Hookers on the Strip: My night with Men The Master

[NUTZ IN YA MOUTH]

Saturday night I was fortunate enough to sit at a table with Men the Master himself. Men and I were completely steamrolling the table. It was a joke.

After playing for a few hours, Men pulled me aside and said “You know what? Let me buy you a beer.” I mildly objected at first; after all, I had been drinking Petrone since noontime, but Men insisted.

“Two Coronas,” he told the bartender before turning back to me. “I haven’t seen you around much. You play here a lot?”
“Mostly on the East Coast, actually,” I said.
“You’re pretty good. Professional?” he inquired.
“You could day that,” I responded, gulping nearly half the beer he’d bought me in one swig.
“Whoa! Slow down! You’re a drinker, no? I’ve got a friend who you’d like to party with. You know Scotty Nguyen? I’ll give him a call right now,” Men said, reaching for his cell phone.

Momentarily, this seemed OK to me, until I realized that I’d assaulted Scotty in a casino bathroom and hacked off his mullet just weeks prior.

“NO!” I exclaimed.
“What’s wrong?” Men asked.
“It’s just that – I get nervous around most poker pros. I mean, you seem like a down to earth guy, but, some of the other pros I’ve met were [censored],” I reasoned.

Men apparently bought it and put his phone away. “You ready to party?” Men asked, a devious smile forming on his round face.
“Party?” I asked, confused.
“Party,” Men said, leaning into me so close that I could smell the whiskey on his breath. “Let’s find some ladies.”

Men paid the bar tab and he and I sauntered to the Strip. He whistled to two Asian hookers, who approached nervously. Men conversed with them in Vietnamese. Or Cambodian. Who the [censored] knows.

Regardless, Men and I ended up at a seedy motel with these two skanks for $250 a pop. Strangely enough, mine said she wanted to take a shower before getting it on, so I sat on my twin bed and watched reruns of the 2005 U.S. Poker Championship on ESPN Classic. On an adjacent bed, Men sat with his hooker and watched.

“Look, there I am!” he exclaimed gleefully, pointing at the TV. “Watch me bluff this guy out!”

The hooker giggled, and Men looked at her lustfully. He tore off her pants and went down on her. Before I could object to Men’s engagement in cunnilingus with a Vegas hooker, he looked up at me with a crazed look on his face and exclaimed “ALL YOU CAN EAT, BABY!”

Feeling wildly uncomfortable in the room, I decided it was best I left. Apologizing to my hooker, I scurried out of the hotel and headed back to the Wynn to play some black jack. I sat at a table and exhaled. The only other player at the table, a forty-something-year old man drinking scotch, leaned over and asked, “Bad night?”

“You don’t know the half of it,” I told him, reaching into my pocket to buy chips, ammunition for the run I was about to go on.

[King_S]

good work, but not A+

[nextgenneo]

[ QUOTE ]
he looked up at me with a crazed look on his face and exclaimed “ALL YOU CAN EAT, BABY!”

[/ QUOTE ]

Best line... on a whole tho its just a B

[Tmoney120]

In

[ChexNFX]

I liked.

[Suigin406]

the all you can eat line saved it, mediocre other than that, but that part was awesome...

[Jiggymike]

I actually thought this one was pretty funny, loled a couple of times. Didn't try to do too much and it worked well.

[thepizzlefosho]

anti-climactic, but still more enjoyable then most of the crap I read on the interwebs. -B but keep 'em coming.

[RunyonAve]

i had no clue you liked men.

[Gildwulf]

very nice