Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student... - Page 4

ChromePony · #31 11-05-2007, 06:46 AM

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Italian,

Your post title should read, "Disadvantages of Dating a High Maintanence chick." The med thing really has nothing to do with your problems here. If it wasn't the med thing it would be something else. She is extremely high maintanence which basicly translates to a life of pain. Do you want a life of pain?

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Just want to reiterate this, I'm dating a girl in Med School and she is nothing like this. Yeah she's busy, but so am I, and it works out.

Med school might help to bring out some of these characteristics in her,but the problem definitely lies deeper and should not be addressed as a "Med School" issue.

AZK · #32 11-05-2007, 09:34 AM

Speaking from personal experience...It will only get worse. She will have no time for you. I have 10 close friends, 7 of which came into school dating. By the end of first year, only 2 remained. I would hardly call these relationships healthy. One was a 5 year long term, the other a short 1 year relationship. In both, there have been several rocky patches, and a few break up/get back together in under a week type situations. pathetic. You do not want this lifestyle. It's heartbreaking and depressing but when you choose to go into medicine, it's like a 2nd significant other. I can't say how 3rd/4th/residency is, but from everything I've heard, it doesn't get easier.

ItalianFX · #33 11-05-2007, 11:08 AM

Yeah, you guys are right. It all came crashing down when med school started because that is when the work started coming in. I started dating her again when she was working in a research lab. The problem was that she was living in a dump where her landlord, who was her roommate, was a bitch. It stressed her out so much that it was like the ONLY thing she talked about 24/7. Honestly, you couldn't go a day without her talking about how terrible it was for at least 20 minutes. When she'd go home, then her and her parents would talk about it for 30 minutes and I'd have to sit there thinking, "Come on, can't you talk about something better!?!?!?" I mean, it's like they reinforce their pessimistic negativity (is that a double negative?).

The thing that bothers me too is during her white coat ceremony, one of the doctors gave a speech and said something like, "it may not always be easy, but don't give up your relationships because they will be your biggest support." And that was what I was trying to be. I even mentioned it to her because if it came from another doctor, then it might as well have been from God himself. And I always said to her, "Nobody said it was going to be easy, but it doesn't have to be that hard."

The reason why she wants to be a doctor is because her dad was in a hanggliding accident several years ago and it screwed him up pretty badly. He has a lot of neurological problems, motor problems, and he has been in and out of the hospital. She has dealt with a few neurosurgeons and they always get the run around. She wants to go in and make the system better for her part.

She is high strung, most of the time, and high maintenance. She can be great most of the time, but it was like 1 week a month she would start questioning us and what she wanted and we'd argue constantly. She was always upset because I would never ask her to do anything and it was always her who made plans. Well, that was because I wanted to do what she wanted to do because it made me feel like she was happy doing what she wanted to do. And she said, "all I want is for you to ask me to do some things." So I worked on it. But I even said, "So I ask you to do some things and then it'll be something else that isn't right." It was a never ending cirle that you couldn't catch up with.

But like I said, when she could let loose and calm down and just be a best friend and girlfriend, she was the most amazing girl in the world and I knew that person was on the inside. I tried to get it out of her, but she wouldn't budge.

I can admit though that I knew that medical school was going to be hard on our relationship and I was afraid this was going to happen. I thought we could work through it and everything would be fine, but obviously it's not. I'm not sure what I wanted out of this, but I do know I just wanted to be with her and it didn't matter because I was content. I honestly was just happy knowing that she was mine and I was willing to go through hurdles to make it work. I have that flexibility to be able to bend over backwards for her and do what is right for her, but she was so ungrateful.

Rootabager · #34 11-05-2007, 11:27 AM

Do you think med school hurts relationships the other way( guys with their girlfriends)

I think girls will put up with more from guys in med school with the hope they will get to marry a doctor one day.

ItalianFX · #35 11-05-2007, 01:54 PM

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Do you think med school hurts relationships the other way( guys with their girlfriends)

I think girls will put up with more from guys in med school with the hope they will get to marry a doctor one day.

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Oh yes, that was one thing I wanted to mention in my post above that I had forgotten. I think girls will put up with it more because they feel like they will be taken care of. She has two friends, the guy is a 4th year med student, the girl is working in a research lab. They live together, but they are doing just fine. They also aren't high strung and bouncing off the walls either.

Her neighbor across the hall is a girl and she is originally from Ecuador. I can't remember where she lived at in the US, maybe like California or something. She is dating a guy, and last I heard they were doing just fine. They never see each other either, while my girl and I had the opportunity to see each other several times.

jackflashdrive · #36 11-05-2007, 02:11 PM

FWIW, it seems like you became a cop because you have a special desire to help people in need (as many do), rather than because you enjoy power and control. It's possible that you are attracted to high maintence / needy girls for this reason.

I've observed this kind of dynamic in a lot of guys, and the problem is that the pit of need is often bottomless, which means even your most herculean efforts will be perceived as coming up short (so you get the worst of both worlds -- emotionally drained for a thankless cause).

wadea · #37 11-05-2007, 03:20 PM

You sound like you have some serious self-respect or self-worth problems. Even though it feels like you want this chick - if you could view things more objectively, you'd realize that you don't want anything to do with her. Even staying friends will just bring more pain. End it for good.

ItalianFX · #38 11-05-2007, 03:32 PM

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You sound like you have some serious self-respect or self-worth problems. Even though it feels like you want this chick - if you could view things more objectively, you'd realize that you don't want anything to do with her. Even staying friends will just bring more pain. End it for good.

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I try to think objectively and that is when I feel that I'm better off. I think that is why I've been able to deal with it over the weekend. I also worked 28 hours straight and didn't have time to think about it. Now I have more free time that I'm back at school and it's just running through my mind constantly. Then I start thinking I want to get back together with her because it would take the hurt away.

I know just in the past 2 hours I've gone from caring to not caring about 10 times, knowing I'm probably better off, but wishing we were still together.

Mr. Philosophy · #39 11-05-2007, 03:34 PM

Where does she go to med school? Some med schools actually aren't that intense because the grading system they use is pass/fail. And while passing classes is hard in med school, there is a difference between having to obtain a C or an A. If she is actually going to one of these pass/fail schools then she should have a decent amount of free time.

ItalianFX · #40 11-05-2007, 03:44 PM

They get grades, but their grading system is that they go off the mean of the class for pass/fail and honors. Honors is 2 Std. Dev. above the mean, fail is 2 Std. Dev. below. I believe that is what it is. She likes to put everything into studying, although she gets behind.

She does have more free time than she thought she would, but she also thinks she needs to use as much time as possible to study. She goes running, biking, and swimming alot, which helps her to stay focused and sleep at night.