How can I learn how to handle losing better?

[hammerva]

I figure this is the right section to put this. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

I have many things wrong with my game but there is one that I don't know how to deal with. And that is handling losing. I understand that poker is alot about variance and streaks but I still have the belief that I finish a day of poker with a net loss then it is because I am a terrible player. This is definitely felt the most in limit play. If I start badly or get sucked out once or twice, I really get hard on myself and believe that the reason why I lose is because I am a stupid player. I seem to say alot when I play online "I deserved to lose" because I do something stupid during the session or tournament and just carry it over.

I guess that is one of the things about poker that is tough. The true definition of a good poker player or a bad poker player. I mean for 3 months I turned $75 deposit to around $500. So I am thinking that maybe I am becoming a good player after about a year of play. Then this month I drop back to $175. So now I think I stink at poker and all that success was just dumb luck.

[moded]

get used to it. Your goal is to make good decisions so play with money you don't need. Winning or losing wont matter as much if you focus on your decision making.

[calc]

I think the more important question is how do you identify whether your losses are due to bad luck/variance or bad play on your part. It doesn't sound like you know how to tell the difference.

Its also possible you are playing above your bankroll. A lot of players are good at moving up in limits as they win, but not so skilled at moving down in limits as they lose.

Once you get these two issues resolved your losses will be easy to deal with.

[bernie]

Learn more about the game.

Learn why you won't in every session.

Learn how to analyze a hand.

Learn that sometimes you are doomed to lose a hand no matter what you did. Extend that to losing sessions.(granted, if you're playing well. Honesty is key there)

Learn why you should like people putting bad beats on you. (Also realize those beats aren't personal)

Learn why winning pots is irrelevent to winning poker.

Once you understand those, the bad feelings won't be near as strong and will take much longer to take it's toll.

[ QUOTE ]
So now I think I stink at poker and all that success was just dumb luck.

[/ QUOTE ]

It might've been. Study the game and find out if it was.

b

[Poker Plan]

[ QUOTE ]
Learn more about the game.

Learn why you won't in every session.

Learn how to analyze a hand.

Learn that sometimes you are doomed to lose a hand no matter what you did. Extend that to losing sessions.(granted, if you're playing well. Honesty is key there)

Learn why you should like people putting bad beats on you. (Also realize those beats aren't personal)

Learn why winning pots is irrelevent to winning poker.

Once you understand those, the bad feelings won't be near as strong and will take much longer to take it's toll.

[ QUOTE ]
So now I think I stink at poker and all that success was just dumb luck.

[/ QUOTE ]

It might've been. Study the game and find out if it was.

b

[/ QUOTE ]

Once again, VERY wise words.

Ian

[ZenMusician]

While I like bernie's answer a lot, we all need
to remember something:

Unless your income is solely or largely derived
from poker, it would be helpful to reduce poker
to what it is...a game.

I am super-competitive (just try and beat me at
Connect Four), but there has to be some mental
"switch" that allows you to turn off the aggro part
of you out of battle.

Watch boxers or MMA fighters beat the living hell
out of each other...and then embrace afterward!

It's important to you. It's a journey of knowledge and
experience. It's a way to make money via a hobby.

But it is...a game

GL

-ZEN

[neverforgetlol]

i have this problem too. i just don't like losing money (duh). then i get people in chat who say "ty" win they suckout on me and it drives me over the edge.

[notreallymyname]

Becoming depressed from your own bad play isn't going to improve it either. Certainly you should try to determine whether you played the hands correctly or not for your ongoing development, but the emotional response is going to make matters worse either way.

I've not been playing long nor unusually successfully so my opinion may not be worth but, but I found that originally when I started losing, I usually continued losing until I stopped playing, got lucky or ended up on tilt. What helped me is a thought that I haven't seen anywhere: that poker should be treated momentarily in most respects. Now if I lose 100 BB (blinds, I play NL) in a session, I treat it as bygones and always keep my focus on my total bankroll when making decisions and can continue to win back 150 BB. Letting your past losses/wins, hands, cards and opponents affect your play other than through analysis of them cannot be beneficial.

[Bill King]

you're not handling losing well b/c you dont understand losing in its entirety.

losing is both mathematically going to happen, and the interaction of two imperfect people are going to affect the equation of inevitable loss and sway it one way or another.

all you can do is try to play your best.. realize that you do not play perfect poker, because it is not entirely reliant on you, or even the cards.. its a combination of interactions.. yes, math eventually outweighs the both of them.. but it also does not have a brain.

say, for instance, you go into every hand an 80% favorite.. who's to say when that 20% will come?

say for instance you play 1million hands in your poker career. who's to say that those initial 200k hands that you play will not all be losing ones?

"poker isnt just two hands compared to one another, and the better one winning. it is a game of personalities. if you dont know yourself better than anyone else, you will be at a disadvantage"-great quote.. makes you think.

[sweetjazz]

I think this is a good question, and it something I have struggled with, especially during bad downswings, which it sounds like you are experiencing.

I can tell you how I have best handled it so far. And that is when I focus during an entire session on playing my best every hand. After each hand, I review it in my head to figure out if I played it well or whether I missed a clue in the betting patterns or the board texture that would have led me to play the hand differently. I distinguish between those big pots I lose where there was nothing I could and those where I made a mistake which compounded my bad luck.

If I realize I made a mistake, I do not beat myself up over it. I make a mental note of it and if I am unsure exactly what I should have done it, I will post it on 2+2 after my session. But I don't harp on the mistake, and instead focus on trying to play the next hand correct.

When I am focused like this, I often play my best. I concentrate on getting good reads and so I have more information to make good decisions. Often this reinforces itself.

I can lose many BBs and still be perfectly happy knowing I am playing as well as I can. My main struggle now is that I often want to finish the session up if at all possible (if I run really horrible there is a point where I just give up and book the loss) and extend my session to do this, despite its artificiality. Often this is harmless and leads to me logging more hands when I am playing well. Unfortunately, the combination of running bad and playing for a long period of time tends to slowly drain my focus and I can easily see my play deteriorate.

I think our brains are not wired to handle losing well. It can take a lot of work and discipline to stop our emotions from dictating our actions. But it is necessary to be able to consistently make rational decisions at the table. It's not enough to know that the streaks of bad luck in poker exist in an abstract sense. We must internalize this to the point of not letting the bad streaks affect our judgment, which is our natural emotional reaction.

I think our ability is to some extent predetermined by genetic factors. However, the best method available for improvement in this area is to try to make yourself conscious of it as frequently as possible. The more you think about how disasterous the consequences are of tilting when you are losing, the more likely your brain will be able to resist the urge.

Everybody has their breaking point. The goal is to keep pushing that breaking point to a further and further extreme, so that we are less and less likely to encounter it.