BBV Anonymous Confessions

[Emperor Norton]

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Short, but to the point

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I am 20 and I have never kissed a girl,smoked or drank alcohol/coffee.

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The only question is what a Mormon is doing posting in a poker forum.

[EddieRooo]

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You know how I know this one's real? It didn't involve a poker player

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This happened to a friend of mine, but it's a hilarious story that seems in the right mood, and since the whole thing is an anonymous exercise, who cares?

So J is in high school, where he is currently dating K, and has been for a couple of months. He's out on a date with her, having an early dinner, enjoying himself, and then is driving her back to her house. When he arrives back at her house, her mother is waiting for them and looks unhappy. Apparently, earlier in the day somebody had called to tell K that she had seen J having sex with another girl, S, at a party the previous night. Since K was out on the date, her little sister took the message. J sees the message when he gets to the house to drop his date off, because her mom is standing at the door holding a paper plate that says, written in sharpie, "K - J [censored] S last night." This is the entire message.

J is completely taken aback by this; of course he didn't do it. So, he says to pacify mom and date, "Okay, I'll tell you what. I have her number on my cell phone. I'll call her right now, and talk to her, and we'll straighten this all out." So, he calls up S, and his side of the conversation proceeds as follows: "Hey, S, how's it going? . . . Yes, it WAS some party last night. Actually, that's what I wanted to call you about. Apparently somebody told K that I had sex with you last night, and I thought you could tell them that we didn't . . . oh . . . wait, really? . . . man, I don't remember that at all. Um, okay, thanks." He then hangs up, stands around for a second or two, and then says "Well, I guess I'll be on my way." and just turns around and leaves.

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lmao

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That would be even sicker if he did remember and just called up for value

[EddieRooo]

Lol I think this is the best yet... like afraid to shag someone cause theyll get shot

[FilthyLarry]

the pictures i posted of "me" in the ssnl pics thread arent me, they're actually of my friend.

whew i feel so much better now

[supafrey]

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I was pretty cruel to animals for a while when I got back to the states as the kids there were pretty brutal to the stray animals, but thankfully that faded away fast, and I'd say I'm as good as they get towards pets. I wouldn't even mind working at a shelter. I'm just amazed at the kind of behavior I was capable of shortly after getting out of that jungle. Thats what poverty can do to people,....

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This is disgusting. I honestly don't understand how people like you exist.

Writing it off as something like "poverty = boredom = hurting animals" really shows how much responsibility you've taken for your behaviour. That's messed up.

[Stellastarr]

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Sometimes I wonder why they call them 'scholarships'

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Back in high school there was a guy who was an
incredible basketball player. He had an offer and was
going to be on scholarship at Georgia Tech, assuming
he graduated and had the required classes and stuff.
He was poor and very stupid. His grades were
always awful and he always did just enough to pass the
necessary classes to advance.

Anyway, my dad owned a
small deli that I would run by myself after school
from around 4-7 since all I did was make
salads/sandwiches/etc and do cash register. It was a
very chill place. So one day, I'm working and the restaurant was empty.
Then a guy with a black sweatsuit, pantyhose, and
skimask runs in, takes out a gun and says "clean out
the cash register, [insert my name]." Well I
immediately recognized it as mr. basketball from
school by his size and voice and decided to just play
along and not get shot and pretend to not know who he
was. I put all the bills (about $160 worth) into a
large salad bowl and handed it to him. He then SHOT
ONE OF OUR REFRIGERATORS ON ACCIDENT on his way out,
which ended up costing us much more than his pathetic
robbery.

Well the police were really never able to do anything
about it. This was around May of mine and his senior
year. Anyway, a couple weeks later before exams, I
made a plan to [censored] up his algebra final. I was the
teacher's assistant for 7th period algebra1. Mr
basketball had this class 1st period. Since I was the
assistant, the teacher and I had talked about most of
his students, including how mr. basketball needed this
class as his 3rd math credit to graduate and needed at
least a 65 on his final. so on the last day of exams,
the regular teacher was absent that day and the
librarian was subbing, which basically gave me free
reign. I was to get all the exams taken the last few
days and put them in a folder in the regular teacher's
mailbox in the main office.

