Turning 35, or Starting the Back 9

[KilgoreTrout]

I turn 35 tomorrow. If family history is an indication, I have about 30 years left, tops. No worries, as I try to stay young at heart. Here are some things I've figured out about myself so far on this journey.

1. I reserve the right to change my mind. When I was in my 20's I knew it all. Either I forgot most of it or I wasn't as sharp as I thought I was, because now I'm ovwhelmed by just how much I don't know. Maybe it's an effect of finding myself on life's "down" escalator, but my desire to absorb new information is insatiable.

2. All is not as it appears. LDO, but my youthful idealism has given way to healthy skeptcism. I approach just about everything critically these days, from casual conversation to politics to the very central tenets of my upbringing.

3. Other people are always problematic. That's not to say that I've evolved a Sartrian view of the Other, but the flawed nature of communication is the source of most daily stress. No matter how precisely I explain myself, the explanation is dependent on the receiver of the message.

4. My family doesn't know me and that's okay. Eight years separate my closest sibling and me, with 14 years between me and my oldest sibling. We have little in common other than bloodline. I was in college while they were starting families. I was in grad school when our father died. They had their built-in support systems and I did not. I began my career, got married, bought a house, changed jobs several times, and even though I live one block away from my sister, not one person in my family knows my interests, skills, or even what I do for a living. Last Thanksgiving, one of my sisters asked how my "little job" was going. Fine, I guess, if you consider managing a $2 billion product line little.

5. Work ain't all that. I was a maniac in my 20's, working insane hours, eager to impress, rarely taking time off. Now I'm a believer in maxing out vacation and sick time. My wife and I are playing hooky tomorrow to go hiking, have a nice lunch, and maybe head to the local art museum in the afternoon. I take my birthday off every year now, and you should too. For the most part, we're all cogs in the wheel. Nothing of what the majority of us do amounts to much. What matters is our own experiences. Bag in sick and enjoy life!

6. Wonders never cease. I spent most of Saturday in my yard, raking leaves and watching the birds at my feeders. On a whim, I palmed a handful of seeds and sat on my stoop, hoping to catch the eye of a brave chickadee. My mom used to urge me to do this as a kid - probably because I was annoying her or something - and it often worked. To my delight, within a few minutes, the first bird fluttered down to investigate. It took a seed timidly, then apparently told a couple of its buddies that the crazy Food Guy was offering stuff. I was mobbed by the little critters - with them landing on my sweatshirt, hat, and hands - and then suddenly, as if they realized the foolishness of their actions, they all flew off. It only lasted a few minutes, but the joy I felt was immesurable.

For most of my 20's I was obsessed with the Next Thing. The next car, the next job, the next girl, the next whatever clouded my perception of the present. Perhaps the most important lesson I've learned is that NOW is far more important than the past or the future.

Having said that, I'll probably rush off to by a convertible sports car. FWIW.

[bogey1]

Sounds like you have your health, which should make the back nine enjoyable.

Injuries have left me with a very bad spinal disc, multiple doctors don't see surgery as likely to help. I spend most days sitting all day in pain wish like hell I'd enjoyed my youth more. Never assume you'll physically be able to go do those things you put off before.

Meh, variance.

[odellthurman]

[ QUOTE ]
4. My family doesn't know me and that's okay. Eight years separate my closest sibling and me, with 14 years between me and my oldest sibling. We have little in common other than bloodline. I was in college while they were starting families. I was in grad school when our father died. They had their built-in support systems and I did not. I began my career, got married, bought a house, changed jobs several times, and even though I live one block away from my sister, not one person in my family knows my interests, skills, or even what I do for a living. Last Thanksgiving, one of my sisters asked how my "little job" was going. Fine, I guess, if you consider managing a $2 billion product line little.

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You sound really bitter about this. Even if members of your family have done things to make you feel angry/slighted/belittled, you might consider taking the intiative to connect with them. If they don't know about your interests, skill, or job, tell them.

I'm 38, and I find as I get older that it is worthwhile to connect with family members. Of course, it doesn't always turn out well, but I think the effort is worth it.

If I am reading too much into your post and am off-base about your particular situation, I apologize and simply offer this as my personal opinion to others around our ages.

[katyseagull]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY A DAY EARLY!! [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]




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To my delight, within a few minutes, the first bird fluttered down to investigate. It took a seed timidly, then apparently told a couple of its buddies that the crazy Food Guy was offering stuff. I was mobbed by the little critters - with them landing on my sweatshirt, hat, and hands - and then suddenly, as if they realized the foolishness of their actions, they all flew off. It only lasted a few minutes, but the joy I felt was immesurable

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This is a very cool post KT. I think it is awfully well written and I bet a lot of us can relate to most of your points. I agree, we are all cogs in a wheel to an extent. I'm always reflecting back on things I've learned about life and people too so I just love this kind of post. Thank you for inlcuding your item #6, your immeasurable joy at feeding the birds in your yard. That was great.



