spanking (child discipline): a thought and a few questions?

[wet work]

Lots of wooden spoon use here. My grandmother used to spank me with one of those long bamboo back scratchers. She called it 'The Hand', man that thing stung. Sometimes when it wasn't nearby she would make me go get it for her. I'd hand it over then try to run away to escape and end up getting nailed on the back or something.

I could never lay a hand on my daughters.

[SackUp]

I got spanked as a kid. It was good for me. I learned to behave rather quickly - or at least not do the things I got spanked for.

I currently don't spank and prefer talks, timeouts, and soap.

[El Diablo]

LFS,

"Yesterday my daughter stayed at a preschool transition program without her Mommy for the first time, so I bought her a kitchen:"

Are you f'ing kidding me? She plays w/ her friends for one day and gets that sweet kitchen? Man, I got ripped off HARD.

[Los Feliz Slim]

El D,

I just talked to her. Next time you are in LA you are invited to come play with her kitchen. She will even pretend-bake you an awesome pretend-pie. She will insist on wearing the oven mitt, though. Sorry about that.

[El Diablo]

LFS,

"She will insist on wearing the oven mitt, though. Sorry about that."

Uh, obv. What sort of retard would pretend-bake without wearing an oven mitt?

[Howard Treesong]

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what are your thoughts and experiences with child discipline and the most effective forms you have used, seen, felt, or been a part of??

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I spanked the elder Little T exactly one time. Why? She had refused to listen to every other form of discipline or punishment in response to her biting people, mostly me. I had previously denied her dessert and denied her something else she wanted, and I genuinely think she understood the rule. Even so, I picked her up (she was 3.5) in the middle of a party to say something to her and she bit me because she didn't want to be picked up. I put her across my knee and spanked her one time. I then set her down away from the rest of the party and told her to call me when she was done crying and could talk to me like an adult.

I let her stew for about ten minutes until she calmed down a bit, and then explained that biting can hurt other people seriously and is therefore unacceptable conduct in almost any circumstance, the one exception being if a stranger is trying to take her.

She has never once bitten since, and is generally a very well-behaved child. She clearly understands that I love her and her sister more than anything in the world.

I threatened to spank her little sister one time (at about age 2.5), after she had written on the wall with a marker for the third time. She understood very well that she was one inch from being spanked and that the fourth time would indeed bring on that event. She is now 5, and still remembers the rule -- and she has not violated it.

I rarely if ever threaten them with spanking. They understand that if I make that threat, I am dead serious about it.

Cliff notes: two kids, one justified spanking, kids behave well.

Oh, yeah: I was spanked once as a kid and belted once. I highly deserved the belting as I built and lit a pile of charcoal briquettes in our basement. I was six. I easily could have burned down our house.

[guids]

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Lots of wooden spoon use here. My grandmother used to spank me with one of those long bamboo back scratchers. She called it 'The Hand', man that thing stung. Sometimes when it wasn't nearby she would make me go get it for her. I'd hand it over then try to run away to escape and end up getting nailed on the back or something.

I could never lay a hand on my daughters.

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oh ya, man, I remember that thing now.

[Howard Treesong]

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Basically, they want you to treat a child as more of an equal, and they behave out of consideration for your feelings instead of behaving out of fear of getting punished.

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The "treating your child as an equal" plan sounds very good, and is exactly how I planned on parenting. Let my child learn from mistakes, find her own way, pick her path, etc etc etc. When she was nine months old she got a urinary tract infection and would NOT take her antibiotic. She'd clamp her mouth shut, freak out, and even puke from getting herself all worked up. It got to the point that the doctor told us they were going to have to admit her to the hospital so they could give her IV antibiotics. That would've been beyond awful, so I told my daughter that she was taking the medicine one way or the other, and physically forced her to take the medicine. She threw up, and I told her she was going to take it until she kept it down. I gave it to her again, and it stayed down. From then on, when it's medicine time she's known that she might as well just take it willingly.

