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#21
08-24-2007, 06:23 PM
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Re: Marriage: One unfaithfulness exception, or none?
[ QUOTE ]
While 75 per cent of men are found to be involved in extramarital affairs, 25 per cent of women have relationship with men outside the purview of marriage. [/ QUOTE ] Bull. There is no way that number is true. It's written as if 3 out of 4 men who are married cheat. No way. 
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#22
08-24-2007, 07:28 PM
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Re: Marriage: One unfaithfulness exception, or none?
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] While 75 per cent of men are found to be involved in extramarital affairs, 25 per cent of women have relationship with men outside the purview of marriage. [/ QUOTE ] Bull. There is no way that number is true. It's written as if 3 out of 4 men who are married cheat. No way. [/ QUOTE ] Ya, I know. I didn't intend to include those middle two paragraphs. I copied and pasted from a website that I later deemed unreliable. I thought I had deleted that info from my post but apparently not. Please disregard. The 1st and 4th paragraphs are fine.
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#23
08-24-2007, 07:53 PM
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Re: Marriage: One unfaithfulness exception, or none?
[ QUOTE ]
How damaging is it for someone to have an affair? Does this change if there are children? Is it automatically divorce if that happens? What would be any mitigating circumstances? [/ QUOTE ] Auto-divorce for me. There isn't a big enough boot to fit on my foot that puts her out to the curb. If you're both healthy and know each other are alive, there aren't any mitigating circumstances. [ QUOTE ] I am thinking of saying that we each get one chance, and after that it's instant split. Is this good? [/ QUOTE ] I hear that's always a great foundation to build on. She'll probably wonder who you have in mind. [ QUOTE ] I know that wanting to have an affair is a very human thing, and is natural. We have to resist the temptation, but it can be hard for some people. Any advice? [/ QUOTE ] It's human to desire it. It's immature to act on it. If someone can't handle that, they shouldn't be getting married. [ QUOTE ] I am sure that I can bring this up with her without causing problems, our relationship is good. [/ QUOTE ] I'd love to hear the follow-up on this conversation. At least you have a 'few years' to get your head on str8 and understand what being married and making a committment to someone really means. There's a reason 60+% marriages fail. b b
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#24
08-24-2007, 09:30 PM
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Re: Marriage: One unfaithfulness exception, or none?
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] While 75 per cent of men are found to be involved in extramarital affairs, 25 per cent of women have relationship with men outside the purview of marriage. [/ QUOTE ] Bull. There is no way that number is true. It's written as if 3 out of 4 men who are married cheat. No way. [/ QUOTE ] Ya, I know. I didn't intend to include those middle two paragraphs. I copied and pasted from a website that I later deemed unreliable. I thought I had deleted that info from my post but apparently not. Please disregard. The 1st and 4th paragraphs are fine. [/ QUOTE ] Umm.. It's all from the same website right? If the middle part is so incredibly wrong I, for one, certainly do not believe the rest of what is written either.
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#25
08-24-2007, 10:24 PM
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Re: Marriage: One unfaithfulness exception, or none?
i might be able to deal w/it once, but twice or more is out of the question.
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#26
08-24-2007, 11:49 PM
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Re: Marriage: One unfaithfulness exception, or none?
Ugh. I know these things happen frequently nowadays (affairs that is) but I think one should go into a marriage without every worrying about this. You shouldn't marry someone who you think would be capable of this. The fact that you'd like to clear up consequences and whatnot already means either you don't trust her completely, or you don't trust yourself. Either one means you're probably not ready to get married.
Also, I don't think I could stay married to someone who betrayed me like that. I could get past a drunken makeout if she showed real regret and it was clear to me that she meant it, but anything beyond that would break my heart.
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#27
08-25-2007, 12:38 AM
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Re: Marriage: One unfaithfulness exception, or none?
[ QUOTE ]
Hey guys. In the coming few years, I may marry with my girlfriend. She is really nice. One thing I am thinking of is, say, after we are married, one of us has an affair. At this point, it looks extremely unlikely, but after reading some threads elsewhere I thought that I should better plan out my flowchart. How damaging is it for someone to have an affair? Does this change if there are children? Is it automatically divorce if that happens? What would be any mitigating circumstances? I am thinking of saying that we each get one chance, and after that it's instant split. Is this good? Will the marriage survive if an affair is had and discovered? Would it be better to have no chances instead? I know that wanting to have an affair is a very human thing, and is natural. We have to resist the temptation, but it can be hard for some people. Any advice? I am sure that I can bring this up with her without causing problems, our relationship is good. [/ QUOTE ] I will pre-empt with: I did not read your post. Marriage is ridiculous. We are such stupid beings. We live for such a short amount of time and think we are so totlaly awesome that we can create a bond with someone that will last forever. Wake up you idiots. Your bond is crap. Your bond is good for however long it's good for and that's it. If there is a God he is a car saleman being like "oh, you get a totally sweet warranty on your marriage." But you know what, that warranty lasts like 2 days. Then it's over and you're like...this marriage sucks. Be happy for however long you're happy for, then when you're no longer happy move on. That's my advice and it's the best damn advice you're getting.
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#29
08-25-2007, 01:56 AM
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Re: Marriage: One unfaithfulness exception, or none?
to the OP
Its all different for everyone how they react to infidelity. Women seem to take it a bit better than men (just in general) as I said, all people are different. I used to think that being a good husband was easy.... just dont cheat... (got divorced from her, but still never cheated) Now I have been married again... going on 8 years, with 2 kids, and though I KNOW my wife would never cheat, I really think at this point, we could get thru it if she did. If i did the cheating, I also think we could get thru it. So I guess the bottom line is... you may or may not make it thru,.... no I dont think a one time pass is a good idea, but as the relationship grows, things change, and people change, and opinions and attitudes change, so there is no correct answer we can give you. Some couples have open relationships and are very happy, some are 101% dedicated, yet they detest each other. Which is better? That depends on you and her. pokerbobo has spoken One more thing to add.... the more time you have invested in the relationship, the likelier infidelity will be forgiven. It is easy to dump a 2-3 year boy/girlfriend.... put 8-12 or 20-25 years in, and it becomes a different situation.
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#30
08-25-2007, 02:03 AM
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Re: Marriage: One unfaithfulness exception, or none?
I disagree with several posters who say that my thinking about this possibility is a bad sign for marriage success. I think it would be more likely to succeed, because marriages that are based only on passion find it difficult to surmount obstacles later - keeping a level head may not be the best thing in terms of "I love you for ever and ever baby [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]" but probably it's better in the long term. People who dismiss or ignore difficulties are less prepared to deal with them.
Agree or disagree?
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