Being there for the Birth.

[adsman]

I considered posting this in OOT, but I think that it would mostly generate a bunch of adolescent rubbish responses, and a good deal of the posters there are too young to have thought about this subject or have been affected by it.

The subject is being present for the birth of your child. Now, quite frankly, nobody is ever going to get me in that room. That's been my position from day one and I'm sticking with it. I can't imagine anything worse than going through that. The friends I have that have done it always say that it was the best experience of their lives, but you can see the high levels of trauma behind their eyes.

A few have admitted to me that it has effected their sex life. They can't get the image out of their heads of a raw and bloody childbirth. They won't admit this to their significant others, and they will deny ever having said it, but it is there.

It seems that dragging the man in to attend the birth became fashionable around 15-20 years ago, right around the time that political correctness and SNAG's and what-not began to appear. Before that we just sat it out at the pub with our mates. Now I'm not saying that the pub angle is the way to go, (although it has its attractions,) but I'm not hip with being in the room while all hell breaks loose down there.

And the primary reason is that the woman has natural ways to deal with it. She gets a huge natural endorphin or something or other release that gets her through the event. I mean, if girls didn't get that and remembered every excruciating detail, they sure wouldn't want to go back and do it again, would they? But we don't get any natural chemical release to get us through it. Nope, we've got to stand there like a stoic, holding her hand while she screams through the roof. Doesn't sound like I'd forget that in a hurry.

So, any of you who've been through the experience, what did you really think? Was it the greatest moment of your life as I hear brandied about, or do you still break into a cold sweat at just the thought of it? And what about you swinging eligible bachelors here on the El D forum? Are you willing to go through with that? Do you want to? Or would you only do it because you were pressured into it?

[edfurlong]

I'd like to think that I would be in there in an instant. It's kinda the ultimate being there when she needs you situation. I can't really wrap my mind around the whole having kids thing, but I can see beating myself up over missing something like this.

[MTUCache]

Definitely going to be in there in June, when my first child is born.

I never took quite as hard a stance as you did before she got pregnant, but I certainly wasn't looking forward to being in there.

Now, after knowing that my son is coming, and seeing/feeling his movements already, watching him react to my voice, etc.... I can't wait to be in there.

Will it suck in some ways? Sure... there's not a whole lot that's pretty about it, but that's not what it's about. It's not about how I'm going to see my wife sexually in the future, it's about being there at the birth of my son, the start of my family.

Honestly, I can't imagine not being there.

[StevieG]

[ QUOTE ]

So, any of you who've been through the experience, what did you really think? Was it the greatest moment of your life as I hear brandied about, or do you still break into a cold sweat at just the thought of it?

[/ QUOTE ]

I was very proud of my wife that day, and my eyes water remembering it.

Gripping her hand, feeding her ice chips, encouraging her, and then finally watching her with the little creature on her chest are memories I will treasure always.

Yeah, it's not sexy, but it is intimate.

I figure even if it is uncomfortable, you can man up and be there for her.

[Howard Treesong]

I am absolutely and positively in favor of being in the room: cutting umbilical cords and being the first person ever to hold both of my daughters was profoundly emotional and entirely wonderful. I suffered zero trauma and have been totally heads-over-heels in love with both daughters ever since. I'd gladly do it again for any more kids, though that prospect is unlikely.

Threadjack point: I am a huge proponent of attending family members while in the hospital 100% of the time, because medical staff make mistakes. Many staff are very competent but some are not. Basic diligence can make a huge difference. In one case, I overrode a decision from a nurse about something Mrs. Treesong was going through, and saved her from major surgery.

This seems like a perfectly appropriate topic for the El D forum, by the way.

[PnuggPnugg]

How else are you going to eat the after-birth while it's at its most fresh? In my culture, the husband and wife share a taste. Believe it or not most US hospitals will accomodate this!

[registrar]

I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't. I'm hardly a doting husband but it didn't occur to me not to be there. Fat lot of good I was. First child, I had a terrible hangover, it was the middle of the night, and I kept whacking the NO2 and passing out on the floor. But as State healthcare is so woeful in London, it was definitely good to be on hand at the birth as the nurses buggered off leaving me holding the baby un til I ranted and raved for some attention, the epidural was a [censored] up and, in general, the whole thing was pretty brutish. For my second child, we used birthing pool, which I recommend, and I was the first to see and hold my firstborn son having misguidedly, and to the rapt astonishment of the nurses, stripped down to my undies and got in. Hmmn. Happy days.

I don't think that seeing the birth made any difference to our sex life. Lack of sleep, mood swings, a weepy child in the bed, that all puts paid to that anyway.

Do whatever you want to do, but I find it pretty weird that anyone wouldn't want to witness the birth of their progeny.

I'm generally pretty squeemish but I didn't see anything to rock the fainthearted, except the distress it causes your wife. I do really, really urge to to use a birthing pool - it's so much more tranquil that way.

[dcasper70]

adsman,

I went through this experience just over 6 weeks ago (link to Lounge post/pregnancy thread), and will testify that it was, without a doubt, the single most amazing event in my life. You should take a few minutes to read the other trip reports in that thread. They all have happened within the last 5 months, and the successful pregnancies all have had profound effects on the dads that participated.

As for us, the labor really sucked for my wife, I guess her 'natural endorphins' were on vacation. I couldn't imagine her going through that kind of pain, surrounded by complete strangers, without me by her side. On that point alone, I'd feel very selfish and guilty.

If you go into the labor room with the expectation that it will be traumatic and disgusting then you've already decided the outcome. If you think it will be an amazing, positive, life changing experience, then chances are it will be just that.

And as far as ruining your sex life, well, if blaming that on the labor and delivery helps you sleep at night, so be it. Chances are there were plenty of other reasons.

I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

On another note, there are certain events that you may only have a few opportunities in life to experience. I'm actually surprised that you would not be interested in being part of this. I would respect anyones choice to not be involved, as long as they are not making that choice based on ignorance and selfishness.

Just my 2 cents.

BTW, loved your 'Changing Life' posts.

[flo]

The birth of our daughter was the single best moment in my life. I never had so strong, so absurd positive emotions before, it was absolutly awesome. I can't do anything but recommend it, as there is nothing negative.
I also really like the idea of having the birth (and the days after it) at home and not in a hospital (if there are no medical complications). It's much more private, it's better for the mother/baby (imho) and the experience is a whole lot better. It depends on the hospital how much better it is though.

[Mister Z]

The experience is very different for everybody. People told me that going into the delivery room would be beautiful and I would instantly fall in love with this new little baby, yadda yadda. For me, it was terrifying and when that screaming little creature came out of my wife I wanted to run and hide. I thought I was going to pass out when [censored] started hitting the fan to be honest. I'm not trying to scare you, but that's how things happened for me.

If I was you I would still want to be in the room. When the baby comes out they'll have the mom hold the baby and then they'll put it on a little warming area and clean it up. Then you can go over and hold it's little baby hand and say "what up little 8-pound creature." Plus it's not like you have to be right down there in the thick of it with a catcher's mitt. Just stay up by mom's head and support her and try to relax and make sure things are handled well.

My advice is to go to the hospital and have a plan. Know exactly who is going to be in the room, let everybody (family/friends) know what the plan is and stick with it. Talk to the mom beforehand about who she wants in the room and any specifics and make sure those are carried out.