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#51
11-18-2007, 02:12 AM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
[ QUOTE ]
Need more parents to post in this so they convince all you idiots that kids are likely the most rewarding part of your life. [/ QUOTE ] Well, there's a well-reasoned argument. I better go procreate immediataely! Edit to add: I also see no reason to have children of my own when there are children in orphanages that need a loving home. I think it would be easier to convince me to adopt than to convince me to sire my own children. 
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#52
11-18-2007, 02:17 AM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
I have twin boys coming in February and I am terrified. I am not really into kids per se. Just hoping that 'bonding' kicks in hard.
The one thing I have seen is that there does seem to be something 'missing' in people who never have had kids. Not sure if societal pressure just catches up, but I haven't seen many childless couples who have had a blast in life because they could whatever they want. I am also looking at getting away from 'I' am everything and being able to view the world through someone else's eyes.
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#53
11-18-2007, 02:20 AM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
and a SLF is???
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#54
11-18-2007, 05:57 AM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
[ QUOTE ]
Need more parents to post in this so they convince all you idiots that kids are likely the most rewarding part of your life. [/ QUOTE ] If they are going to do that then they need to actually name specifics of how having children has improved their lives. Most of the time it is just abstract and meaningless statements like having children is "amazing" or having children was the best thing I ever did. They never explain how or why children improved their life only that they did. The negatives of having children are pretty easy to list so why are the benefits such abstract concepts?
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#55
11-18-2007, 06:09 AM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] Need more parents to post in this so they convince all you idiots that kids are likely the most rewarding part of your life. [/ QUOTE ] If they are going to do that then they need to actually name specifics of how having children has improved their lives. Most of the time it is just abstract and meaningless statements like having children is "amazing" or having children was the best thing I ever did. They never explain how or why children improved their life only that they did. The negatives of having children are pretty easy to list so why are the benefits such abstract concepts? [/ QUOTE ] You can list reasons from several different angles of why I should not eat bacon, and I may even agree with some of them in principle. But I still do it, because it causes me pleasure.
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#56
11-18-2007, 06:21 AM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
But the reason bacon causes you pleasure is easy to figure out. It tastes good.
Around x-mas I always seem to catch this horrible Nicholas Cage movie where some x-mas angel gives him a look at what his life could have been. I get the point of the movie but I still think the Cage character is wrong. His current life is a million times better than his missed life.
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#58
11-18-2007, 07:19 AM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
[ QUOTE ]
I was giving it some serious thought recently after a pregnancy scare with my SLF. I have only been around a baby for a total of 10-15 hours my entire life. I think that they are cute, but I am not capable of playing or talking to them. Making baby noises seems to come naturally to most people, but I could never do it. I don't find little kids very interesting and I can't see myself being one of those parents who decides to stop living their own life to dedicate it to Disney cartoons and diaper cleaning because "Isn't the baby so perfect and special!" I think human beings have a responsibility to pursue intellectual outlets and raising a child is pretty much the opposite. "Dad you only care about running your billion dollar corporation, not my third grade science project!" However, I know that having children is important to my SLF, so I feel obligated to comply in the future. The times I was around kids, I pretty much had to fake liking them and being interested in them to make their parents feel good. It would kind of suck if I had to fake liking my own child, so hopefully its different. Now that I think about, my father never seemed very interested in me. So maybe that is why I feel a lack of paternal instincts. I am curious if anyone felt similarly and how it turned out after you had children? Many of you are going to say that I shouldn't have children, but that doesn't seem realistic. You make commitments to people and sometimes you have to suck it up and do stuff you don't want to do. [/ QUOTE ] I don't think there is anything wrong with not having kids. If that is how you feel, so be it. The only thing I would advise is to keep an open mind so that you can allow change to happen more easily. Having rigid, inflexible, perma-fixed beliefs about anything inhibits growth and reduces your ability to evovlve.
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#59
11-18-2007, 09:03 AM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
[ QUOTE ]
If they are going to do that then they need to actually name specifics of how having children has improved their lives. Most of the time it is just abstract and meaningless statements like having children is "amazing" or having children was the best thing I ever did. They never explain how or why children improved their life only that they did. The negatives of having children are pretty easy to list so why are the benefits such abstract concepts? [/ QUOTE ] Just don't have children, and don't worry about it. You're mature enough to realize you don't want them and that is great. I would never wish children on someone who wasn't committed to them. However, asking for tangible benefits of having children shows a fundamental lack of understanding when it comes to having kids. What do you want people to say? That we get small tax breaks? I'm sure you are not looking for the times your 1 year old brings you a book and plops down on your lap waiting for you to read. Or when you go to daycare and your child races across the room with a big smile on his face to give you a giant hug. The main benefit from having kids is in the abstract: feelings of overpowering love, fulfillment, and joy. Again I'm not here to harp on people who don't want to have kids. I applaud it, actually. I have many friends who don't want to have kids, or who never have, and are quite happy. There is no right or wrong answer here.
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#60
11-18-2007, 09:29 AM
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Re: Do you want to have children?
[ QUOTE ]
There is no right or wrong answer here. [/ QUOTE ] While I agree with this I don't believe most people see it that way. There seems to be a strong societal consensus that choosing to not have children is the wrong answer. I'm a competent adult with an extensive education and a track record of making good decisions in life. Yet the general response on the no children position is that I'm either going to change my mind (when I see the light) or that I'm going to regret my decision (supposedly because it was the incorrect decision as people rarely regret correct choices). It is an interesting phenomenon as I can't really think of any other reasonable life choice where disagreement with the social norm is considered a sign of defective agency. That makes me suspicious of the motivations. I dated a girl with a child once. I'd never do that again. That is as close as you can get to test driving parenthood without being committed for life and I hated it.
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