Anyway, I fished out mr. basketball's test and screwed
up most of his answers (it was multiple choice, so
very easy) and returned it to the folder of completed
tests.

Long story short, he ended up getting like a 35 and
failing that semester. there were no math summer
school classes and mr. basketball had to stay in high
school another year, taking the minimum of 4 classes.
He lost his scholarship agreement with Georgia Tech
and ended up going to a junior college and dropping
out after getting injured. It's been 6 years since
that and he's still living with his grandmother and
now works at Hardee's (fast food place.) I hope he
gets held up at the drive-thru. He never had any clue
that I [censored] up his test or that I knew he had me at
gunpoint.

Cliff Notes: An extremely talented dumb ass basketball
player with a promising scholarship at Georgia Tech
held up my dad's store at gunpoint while I was
working, so I changed a lot of answers on his algrebra
final and made him fail this extremely important
test/class and lose his scholarship. as a result, he
continued to fail at life afterwards and is now ~24
and lives with his grandmother and is very poor and
works at Hardees.

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Wow, awesome.

[Stellastarr]

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I hope this one's fake, tbqh

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Back in the final years of high school, I had been dating this one girl for over 2 years (and still am). One day, I was extremely horny and wanted to get it on. Girlfriend says she is on her period. I ask her to give me head. She refuses. I ask her what the hell she is good for and leave. I felt bad, but I was really really horny. Being very lazy, I decide NOT to masturbate, instead finding the sluttiest and dirtiest girl of the school. Afraid of getting aids by putting it in her pink, and herpes from head, I put it in her stink.

I come back to my place half an hour later and find girlfriend still there crying. She says she's sorry, still crying, and pulls down my pants and starts to give me head. I say nothing, even though I had yet to wash my penis. She is still my girlfriend, we don't have the refusal problem anymore, but I've been hesitant to kiss her from that day on.

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Wrong on so many lvls....

[private joker]

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This would probably be funnier in the alternate universe where the old lady sprouts tentacles and comes after the OP

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When I was about 17, a buddy and I where driving home in my car. We came to an intersection that had a stop sign and a 1 way street that you could only turn left. The street was usually busy, with three lanes of traffic. This intersection was at the top of a hill so you had to watch carfully before making your left as cars could suddenly appear of the crest of the hill with out warning.
Anyways we pulled up to this interesection behind a gray haired lady driving a land yaught, to my suprise she was over at the right with her right hand turning light on. I looked at her eyes in her review mirror and saw she was looking back my way.
I decided I wanted to see her pull into on coming traffic for my entertainment, so thanks to some quick thinking, I pulled to the right behind her and put my right turn signal on too.
I then clicked it off as she started making her turn, heading the wrong way down the busy one way street.
Just as her nose was half way across the first lane a car came speeding over the hill, my buddy and I both had that reflex that makes you lift your knees towards your stomach when your about to see something horrifing. The car locked up its breaks and she lifted her hands in horror as it came to a screeching halt a few inches from her driver side door. More traffic came over the hill and stopped, horns where honking. I quietly made my left turn and laughed the entire way home.

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I have a logical problem with this story. If she was turning right -- onto a one-way street where traffic was only going left, then traffic was coming from the right-hand side -- which, in the United States, is the passenger-side door. Not the driver's side, as indicated in the confession. There's no way the other car could have come to a "screeching halt a few inches from her driver side door" unless he was going the wrong way too.

[Stellastarr]

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Oh come on, this has to be anonymous?

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I was a Junior in hs and had been dating a girl for 4 months. At this time she was supposedly a devoted Christian. No sexaments. Summer comes around and she decides to visit her grandparents in Canada for three weeks. After the second day back she breaks down and tells me she had sex with a guy. WTF. Oh noes. She lost her virginity to someone else and I'm her bf!
At this point I realize I have to get her back. Haha. I'll tell my friends and ask what their ideas are.
Friend: Wait. Did she ever end up giving it up to you?
Me: Um....
Friend: Wait she didnt even lose her viginity to you!
Me: Uhh...
Friend: Bwahahahaha.
Me: Oh God. Please kill me.
K thx.

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I see why this guy wants to be anonymous, though

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I have a [censored] load,some or maybe even all of them suck ass, but oh well. You can choose to post
whichever ones, if any at all.

Lets see, where to start...

