Big Choices and Im Bewildered

[WCGRider]

Alright before i go into my exact problem here, i want to give you a little bit of my background. This is definetely going to be a tl;dr.

I have wanted to be a lawyer my entire life. From day one of my first year of school, I knew that is what i wanted to be.
In fact, it was the only thing i wanted to be. I wanted to be a top notch lawyer. However, and it has taken me a while (and maybe not fully up until now) to realize i just don't have what it takes.

Ive always always been a fairly intelligent person with actually zero work ethic. I know we all think we are lazy, but i (and i actually swear to god) have never opened a textbook out of class in my entire life. I have actually NEVER studied for anything. And this isn't your standard i got perfect grades anyway and went to a good school or something. In fact, its quite the opposite.

Over time, my classmates caught up with me in intelligence because i never really progressed as a student. In High School i got a 3.95 weighted/2.7 unweighted (In North Carolina the weight system is insane.). I refused to not take AP/Honors classes out of the principle that i felt i was better then the people in those classes, and i was intelligent enough to be in the higher classes. I ended up getting a 1270/1870 (old/new sat), and a class rank of like 120 out of 400 kids. I really feel like i threw away my opportunity. I have a year of hours done from AP credit, some from classes i didn't even take, but i just took the exams. I failed most of them but because of the shear amount of exams i took i got a year done (barely).

So i was rejected from every university i applied to except for my super safety school, UNCW. Was really disappointing, i always wanted to go to USC like my father did, and if not at least a somewhat respectable school. However, Now i am at a beach school with a student body that consists of surfers, druggies, and less intelligent people that just worked somewhat in high school.

So here i am, at a really easy party school on the beach. Surely now i would at least get good grades here so i could get into a good law school. But im not doing it, and to be honest im acting as if i don't care. Its ironic, because i really do care, but i have never worked at anything in my entire life. (never had a real job, never had chores, never did any school work) The only exceptions being chess, guitar, warcraft III, and now poker. (Only one at a time, it progressed as i grew older.) I would study whatever i was doing relentlessly, and try to become the best i possible could. But everything else suffered. In fact, part of me didn't want to do it because I couldn't be perfect at it. I have never done something just to do it, never done something to get it over with. I either do it the best i can or not at all.

Now, in my first year as a sophomore at UNCW, I am borderline failing two classes, and might (but probably wont) pull B's in the others. I have failed a good portion of my exams, and haven't done anything at all except party and play poker. My schedule is only mon to wed, 13 credit hours, and nothing before 2 pm. But i just cant do it.

Adding to the confusion, poker has started to treat me much better over the past few months, netting me several thousand. I play at 100 and 200 fr nl now, and have bought all kinds of stuff with the money ive earned. (42 inch tv/oakleys/skateboard/a ton of ralph lauren clothing/new blackberry pearl/cigars). And it really makes me feel good and takes my mind off of everything.

But i can only keep doing this so long. Perhaps i don't have to make this decision today, tomorrow, or even by the end of the semester. But i honest to god cant put a single ounce of effort into anything, and I've realized this has become a serious problem. I tried to talk to a school councilor but i think he thinks i am just a lazy [censored] and a lucky gambl000r who will lose his money eventually. My parents said they would pay my loan after each year but they are going to freak when they find out my grades.

I really thought when i was making actual money at this game it would fix everything, i would be content and focused. But it hasn't. If anything its complicated matters, now i have a realistic financial opportunity in poker. 100 nl can earn you a living, and 200 nl a decent living. If i ever managed to play at a stage beyond that i could certainly play for a very nice living.

But is that what i want? Who am I anymore? What do i want out of life? I feel like ive [censored] up my life and running out of time, and i don't even know what i want anymore.


Cliffnotes: Lazy and Getting bad grades, what should i do?