Sometimes, the parent needs to be in absolute charge. I think kids want and need boundaries. They're always going to test them and push the envelope, but they need to know that there is a line. So, like the running around cars example, it it's a health/safety issue, it's always going to be Daddy's way.

EDIT: All that said, I just bought that book off Amazon, it looks really interesting.

[/ QUOTE ]health issue so quickly turns into physical health, mental health, social health and pretty soon you are controlling wayyyyy too much.

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With all due respect, Zeeb, that's crap. As noted in my other post, I spanked one of my kids one time. As a general rule, I'm pretty much a laissez-faire dad; I have very few rules but those must be obeyed: safety rules and respect rules, but that's pretty much it. My kids have massive choice and I intellectually treat them like little adults: I listen hard both to what they say and what they mean, and encourage them to make hard judgments about an unfair world.

Micro example: kids are allowed free reign in the back yard, regardless of how dirty or muddy they get. They are not permitted, however, to play with dead animals and must come get me if they see one.

Boiled down, good parents have judgment. Overcontrolling leads to psycho kids.

[Isura]

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My mom broke a wood spoon on my butt one time and I started laughing. I couldn't help myself. Boy did she get pissed about that.

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Haha. This happened to me a few times, but I never laughed. One time it was when I took one of my brother's Nintendo games to school to trade someone. The lockers in the school were just holes in the wall, and it got stolen. Other time was when I put the water really hot when my bro and cousin were taking a shower with me.

Weirdly, each time it was my mom. My dad has never hit me, but once he kind of pushed me down when I talked back (I def deserved more). I don't think I'll ever hit my kids though.

[captZEEbo]

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Basically, they want you to treat a child as more of an equal, and they behave out of consideration for your feelings instead of behaving out of fear of getting punished.

[/ QUOTE ]

The "treating your child as an equal" plan sounds very good, and is exactly how I planned on parenting. Let my child learn from mistakes, find her own way, pick her path, etc etc etc. When she was nine months old she got a urinary tract infection and would NOT take her antibiotic. She'd clamp her mouth shut, freak out, and even puke from getting herself all worked up. It got to the point that the doctor told us they were going to have to admit her to the hospital so they could give her IV antibiotics. That would've been beyond awful, so I told my daughter that she was taking the medicine one way or the other, and physically forced her to take the medicine. She threw up, and I told her she was going to take it until she kept it down. I gave it to her again, and it stayed down. From then on, when it's medicine time she's known that she might as well just take it willingly.

Sometimes, the parent needs to be in absolute charge. I think kids want and need boundaries. They're always going to test them and push the envelope, but they need to know that there is a line. So, like the running around cars example, it it's a health/safety issue, it's always going to be Daddy's way.

EDIT: All that said, I just bought that book off Amazon, it looks really interesting.

[/ QUOTE ]health issue so quickly turns into physical health, mental health, social health and pretty soon you are controlling wayyyyy too much.

[/ QUOTE ]

With all due respect, Zeeb, that's crap. As noted in my other post, I spanked one of my kids one time. As a general rule, I'm pretty much a laissez-faire dad; I have very few rules but those must be obeyed: safety rules and respect rules, but that's pretty much it. My kids have massive choice and I intellectually treat them like little adults: I listen hard both to what they say and what they mean, and encourage them to make hard judgments about an unfair world.

Micro example: kids are allowed free reign in the back yard, regardless of how dirty or muddy they get. They are not permitted, however, to play with dead animals and must come get me if they see one.

Boiled down, good parents have judgment. Overcontrolling leads to psycho kids.

[/ QUOTE ]er, I didn't mean to specifically badmouth you, but I think parents start out with your idea, and the process that starts to happen is parents try to do what's best and end up controlling too much (like the kids are still babies). And then the kids grow up a little more and the parents just stay in control instead of relinquishing a good amount of control back onto the kids backs. I think the idea just got a little convoluted up in my head and I wrote it wrong, since you obviously are doing it right [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]