This quote sort of struck a nerve with me,

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....and even though I live one block away from my sister, not one person in my family knows my interests, skills, or even what I do for a living. Last Thanksgiving, one of my sisters asked how my "little job" was going. Fine, I guess, if you consider managing a $2 billion product line little.



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How do you handle this kind of thing and doesn't it hurt you? Was wondering what is your explanation on why family's are so disconnected and disinterested as it seems to be really common. I wonder if it's normal.

[Brad1970]

You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

[Dominic]

nice post...if 35 is on the down escalator, where the hell am I at 44?? [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[katyseagull]

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You sound like a sad & lonely person with a chip on your shoulder.

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? Who me or Kilgore?

[daveT]

Nice post.

I was thinking about making one like this, but I couldn't figure out a good basing for it.

From my own observations, families seem to drift apart and come back together later in life. It is only natural that you would like to know the people that built your foundation.

Coming onto 30 is half rewarding, half-depressing. I find that there are things that I dreamed of doing that I am no longer capable of doing. I can at least look back and say I did quite a bit more than what other people have done.

I still don't understand a lot of things in life. I don't understand relationships, family, and stability, although a strong desire to learn all those things is there. The hardest part is seeing that there is a vision to attain in life, and yes, I do deserve it. I don't understand how I became what I am, but I understand why I am not what I wanted to be. I can't say that I live a life full of regrets more than the next person, but it is strange to think that there are so many mental and physical changes that occur so rapidly.

It is coming onto Thanksgiving. I have a friend from England who has no clue what this day means. It is supposed to mean a day of celebration and thankfulness, but it never works out that way. I try to explain to her that it is a day that a family makes a plan to see each other: people you otherwise hate and never want to see. Wounds that are 15 or more years old re-open. I told her that this is a highly personal day for families, and it is not a day that you want to witness among strangers. That it is bad form to invite yourself to a Thanksgiving dinner. I have had Thanksgiving with about 10 different families. It is my least favorite holiday because it is supposed to be so special, but all I ever seen was tension among torn people. It is supposed to be a time to forget, but even after so many years, this contempt is still there.

Yes, torn families is the norm. Think of that [censored]: it is someone's brother, someone's son, someone's father.

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
Nice post.

I was thinking about making one like this, but I couldn't figure out a good basing for it.

From my own observations, families seem to drift apart and come back together later in life. It is only natural that you would like to know the people that built your foundation.

Coming onto 30 is half rewarding, half-depressing. I find that there are things that I dreamed of doing that I am no longer capable of doing. I can at least look back and say I did quite a bit more than what other people have done.

I still don't understand a lot of things in life. I don't understand relationships, family, and stability, although a strong desire to learn all those things is there. The hardest part is seeing that there is a vision to attain in life, and yes, I do deserve it. I don't understand how I became what I am, but I understand why I am not what I wanted to be. I can't say that I live a life full of regrets more than the next person, but it is strange to think that there are so many mental and physical changes that occur so rapidly.

It is coming onto Thanksgiving. I have a friend from England who has no clue what this day means. It is supposed to mean a day of celebration and thankfulness, but it never works out that way. I try to explain to her that it is a day that a family makes a plan to see each other: people you otherwise hate and never want to see. Wounds that are 15 or more years old re-open. I told her that this is a highly personal day for families, and it is not a day that you want to witness among strangers. That it is bad form to invite yourself to a Thanksgiving dinner. I have had Thanksgiving with about 10 different families. It is my least favorite holiday because it is supposed to be so special, but all I ever seen was tension among torn people. It is supposed to be a time to forget, but even after so many years, this contempt is still there.

Yes, torn families is the norm. Think of that [censored]: it is someone's brother, someone's son, someone's father.

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Well, my family is far from perfect - so am I - but I look forward to next week and going to Florida and seeing my parents, my brother, my sister and her family, and spending time with them and seeing "home" once again...

There might be some arguments and fights, but it's never mean and never without the knowledge that we love and support one another - even though, as the OP states, "my family really knows nothing about me."

As that famous quote states, "home is where, when you go there, they have to take you in."

[daveT]

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From my own observations, families seem to drift apart and come back together later in life. It is only natural that you would like to know the people that built your foundation...........


I don't understand relationships, family, and stability,

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There might be some arguments and fights, but it's never mean and never without the knowledge that we love and support one another - even though, as the OP states, "my family really knows nothing about me."



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This quote is far beyond my comprehension, though I have heard it before.

I know a girl..... edit........ and I tell her all the time that her family is........edit.........and that there is no need to know them, yet she still calls, goes back, and takes all the abuse.

It is one anecdote, and I wouldn't suggest that this is common. I only wanted to write it so that you know that I see family as a powerful bond, and am amazed at how powerful it is.