Pregnant GF

[Edge34]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Gf just came back from the OBGYN and has pics of it now. 8 weeks 2 days and healthy.

She has now made it very clear that abortion and adoption are out of the question.

I have no [censored] clue what I'm going to do now...

[/ QUOTE ]

She's gone back on her word and given you an ultimatum. These are not the actions of a person who respects you.

End the relationship and leave town.

[/ QUOTE ]

People like you are pretty much despicable. How has nobody actually addressed that "a month ago, [OP] was 90% sure he wanted to marry this girl"?

He claims he loved her, and now that some real [censored] is happening and its not all just sex and poker, he's getting cold feet. I respect the girl a lot more for accepting the fact that life just changed. OP is a little pussy.

[XxGodJrxX]

Placing all the blame on OP when the gf seemingly stopped taking her birth control pills AND lied to him about getting an abortion, is equally despicable. I can't blame the OP if he leaves her behind.

I think it's clear that the OP was 90% was sure he wanted to be with her when he didn't think she was lying to him and trying to get him ensnared in a life that he does not want.

[Edge34]

[ QUOTE ]
Placing all the blame on OP when the gf seemingly stopped taking her birth control pills AND lied to him about getting an abortion, is equally despicable. I can't blame the OP if he leaves her behind.

I think it's clear that the OP was 90% was sure he wanted to be with her when he didn't think she was lying to him and trying to get him ensnared in a life that he does not want.

[/ QUOTE ]

So with no evidence whatsoever that the girl did anything wrong, you're going to condemn her?

You're 22. So am I, but you're showing just how naive you actually are with those comments.

1) The pill is, at BEST, 99% effective. Things still happen.

2) Had OP been smart enough to wrap it up understanding said small chance, this would have been even LESS of a potential problem.

3) The girl lied? Bulls***. Lying implies that it was never her intention. Not to mention, nowhere had it ever been SET that they would abort. Just the discussion had taken place.

The OP hasn't said much since he started this firestorm, but to the girl's credit, she's not trying to run away from a situation that is partially of her doing. OP is, and in my book, that makes him a coward.

He still hasn't responded with any good reason of what would be so bad about working a 9-to-5 for steady income and playing poker part time. He's a kid who has absolutely no "world view" because he thought being a small-time rounder was going to make him big. If he really ever loved this girl, he would stop being a whiny little pussy and accept his responsibility in this situation.

There should be no "blame" in this situation - because it was something both parties should have understood could happen. The girl is dealing with reality. OP is not.

OP's lack of actual feedback to these responses is pretty sad. Here's hoping it was real and not just some attempt to start a firestorm.

[XxGodJrxX]

What is so bad about it is that it isn't what he wants. Contrary to what he says, he obviously does not love her ENOUGH.

Also, if the pill is used correctly, it is 99.9% effective (or so I have read). The advice I have read in this thread is wear a condom anyways AND pull out. Taking it even further, some people suggest not having sex at all. Am I to assume that those giving advice in this thread are Catholic school teachers?

[XxGodJrxX]

Also, I don't see why the OP is doing something wrong, while the gf is getting all this sympathy. She didn't do anything wrong? She, at the very least, backed out of getting an abortion when that was what they had agreed on.

You can blame it on her hormones, or evolutionary psychology. If the OP runs, you can ALSO blame it on similar factors. You can easily say that, evolutionarily, men are designed to impregnate as many women as possible without being around to take care of them.

I do not necessarily think it is a good, or acceptable, thing for the OP to run. But placing all the blame on him, while calling his gf courageous for "not running" is wrong on many levels. The only way that she COULD run from this situation would be to abort, and that would be the right thing to do in my opinion. Making bad decisions because her religious friends and family convinced her is hardly a courageous act. She deserves as much condemnation as the OP.

[Bigfoot]

[ QUOTE ]

So with no evidence whatsoever that the girl did anything wrong, you're going to condemn her?

You're 22. So am I, but you're showing just how naive you actually are with those comments.

1) The pill is, at BEST, 99% effective. Things still happen.

2) Had OP been smart enough to wrap it up understanding said small chance, this would have been even LESS of a potential problem.

3) The girl lied? Bulls***. Lying implies that it was never her intention. Not to mention, nowhere had it ever been SET that they would abort. Just the discussion had taken place.

The OP hasn't said much since he started this firestorm, but to the girl's credit, she's not trying to run away from a situation that is partially of her doing. OP is, and in my book, that makes him a coward.

He still hasn't responded with any good reason of what would be so bad about working a 9-to-5 for steady income and playing poker part time. He's a kid who has absolutely no "world view" because he thought being a small-time rounder was going to make him big. If he really ever loved this girl, he would stop being a whiny little pussy and accept his responsibility in this situation.

There should be no "blame" in this situation - because it was something both parties should have understood could happen. The girl is dealing with reality. OP is not.

OP's lack of actual feedback to these responses is pretty sad. Here's hoping it was real and not just some attempt to start a firestorm.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't understand why you're passing judgment on the OP. Nothing in life is guaranteed. It's not just a cliche. If BC is taken properly and I mean to the letter properly, then it is quite effective. Someone getting pregnant while on BC and properly taking it is statistically unlikely and thus unlucky. The fact is that the OP talked to his GF about what would happen in the case that it failed. This is more responsible than most people ever are.

