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#1
06-25-2007, 04:32 PM
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Interested in Girl at Work
Background: I work at mid-sized law firm in a big city. One of our summer associates is pretty cute and 24. I am 30 and have been at the firm under a year full time. I broke up with my girlfriend of 3.5 years about two months ago. She knows this. The summer associate has been here about 5 weeks now.
I thought there was a good vibe at the beginning, but last week there was a little less of that vibe. The first week about 10 of us went out for drinks and I liked her vibe. She has a similar sense of humor, likes sports, plays rec sports and told me she would be interested in playing softball on a co-ed team I sometimes sub for. We went out for drinks, again as a firm, the next week and she and I were the last two at the bar. She had come up to me about 2 hours before we left and asked if we could share a cab home. Her place is on the way to my place but still about 2.5 miles away. Nothing happened for a few reasons, most importantly, I didn't want to make a move and F her possible career by being the summer associate that hooked up with an associate. The next day I got accused of hooking up with her by two of the partners. They were more concerned out of jealousy/living vicariously than any type of trouble I would get in, but I still didn't want any focus on the issue. The next week I organized a small happy-hour type thing, she went as well as the other 2 summers. At the end of the evening she went to dinner with some guy, who couldn't meet us because he wasn't drinking because he was studying for the bar exam (lame). We've generally had good banter, but I'm trying not to come on to strong because I don't have a good read on her interest level or if she has a boyfriend. I've concluded that she is at least dating this guy she went to dinner with a few weeks ago because she referred to him by name today at lunch to one of the other summer associates meaning he is a person of at least some significance. She has never mentioned she has a boyfriend to me and has made other comments indicating that she is not in a serious relationship. Here is what I need OOT's help on: 1) Should I proceed as if she is dating some guy or does it matter? 2) Should I just lay low until the summer is over to avoid scrutiny from co-workers? 3) If I go forward with this, how should I go about getting some out of work time? There has been talk about her subbing on this softball team, but it didn't pan out the first few times. This would be a no pressure situation, but might also be relatively transparent if we schedule it again and it falls through. 4) How do I continue to flirt with her at work without making it obvious to everyone else what I am doing? Cliff Notes: Hot girl at work. Trying to make it happen, but don't want too much scrutiny from other co-workers and don't want to drop the ball if I conceivable have to work with this person for a while and not sure about the boyfriend factor. No pics because I don't have any, and, even if I did, this would be really bad if someone recognized her. 
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#4
06-25-2007, 04:50 PM
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Re: Interested in Girl at Work
[ QUOTE ]
1) Should I proceed as if she is dating some guy or does it matter? [/ QUOTE ] Uhhh, seriously? Ummm, she *may* be *sorta* dating this lame guy and you think it might affect what you should do? Also, using the excuse that you don't drink to not go to a bar is the WORST EXCUSE ever. Can't ppl man up and just say "I hate all of you and suck at life" instead? As for your actual situation....you should really keep all at work flirting light and non-physical. Basically use it to setup drinks or whatnot. The best thing probably to do is organize another get together with not many people...and switch venues or stay until it's just you and her. Then you will naturally be one-on-one and you will feel perfectly comfortable mentioning how you like her vibe and want to see her move. And/or want to show her a cool thing back at your place or her place or whatever. Yugoslav PS Obv you should go for it...just don't be a huge idiot.
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#5
06-25-2007, 04:53 PM
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Re: Interested in Girl at Work
[ QUOTE ]
hhh, seriously? Ummm, she *may* be *sorta* dating this lame guy and you think it might affect what you should do? [/ QUOTE ] Agreed. I think I just wanted confirmation. I have not flat out asked her if she has a boyfriend, so I guess my only concern was whether I should even bring it up at any point or just assume it's fair game.
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#6
06-25-2007, 05:09 PM
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Re: Interested in Girl at Work
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] 1) Should I proceed as if she is dating some guy or does it matter? [/ QUOTE ] Uhhh, seriously? Ummm, she *may* be *sorta* dating this lame guy and you think it might affect what you should do? Also, using the excuse that you don't drink to not go to a bar is the WORST EXCUSE ever. Can't ppl man up and just say "I hate all of you and suck at life" instead? As for your actual situation....you should really keep all at work flirting light and non-physical. Basically use it to setup drinks or whatnot. The best thing probably to do is organize another get together with not many people...and switch venues or stay until it's just you and her. Then you will naturally be one-on-one and you will feel perfectly comfortable mentioning how you like her vibe and want to see her move. And/or want to show her a cool thing back at your place or her place or whatever. Yugoslav PS Obv you should go for it...just don't be a huge idiot. [/ QUOTE ] The guy is not drinking, bc he is studying for the bar. OP, it seems like a precarious situatiion bc a summer associate job is like interviewing for a postion in your firm. Obviously, it would be much different if you were a partner, but there is still bound to be some sort of awkwardness and boundary issues. I would be careful could be a drama-filled summer.
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#7
06-25-2007, 05:14 PM
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Re: Interested in Girl at Work
[ QUOTE ]
The guy is not drinking, bc he is studying for the bar. [/ QUOTE ] This stance was taken at the beginning of June. The bar is the end of July. I respect his decision to focus on the bar, but it is a Friday night and he has another 7 weeks to study for the exam.
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#9
06-25-2007, 05:27 PM
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Re: Interested in Girl at Work
I am a lawyer and I never studied for any exam, school or Bar until the night before, so the studying for the Bar excuse is clearly BS. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] Given the situation (she is summer, you are a new associate), I would leave making any moves until the end of summer - keep it light, but if anything is to happen, let it be on her initiative. You can F*** up your career too if something goes sideways. One question, is she going to school in the same city or will she leave at the end of summer? Does she figure to be back at your firm after the next school year?
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