No Longer need a manwhore, I've found Jesus

[AciD on Ya ToEs]

My mind was spinning and so was the world. Multiple shots of straight vodka all night long. I need to find a hobo to give me a [censored], fast? Then it hit me, the dumpster out back. I love hobos, and I love getting my [censored] sucked, but I have always had trouble finding hobos in my town. So I was happy to see three hobos sleeping in the dumpster when I got there.

The next day I awoke in my apartment flat at noon. The sun was shining viciously through the window onto my cum stained panties. Wait a second, I dont have panties I thought to myself. I jumped up quickly and looked behind me. What I saw was shocking and disturbing atleast PG13. It was a women with a penis.

I say "Who the [censored] are you?"
He replies "Ummm I am now an employed manwhore you paid me 300 bucks to "pozz" you, Do you remember?"
"No not really" I stammer back.

Suddenly there is heavy manly pounding on the door.
I say to my manwhore "quick hide behind the curtains"
I go to the door and say "who is it"
"its your grandma now open up right now"
"gramma can you come back later, I am in the middle of something"
"OPEN THAT GOD DAMN DOOR YOU [censored] I KNOW YOU ARE TAKING IT IN THE BUTT"
I opened the door and My gramma came in. She was a short religious women about 4'11 with a pink sombrero like hat and a flower designed dress and saggy boobies.

"Clayton, Is it true? Sister Margaret told me that you had been a gay person for a long time but I didnt want to believe it?

"YES gramma", I snapped back " I am a HUGE HOMOSEXUAL, A very gay one"
"I hate gay people." Grandma retorted. Just then my manwhores cellphone went off (im a barbie girl in a barbie world lalala). My grandma gasped "Oh my god, is he here? He's hiding behind that curtain isnt he." Grandma went over to the curtain and pulled it open.

Squirt squirt... SPLASH squirt squirt... SPLASH. Cum hit her right between her eyes. "AHHHH she gasped."
"Relax hoe" my manwhore calmly told her.

My grandma quietly walked over to me and reached into her european carry-all. She pulled out a bible. Read King Salmons Psalm 6:17 she said to me and passed me the bible. I skimmed quickly to that verse. It read:

"In the most darkest of times, thou will seek the most evilest temptations. To be thee righteous one, one must resist. Resist boy, resist."

I stood there thinking things through. I was overcome with such strong emotions, I saw the light, and I started to weep. I then handed my man hooker his 300 dollars and told him I would no longer be in need of his services anymore. "I have Jesus." I said. My grandma looked at me and smiled. I was a changed man. That was fo' sure.

[bmwguy525]

i read the first two sentences and then stopped. I will not be reading any more stories from this author.

[rothko]

[ QUOTE ]
i read the first response and then stopped. I will not be reading any stories from this author.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ph0yce]

Really really bad. Not funny at all.

F-

[Banditgberg]

is this the nuts in your eye character?

[Skoob]

I totally lol'd.

Anyone's grandmother shouting:
[ QUOTE ]
OPEN THAT GOD DAMN DOOR YOU [censored] I KNOW YOU ARE TAKING IT IN THE BUTT

[/ QUOTE ]
is gold.

Would read again.

[lucktard]

It had a couple of funny parts.

I agree with Banditgberg that it seems like Nuz in yo face. I'm pretty sure it's the same guy.

[bmwguy525]

It's apparent by the name itself that it's NIYM, but this story was still pretty unreadable as far as content. That's why I stopped after sentence 2.

[Sofisdad]

tl;dr

[NUTZ IN YA MOUTH]

[ QUOTE ]
It's apparent by the name itself that it's NIYM, but this story was still pretty unreadable as far as content. That's why I stopped after sentence 2.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually, it's not.

NIYM