"Why aren't you married?"

[The X-Factor]

"Why aren't you married?" This question was asked of me the other night by a girl that was qusi-dating (this relationship is currently on "pause" but that is a story for another time). Since I am not married (nor have I ever been), this not the first time that I have been asked this question, what made this case a little different is that it was not asked by my Mother or my aunt. In this person's defense, the question wasn't asked in an attempt to be rude or with any hint of malice (I think it was an attempt to compliment me). Never the less, I didn't have an answer and just tried to change the subject. That exchange got me thinking, what is the answer that question- Why am I not married?

Before I can begin to answer that question, the more important question to answer is "Am I the type of person who wants a family and marriage at some point in my life?" The answer is simple, who doesn't? Now that we have that out of the way, let's tackle the before mentioned question:

The average age of first marriages in the United States is 26 for women, and 27 for men. This fact does make me feel like a case of Bud Light past it's born on date, but it is not as bad as originally thought. With that being said, let's take a deep dive into some of the reasons I (and maybe some others) haven't conformed to the intuition of marriage: For arguments sake I'm going to use very general terms in an attempt to explain this enigma.

Pressure and Time: Believe it or not, guys do start to feel pressure to tie the knot when it gets late in the game. We do have a clock; we just don't externalize it in the same way as women. As each friend (one by one), walks that aisle and leaves the clubhouse of bachelorism for the bond of holy matrimony the pressure level starts to mount. When this happens, what does "single guy" do? We tend to tighten up our game and only play premium hands. You see in our early to mid 20's, we could waste 12 or 18 months speculating on "Miss Good Enough for Right Now" (10s8s if you will)while we waited on "Mrs. Right"(QdQs or better) to come along. The closer you get to your early to mid 30's, you realize that you don't have the luxury of wasting time with someone you know you are not going to be with long term- you don't have the time to waste. The problem is in life (and poker for that matter), premium hands (or premium women) don't come around that often and just because you pick one up doesn't mean that it will hold up until the river.

One more run: All guys believe that they still have one great run left in them, if we didn't the world would have never seen things like Emmitt Smith in a Cardinals jersey or MJ dressing out for the Wizards. We have all dated girls along the way that were great but we couldn't see it or appreciate it because we just were waiting to go on that "last great run". To explain this, we would say things like "I'm not going to settle", what this really means is I kind of like this girl but I'm going to hold out for Christy Turlington. This is very shallow, by the time we figure out that chemistry (not looks) is the most important thing when it comes to relationships- it is almost too late. Karma's a bitch, ain't it?



The Ghost of Girlfriends Past: Remember Charles Dickens' 'The Christmas Carrol'? In the novel, three ghosts haunt Ebenezer Scrooge and cause him to change his ways. Well most guys don't come out of the womb with commitment phobia, this phobia is created. The cause of this fear is normally a "Ghost of Girlfriend's Past", if you show me a guy who has a hard time letting people in, I'll be willing to bet that some girl whom he cared about a great deal screwed him over. I know what you are thinking; people should look to the future and not live in the past. I would totally agree, and most guys don't. This fear is more buried in his subconscious, he won't let anyone in and he doesn't even realize that he is pushing people away. One of the main symptoms of this type of problem is "slump-busting". "Slump-Busting" is dating a girl that you don't respect (normally someone that other people call a Hoe). "Normal Guy" does this during times of long slumps in an attempt to break the slump, hence the name. But "Chronically Single Guy" does this because it makes for easier decisions (like pocket 22's- no set, no bet). Your not going to bring a "slump-buster" home to meet your mama, so no long term relationship to think about and no likelihood of getting hurt (like the ghost caused) because you don't respect them enough to let them in. The spectre of this "Ghost" is so strong that it can invade your dreams, shatter your reality, and dominate you... if you let it.

Well that about answers the question, I think. At one time or another, I have fallen victim to all three of the above reasons. But don't worry, not all hope is lost. If you really want to know what is going to cure me of the affliction of being chronically single. The answer is surprising simple:

"This girl"- She has to make me want to be a better man than I already am………. She has to recognize how great that I am, and how great I'm going to be…….. The real problem is, I just haven't met "This girl" yet. When I do, I'll let ya'll know.

X

[Blarg]

"It's still against the law to marry someone under 10 years old."

[[Phill]]

Blarg,

Not in Saudi Arabia.

[BellagioPlayer]

"Because it's not legal to marry your sister."

[pryor15]

[ QUOTE ]
the more important question to answer is "Am I the type of person who wants a family and marriage at some point in my life?" The answer is simple, who doesn't?

[/ QUOTE ]

me

[nath]

[ QUOTE ]
"Because it's not legal to marry your cousin."

[/ QUOTE ]

seriously, though, how old are you, anyway?

[BellagioPlayer]

[ QUOTE ]
seriously, though, how old are you, anyway?

[/ QUOTE ]


Old enough to have banged your mother, before she was your momma.

[nath]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
seriously, though, how old are you, anyway?

[/ QUOTE ]


Old enough to have banged your mother, before she was your momma.

[/ QUOTE ]
Uh... what? I was talking to OP. And that doesn't make any sense anyway.

[tuq]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
the more important question to answer is "Am I the type of person who wants a family and marriage at some point in my life?" The answer is simple, who doesn't?

[/ QUOTE ]

me

[/ QUOTE ]
Yeah, eff societal pressures about kids, or marriage for that matter. Within a 3-month span a year ago four of my good friends each had their first kid. Fast forward a year, we don't hang out nearly as much, when I go over to hang out at their house (because, let's face it, they can rarely escape it) I get a large dose of WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH from their little bundles of joy, and they're totally handcuffed for the next 12-18 years. I didn't want kids before experiencing a small dose of them, I sure as hell don't want them now. Plus I think I would suck as a father, so it's really a win-win.

[Scorpion]

I am 35 and not married. Never have been probably never will. Never had the desire at all. I like the single life.