Why are turnoffs turnoffs (women)

[Rock-thedog]

Hey, thanks for the replies (well most). Re my confidence and self image, yeah those of you who pointed out I could be overestimating, maybe sure, and? Ok I take your point that it could explain the rejection, but I think in this case I highly doubt it was looks (actually she was a lot more into me at the start than I her), and its not intelligence because she was always dropping compliments on that. I just have this habit of trying too hard/being too animated talking with girls I particularly like (ie as per DCJ "putting on a show"), when its not really me, when im with my mates I tend to be more chilled out and less animated.

I do appreciate your post Blarg, and have read it several times. You're right of course, its just difficult to think on a purely conscious level sometimes. Maybe going into all future endevours with this attitide (in an active way) could help me.

This is kinda interesting but really I was more interested in, on an academic level, working out why attidue (over physical/other mental attirubtes) is so important in the whole evolution thing. I was thinking on a more 'generic' level as opposed to my situation. I guess I think the easy blanket answer 'women cant think logically' is partially true but irrelevant to the question because evolution isnt a logical process to its participants. There must be definitive survival advantages to being confident/not interested but im not sure what they could be.

On the other hand maybe there is no acute advantage at all, but it provide strong evidence for the existance of other (more real) advantages which are often 'faked' by males, and as per snowball's post, the best way to signpost their real existance is through the unfakeable lack of interest, which has credibility.

[guids]

[ QUOTE ]
Hey, thanks for the replies (well most). Re my confidence and self image, yeah those of you who pointed out I could be overestimating, maybe sure, and? Ok I take your point that it could explain the rejection, but I think in this case I highly doubt it was looks (actually she was a lot more into me at the start than I her), and its not intelligence because she was always dropping compliments on that. I just have this habit of trying too hard/being too animated talking with girls I particularly like (ie as per DCJ "putting on a show"), when its not really me, when im with my mates I tend to be more chilled out and less animated.

I do appreciate your post Blarg, and have read it several times. You're right of course, its just difficult to think on a purely conscious level sometimes. Maybe going into all future endevours with this attitide (in an active way) could help me.

This is kinda interesting but really I was more interested in, on an academic level, working out why attidue (over physical/other mental attirubtes) is so important in the whole evolution thing. I was thinking on a more 'generic' level as opposed to my situation. I guess I think the easy blanket answer 'women cant think logically' is partially true but irrelevant to the question because evolution isnt a logical process to its participants. There must be definitive survival advantages to being confident/not interested but im not sure what they could be.

On the other hand maybe there is no acute advantage at all, but it provide strong evidence for the existance of other (more real) advantages which are often 'faked' by males, and as per snowball's post, the best way to signpost their real existance is through the unfakeable lack of interest, which has credibility.

[/ QUOTE ]



ok, so your question is..how do I become charismatic?...here is one suggestion, chill out, and dont try to look at everything scientifically and def dont act like that in front of girls.

[man]

if you think you have it rough, just remember that you have the advantage in that you are able to pick the girls you want to pursue, whereas the majority of girls have to wait for guys to approach them lest they appear to be slutes! as men we retain the upper hand in selecting mates. which really isnt' fair of course. but [censored] 'EM, they deserve it for being able to so handily reject us! slutes.

(I wish the filter was caps sensitive?)

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
ok, so your question is..how do I become charismatic?...here is one suggestion, chill out, and dont try to look at everything scientifically and def dont act like that in front of girls.

[/ QUOTE ]

Along those lines, I'd add that your first duty to yourself and a girl you're starting to date, especially on the first date, is to have fun. Make her comfortable and see if you can do things that raise her energy level and make her feel like seeing you after a day at work really adds to the day. It doesn't have to be anything spectacular, at least if it's anywhere near the right kind of girl for you. The rest doesn't matter much and won't be nearly as memorable and likely to get you another date.

Besides, all that drama and deepness stuff will develop naturally from just being around each other. You'll talk, you know? Be human beings and all that. It won't take much brainwork to get there. You'll start to figure each other out soon enough.

But the medium you're going to want to do that through is enjoying being around each other. Having some fun. Not through the medium of establishing an appreciation for your vast intellect or earnest goodness. If she wanted primarily mental stimulation that evening, she could go to the library and probably get better than you're going to give her, anyway, and it would be about subjects of her own choosing every time. Similarly, many people may like a well-developed moral sense, but if they wanted to be in church at the moment instead of on a date, that's where they'd be. There's plenty of time for all the deep stuff later and as a natural outgrowth of just being together. Don't rush to dunk her head in it till she's gasping for air. Relax, have fun, and remember to leave room for her to have her own ideas, and talk about them at her own pace, too, rather than completely subsuming her world into yours before she even knows if she wants to be there or has much in common with you or finds you all that interesting.

Make sure things take their natural pace. If a girl sees you doing that, she will enjoy it, feel relaxed and relieved of a lot of pressure and potential doubt, and begin to trust and like you more automatically, whether you're her type or not. But that will help steer you solidly toward being much more her type. That has its natural limits, which shouldn't bother you no matter how things turn out. You can't blame people for what they like, and there's no point wanting anything for them but their own happiness, whether it's with you or not. If you do turn out to be someone she develops an interest in, letting things develop naturally means she may well find her self wanting more of you -- more depth, more time, more affection or physical stuff -- rather than feeling like she has to fend you off. Or vice-versa -- one of you won't so much feel like they have to drag a response out of the other. Keep a certain excitement in the air by not pushing too much and trying for the home run with every swing, and there will be a natural momentum toward each other just because you're a man and a woman and like being around each other. Then it's just a matter of paying attention, enjoying yourself and her, and picking your moments. Don't worry, she'll be more than happy to let you know.

[guids]

Be human beings and all that. It won't take much brainwork to get there. You'll start to figure each other out soon enough.


correction, it takes NO brainwork to get there. a lot of you goofballs would be better off turning of your brain completely when trying to hook up with a chick, or when dealing with relationships.

[balkii]

[ QUOTE ]
--------------NEWS FLASH---------------------

WOMEN ARE INCAPABLE OF RATIONAL THOUGHT AND LOGICAL DEDUCTION

[/ QUOTE ]

coming from a guy who hasn't spoken to a member of the opposite sex in what, 5 years?, this is remarkably accurate. you have an impressive memory.