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#1
10-17-2007, 04:19 PM
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parenthood and the meaning of life (long)
I've seen a few great posts here about parenthood, so I wanted to share an experience with you that might generate some interesting discussion. I’m curious about whether people are nagged by a lack of meaning in their lives. If you are thinking about kids, I’m curious to know what your thinking is now. If you are a parent, how did it change you? If you chose not to have kids, where do you stand with all this?
In the months leading up the birth of my daughter, just about everyone who had the chance told me that my life was going to change. Of course they were right, but it's interesting that no one ever asserted that I was going to change. Beyond the impact my daughter has had on my sleep schedule, ability to play cards, drink, watch football, and travel - the greatest changes have all been to my personality and outlook. Before, I was a walking existential crisis. So much of my life was devoted to exploring my place in the world, and what the whole "meaning of life" is. But after she arrived, I stopped asking these questions. I'm not tortured by this any longer. I’m satisfied. I can't say that I know definitively what the meaning of life is, but my need to ask the question of myself and the world has ceased completely. Anyway, I have a story I'd like to share. Yesterday my daughter turned 3. In addition to the books, toys, and other presents that we've given her, we also let her choose where we ate dinner. She decided on ice cream first, then miso soup and sushi at the Japanese restaurant next door. She loves this place because not only does she love the food, but they have a small pond with dozens of coy fish in the middle of the room. She can walk right up to the pond and peer over the side to watch the fish swim up to her in the hope that they'll be fed. For a 3 year-old, this is the best. And as an added bonus, she gets to meet and play with other kids who are into the fish. So last night she's there looking at and talking to the fish when three older (probably 5 years old) boys come over to the pond and start to blow on the fish as they swim by. Clearly the fish did not like this. When they were blown on, they'd swim quickly off. The boys, being boys, were delighted that they were able to agitate these creatures. My daughter watched this for a minute or so, and I could almost see her thought process: "They are older, so should I do this too? The fish don't like this, though - and I like the fish. I don't know what to do." But then she made her decision for the fish. So she marched over to these three kids who were significantly bigger than she was and started saying "don't blow on those fish!" over and over. They paid no attention, and after a few minutes, she came back to me exasperated. I suggested that she ask more politely. Of course, I knew that this would have no effect on them, but I wanted her to keep trying, to keep doing what she thought was the right thing. I didn't want to step in and teach her that justice only happens when you turn to an authority figure. I wanted her to feel as though she could do something for a cause that was important to her. To her credit, she started to ask politely. Then they started laughing at her and mocking her. This only spurred her on. She was getting angry, and started slapping her knees and shouting "stop, stop, stop, blowing on those fishies!!" again and again. At this point I'm practically in tears I'm so happy. She is demonstrating empathy for the fish. She's standing up for what she believes in, even though the boys must have been very intimidating to her, and she did not resort to violence when she became frustrated. Eventually, one of the boys started clapping aggressively close to her, and I had to step in to protect her and scold him. The kid's father then materialized and took the kid away. Everything ended and my wife and I praised her for the rest of the night. But this was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I was and still am bursting with pride. To me, this is what parenthood and life is all about. 
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#2
10-17-2007, 04:26 PM
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Re: parenthood and the meaning of life (long)
like im gonna read that
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#4
10-17-2007, 05:03 PM
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Re: parenthood and the meaning of life (long)
good judgement call sir, vnh.
would comment, but im only 16 so any comment i made would be based on nothing but guesses.
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#5
10-17-2007, 06:30 PM
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Re: parenthood and the meaning of life (long)
[ QUOTE ]
She can walk right up to the pond and peer over the side [/ QUOTE ] I'll admit it. I read "pee over the side". In any case, this was a great post. I'm sure many others without kids have felt like "former you" and are looking forward to feeling like "new you"...just not for a few years.
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#6
10-17-2007, 06:43 PM
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Re: parenthood and the meaning of life (long)
too long, didn't read, you're a stupid dumbhead.
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#7
10-17-2007, 07:07 PM
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Re: parenthood and the meaning of life (long)
Both my decision to get married and my decision to have a kid were total leaps of faith. I just had to assume I was doing the right thing because there's no way to make an informed decision.
And yeah... enjoy the time before all this happens. In my case, having a good time in and just out of college has made this stuff even more enjoyable.
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