Beat: My elite ninja squad got pwzned by some guy

[ninjawerewolf]

You know it's days like these that I wonder why I'm even in an elite ninja squad. Can we even call ourselves "elite" after this incident? Have we been deluding ourselves into thinking we were elite because we mostly only fought (and pwned, obv) the elite werewolf pirate squad? I mean maybe we're not so good after all. Sure I personally bitchslapped countless cutlasses out of many a werewolf pirate paw, but could there be more to elite assassination than that? Apparently so.

So the whole thing started out like any normal non-pirate assassination job. The big D wanted us to take out this guy so we jumped into the ninja van and went and got some takeout first because D is kind of a chump and we're an elite ninja squad so we do this kind of thing on our own time (and we bill by the hour, obv). Anyway I got the almond chicken and it was pretty good.

So we get to the parking garage and I'm like "okay get your swords ready," but then Hiro is like "[censored]. I forgot the swords. All we have are these lasers and grenades." So I'm all "What the eff, Hiro? You think we keep you around because you're a good person or something? [censored] man your job is to bring the damn swords. What kind of ninjas use lasers and grenades?" And then he says "Oh yeah, what kind of ninja refers to ninja in the plural with an 's'?" So I have to kill him.

So I send a couple of noobs out the back of the van with lasers and of course they get totally pwned. They were using frickin' LASERS. [censored] Hiro. So I have to jump out of the van with the grenades and the ninjastar throwmaster 3000 (Forgot to mention that we had THAT too, huh Hiro?) But this dude [censored] dodges everything like he's the main character of the story or some [censored].

And then [censored] started to get really heavy. Not sure exactly what happened but I MSPAINTED some of the video footage I haxored from the the surveilance camera after it all went down:





I told Gabe from Penny Arcade about it and he MSPAINTED it too. Then he called me a pussy because my ninja squad got taken out so easily. So I then preceed to bust out a knife. Normally, he would be scared shitless in this situation, but being buzzed combined with the tense atmosphere, he simply knock it out of my hands with a backhanded bitch slap that would make any pimp proud. he then grab by my shirt and trip me. he start wailing on me left and right before one of my friends socks him in the back of his head. he am dazzled for a few seconds before he quickly counter with a mean hook of hos own. Now, he never boxed before but a friend of his who does taught him how to punch properly (basically, it's all in the rotation of your hips and a well timed release of your punch). After knocking subject me to the floor he turn around to grab the third guy by the collar as I was about to punch him and trip me to the floor. his friends at this point are rolling on the floor laughing. he started wailing on the third kid and my friends, laughing their asses off, pull him off me. The party is deadstill with all eyes on him and I've never in my life felt a bigger adrenaline rush than in those 5 minutes. he walk out of the party and hop onto the next one.