Old 12-01-2007, 06:00 PM
Taso Taso is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 2,098
Default Re: Writing Competition: Discussion Thread

Just read It's Only a Game, written by Daffyduck.

Honestly, when I started it I felt slightly dissapointed that I was about to read a "sports" story - that changed completly as I went on.

It was extremly well told, if it were a movie I'd say it was perfectly edited, meaning, it could have been written all linearly, but the different segments made it awesome. As I read, I realized it was more a story of a man's dreams. By the end of it, once I knew how much was riding on that golf shot, I was as anxious as "he" was.

Very well written, good read.
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