Funny and/or Effective Quips to Problem Players

[hitch1978]

When you bust someone, (Preferably in a tourney, but it works in cash too - particularly if they're not gonna rebuy.) and they start trashing you, a la 'I can't believe you called with A9, you fish!' or whatever. The best reply, in a normal, quietish voice, and not directed at the offender....

"I hear dead people."

Guarenteed to get the whole table laughing at the guy.

[pfapfap]

Haha, that's fabulous. Here on the coast, we don't have the luxury of a cardroom in every building, so we have to allow players to get away with a lot more.

A friend who dealt at a now-blowed-up casino says his old brush used to say this about players who caused problems: "If they don't want to play poker, fk 'em, deal around them."

And, y'know, dealing somebody out for a hand REALLY works. I've only done it twice, because it's so completely against our rules, and I get a lot of crap from above (with all sorts of slippery slope arguments about why we can't do that with notoriously problem players getting out of line again)... but I tell ya, denying an addict his fix is a wonderful way to simply, efficiently, and quietly calm a situation. That is, if the room backs the dealers making that judgment. It works a lot better than, "don't do that, or I'll tell you not to do that again." Our players know we're powerless and that the floor is unwilling to kick them out.

[Bats]

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If my sister had a dick she'd be my brother.

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Love it!! I'll have to remember that one. Even if used against me, I'd love it. Unfortunately, not everyone appreciates a good whiticism and I can see the morons complainng to management. Stupid people don't like it when their stupidity is made obvious.

[AngusThermopyle]

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If my sister had a dick she'd be my brother.

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Love it!! I'll have to remember that one. Even if used against me, I'd love it.

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I always heard it as "If my Aunt had balls, she'd be my Uncle."

[TripleH68]

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If my sister had a dick she'd be my brother.

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Love it!! I'll have to remember that one. Even if used against me, I'd love it.

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I always heard it as "If my Aunt had balls, she'd be my Uncle."

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Yes, thank you.

Saw a t-shirt the other day that read "I am that man from Nantucket."

[Howard Beale]

Here's one the players can use:

To the whiny guy at the table who's been complaining about how he can't get any cards, he can't win a hand, the flop never hits him, he's losing so much money etc, etc...


'I'll get you a phone so you can call someone who cares.'

[Jimbo]

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Here's one the players can use:

To the whiny guy at the table who's been complaining about how he can't get any cards, he can't win a hand, the flop never hits him, he's losing so much money etc, etc...


'I'll get you a phone so you can call someone who cares.'

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Howard in the old days of pay phones we'd toss the guy a dime and tell him to call someone who cares. With inflation the joke has now become too expensive. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Jimbo

[JABoyd]

Totally random here....

BEST dealer I have EVER had was at the Borgat in AC. I don't remember his name...someone may know it. Black guy with a messed up thumb...he makes jokes about it a lot.

Anyway, EXCELLENT dealer, follows the action to perfection and his personality has to net him TONS in tokes. Every time I have him as a dealer he gets tips for his jokes as well as his dealing.

Someone help me out with his name...

[redfisher]

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Anyway, right after that and right before I had the floor come over to explain it to him, he said one of those "I've been playing longer than you've been alive" type of comments, which I ignored. Five minutes too late, I thought: "I'd have thought in all that time you'd have learned to behave like an adult."

The table also didn't like this guy, so I think that'd have helped a lot (or at least gotten me a talking-to by my boss), so I gotta remember it for the future. Anyone have other situations/comments they've seen or would like to? How well did it work to actually diffuse the situation?

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I think you're just screwed here. From your other posts I think you deal on the Gulf Coast? Old southern white guys just don't respond well to "whippersnappers" telling them what to do, right or wrong. I don't think I've ever seen this situation work out well from a player perspective since the old guys who blow this kind of smoke are always donators. From a dealer perspective, I suppose getting the guy 86'd might work if the players don't get pissed about you running off a donator.

Hopefully the players carry the dipstick's toke weight when you run into this BS through no fault of your own. I know the BR and NO regulars do at 2/5 and above.

[DrewOnTilt]

Forever ago I made a similar post in the Psychology forum, requesting smartass comebacks to table coaches. I got some decent responses but the thread got hijacked, so I summed up the decent responses in another thread. Took some digging but I found it in the archives:

Shutting up the table coach summary