So why everyone is saying "man up" and accept the responsibiltiy. Obviously OP was misled to some degree (how much so, only he knows) and is not prepared to change the life he currently lives. This doesn't make him morally good or bad, its just a choice.

I think it's a lot more noble of the OP to outright admit he isn't prepared for this and doesn't want it than him trying to half-ass his way through fatherhood. If you're having a child the least you could do for it is to want it. When you don't even want it, what sort of life is it going to have?

OP isn't a coward at all. His GF is making a selfish choice based on only her feelings and as a result of this he's considering his own options. Think of it like a game of chess. Even when you can anticipate or attempt to guide your opponent's next (or other future) move through your own moves, you can never guarantee it. Thus, all your own moves are in part reactionary because you can only have 100% accurate information upon the sucessful completion of your opponent's move.

It's an unfortunate situation to be in, but it's unrealistic to say OP has to do this or that simply because some options may not be socially accepted. The fact of the matter is, in deciding to have the baby against OP's wishes, his GF is subject to the consequences. If these consequences happen to be him leaving her, then so be it. As long as OP requires his minimum legal requirements to the child he should be able to go about his life as he chooses.

[Edge34]

Is he legally able to? Sure. Too bad for the kid that will probably grow up never knowing his real father because the guy was too chicken-s***.

OP was crying earlier in this thread about how this is going to ruin all his hopes and dreams, but yet again, there are a few points consistently brought up that never got addressed by this dude...

1) What precisely is ruined to the point you'll never be able to do it due to this child?

2) What about the girl, who probably wants to actually finish school. If I recall correctly, OP is a college dropout - his GF is in school and he's worried about his career as a small-time poker player?

Yeah, OP has it so bad. There are about 1000 better options than bailing, but this kid isn't going to get to live the life of a gambler becuase of an unlucky break he knew was possible. Let's blame it on her. Just because she won't abort, now its more important for OP to be selfish and split, leaving his future child fatherless. But hey, I'm sure he'll enjoy gambling for child support checks.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Gf just came back from the OBGYN and has pics of it now. 8 weeks 2 days and healthy.

She has now made it very clear that abortion and adoption are out of the question.

I have no [censored] clue what I'm going to do now...

[/ QUOTE ]

She's gone back on her word and given you an ultimatum. These are not the actions of a person who respects you.

End the relationship and leave town.

[/ QUOTE ]

People like you are pretty much despicable. How has nobody actually addressed that "a month ago, [OP] was 90% sure he wanted to marry this girl"?

He claims he loved her, and now that some real [censored] is happening and its not all just sex and poker, he's getting cold feet. I respect the girl a lot more for accepting the fact that life just changed. OP is a little pussy.

[/ QUOTE ]

If you respect someone just for having a baby, your standards are about as low as they can possibly get.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
The OP hasn't said much since he started this firestorm, but to the girl's credit, she's not trying to run away from a situation that is partially of her doing.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why on earth is this to her credit? She/he/they or whatever f*cked up. Someone deserves credit for this? Holy crap.

She's just making the choice she likes best. That's what most people do most of the time about most everything. Pretty thin stuff to form a hero out of. Doing what you want, and regardless of what anyone else wants, after you screw up is nothing in the least unusual, extraordinary, or praise-worthy.

Now if she decided to be one hell of a good mother, and followed through, at least we'd have some basis for some sort of praise somewhere along the line. But that all remains to be seen. Right now she's just doing the typical, average thing, and it's far from "special" or courageous or whatever. She's gonna pop one out. Big whoop. My hero!

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
Is he legally able to? Sure. Too bad for the kid that will probably grow up never knowing his real father because the guy was too chicken-s***.

OP was crying earlier in this thread about how this is going to ruin all his hopes and dreams, but yet again, there are a few points consistently brought up that never got addressed by this dude...

1) What precisely is ruined to the point you'll never be able to do it due to this child?

2) What about the girl, who probably wants to actually finish school. If I recall correctly, OP is a college dropout - his GF is in school and he's worried about his career as a small-time poker player?

Yeah, OP has it so bad. There are about 1000 better options than bailing, but this kid isn't going to get to live the life of a gambler becuase of an unlucky break he knew was possible. Let's blame it on her. Just because she won't abort, now its more important for OP to be selfish and split, leaving his future child fatherless. But hey, I'm sure he'll enjoy gambling for child support checks.

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe other people just aren't as "pro-life" as you. Sure, from your perspective, maybe those people are monsters. But from their own, which you seem to have no grasp of, things look quite different.

You can tell monster stories to yourself and your friends, but you can't expect anyone else to go along with it and cast himself as the monster just to make you happy. Maybe what's really going on is a little deeper than the boogeyman stories you're comfortable with.

Not everyone accepts your premises or thinks in black and white. Or thinks it a good thing that anybody does. So in a way your posts are not really interacting at all, but an oblique way of praising your settled opinions.

Venturing them is fine, of course. But thinking that they're particularly good, especially when they're so over the top and patently unbalanced and simplistic, is a mistake. You're mostly just talking to yourself when you lock off the discussion by assuming there's only one way to think and whoever doesn't agree is a bastard.

If he agreed in the first place, he wouldn't even be asking, now, would he? So what's the point of your rant?