When I was a kid I used to sneak into my brothers room when he was at work and watch his pornos on
VHS and bang out some knuckle children on his bed.
I would make sure to memorize to a tee where the vid started and when I was done with my session I
would rewind back to the original spot.

I use to also sneak into his room, steal his weed and replace it with oregano, numerous times a
week. One time he bought a large quantity and it was like mother [censored] christmas! I even stole
some and would sell it to my friends.


Back around '96,'97 I had friend who I hung out with who had a pretty hot girlfriend, but for some
reason he loved banging fat chicks. We would go out to clubs and he would just hit on fat whores.
Now mind you I've been known to go harpooning once or a dozen times myself, but if I had a gf as
hot as his was,I wouldn't even think about any other skanks. Anyways he finds this one corpulent
cow that he wants to hook up with at the club. He gets her number and what not and asks me if I
want to go with him cuz she has a roommate (who by the way is an obese butterball as well). Both
those chicks are pigs, both literally and sexually. So we go there on a friday night, they had just
got back from the bar and were trashed. So we walk in and see the one porker my friend is going
to hook up with but the other one that i'm supposed to hook with is no where to be seen. So her fat
friend is sitting there giggling like the chunky little troll she is, when we hear a noise coming
from th
e bedroom. I'm like "wtf". She goes into the room and I here laughing and whispering and 10
minutes later I see some drunk ass dude stumbling out of the bedroom with the missing roommate
behind, pushing him along and trying to kick him out as if it wasn't planned for him to be there [censored]
her fat, greasy ass. So this [censored] beached Orca whale is now thinking i'm going to [censored] her
after she's [censored] some dude in the bedroom as I walk in their house! LMFAO! So she plants her
gigantic frame on the couch and basically falls asleep while my friend is getting a hand job by jabba
the [censored] on the other couch next to me. Thankfully they went to the bedroom to finish, while miss
piggy lie snoring on the couch and me watching late night infomercials.


The first time I had sex was a nightmare. I was 18, she was a 27 year old dead head hippie chick
who lived above my friend. Not the the hottest chick but she had big old titties and I was eager
to get laid. So we get all drunk one night and end up playing strip dice (we didn't have cards) So
eventually I end up in her room we are messing around and I really don't know how to proceed so I
think to myself "well in the pornos the guy always eats the chicks puss out before they bang so I
should do that"

Bad idea.

I start to go down south and near her hatchet wound when i see a giant afro and worse yet, this
stench starts to hit me. I mean it smells like the old 59 cent soft tacos from Taco Bell.
Basically it reeks of hot garbage. I'm like, "well i gotta do what i gotta do I guess" when she stops me
(thankfully) from chowing down on her gash. She flat out tells me, "You can't, I haven't showered
yet today". Okay so now i'm really freaked out,all i wanna do is end my virginity and blow my
load.

I try my best to ignore what just happened but I can't even cum i'm so freaked and grossed out.
Basically i don't end up blowing my load, and just like a mutual aggreement that we end for the
night. She's like, "oh i came what a beautiful thing" Those were her exact words but I think she was
full of [censored] cuz i was really grossed out by the whole sewer snatch thing. Anyways I wake up the
next morning and start walking home, I don't even notice anything till i get out side and see
blood on my fingers. I'm like "wtf how did I cut my self" It's all over my hands and they smell awful.
Then i look down and notice blood on my t-shirt, I'm like "god damn i must of really been drunk i
didn't even feel myself get cut last night"
I get home and start to clean my self up and change when I look down and see it- blood,
everywhere, all over my [censored] and balls, everywhere. I'm really bugging out thinking I cut my dick somehow
but then i realize that this dirty whore had her period all over me while i was [censored] and that's
why she didn't let me eat her [censored]. I swear my finger stunk like period scum for a week. I dont'
know why but i gotta a bunch of nasty pussy eating stories, another time I ate out some spanish
stripper whore (who was also a prostiute) while getting a lapdance at a strip joint.

Anyways, maybe these sucks balls but i'm bored today. I know of more [censored] but this is getting
entirely too long.

Be safe and beware of stinky pussy and fat whores.

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HAHAHA

[Stellastarr]

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This thread is brilliant.
Nice one adanthar

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Keep it going!