Old College Roomate Sends Wierd Apology Letter...What Now???

[surfinillini]

my first post in the dorm:

Quick backstory...

Freshman year @ Illinois I lived in the dorms. I moved across the country and got paired up with this total douche and we used to get into a lot. Most of the arguments/fights were instigated by him but I tried to be cordial and work things out. This kid would not budge and at one point I popped off and broke some of his $hit and instigated a brawl. He also started a rumor that I [censored] this one girls girlfriend which wasn't true obviously but I ended up having to fight him too. Well, we never speak since then (I only saw him once after freshman year, he became a recluse and I never saw him at one bar, one party, one football or basketball game, on the quad, but then again Illinois had 30,000 people but we were bound to run into each other more)...Anyway, I just brushed it off as bad luck/bad experience and moved on...today I get this absolutely bizarre letter in the mail. It's long and I typed it out so I put it below but the cliffnotes is that he says that he apologizes for being a jerk and stuff and wants me to know he feels bad...

Long Letter:

Jeff,

Hey man.I bet you didn't expect to ever hear from me again. It's _____, the freshman dormroom-mate from hell. This is something that has bothered me for years and came to a head when I went back and thought of freshman year. I was a jerk. I was a terrible person in general at that time in my life and the regret I feel from the people I hurt is something that I need to live with. I know we never got along well and I'm sure both of use are to blame to a certain extent, though I clearly was the instigator in many instances. The truly unfortunate thing is, in retrospect, I think we could have become good friends. I never disliked you at any point, even at the end when you trashed my stuff (smiley face in letter). I guess I knew I deserved it. We were put into a really hard situation ina room. Everyone warned me going in that there is always those arrangements and in my desperation not to become an outcast I acted in a horrible fashion. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to move across country not knowing a many people and try to establish an identity. Thats something that I would not have been able to do and I applaud you for that. In spite of the remorse I feel for my behavior, I hope some positivity emerged. I'm sure our situation encouraged you to join the frat and you probably had more fun and met more cool people and hooked up with more girls that I ever have could in two college experiences. Perhaps this is just wishful thinking on my part, but hopefully having me as a [censored] roomate helped you in some way in the long run. I haven't found Jesus and I'm not specifically trying to get myself off your Billy Madison "people to kill" list. From one human being to another I want you to know I'm sorry for any trouble I caused you. I don't know if this letter will reach you (I had to find your address in the alumni records) but I really hope it does. I don't know if you have the time, but an email from you just to verify whether you got this would be appreciated along with a cell# that I could reach you at as I have a few more unresolved issues I'd like to sort out. I promise I won't take more than 5 minutes of your time. Well, until we speak again take care Jeff.

Email: his email addres


-----------Letter Over-----------------



So what's my play. Should I even respond to this guy? Should I respond and really give it to him? Random advice would be helpful...

(x-posted in "OOT"...I feel it applies to both forums)

[smurfitup]

the guy seems genuinely contrite. just give him a call and see what's up. i definitely think it would be a dick move to "really give it to him" when he obviously made an effort to reach out to you and apologize.

[tabako]

How many years has it been?

Does "respond and really give it to him" basically mean you are going bithc him out? If this is the case, I feel this that response would be totally inappropriate. Either ignore the letter or respond telling him how you are glad he has matured, etc.

[Dan R]

If I were you I would probably send an email, and say "I accept your apology". There is no point in really giving it to him, he realizes he was a jerk. I don't know if I would give him my phone number, I would probably tell him he can email me if he has more questions or issues. If your accepting his apology sets him at ease, and makes him a better person its worth it, and you will be a better person for it too.

When I was in middle school I constantly got in fist fights with this one kid, and throughout H.S. he would poke fun at me regularly. Although I never showed it in my personality, I hated the kid. I saw him at a party when I was back in town during Christmas break two years ago, and he apologized to me for how he acted back then. I just said don't worry about it, I don't care, your forgiven. A lot of people in high school or early college are complete jerks, and after growing up a bit are different people.

[surfinillini]

[ QUOTE ]
How many years has it been?

Does "respond and really give it to him" basically mean you are going bithc him out? If this is the case, I feel this that response would be totally inappropriate. Either ignore the letter or respond telling him how you are glad he has matured, etc.

[/ QUOTE ]

"give it to him" would just me telling him he was a dick and that it doesn't seem he;s changed as he bascially says that him being a dick was a positive thing for me (wtf?)

it has been a little over 6 YEARS

[cardsharkk04]

Put on your lipstick and cross his name off the list

[higher_energy]

dont say i accept your apology

he seems sincere and very concerned about what he has done. also, from your background it seems as though he is kind of an outcast at school. granted it is a very big school and he might be in a different "group" but personally, i feel kind of worried.
he might be feeling very bad and have no friends. if you can you should call him and go for a cup of coffee or lunch. perhaps he needs someone to talk to....

[qdmcg]

wow write him an email back saying its cool, the guy is obviously feeling pretty bad about something considering he sent you an email out of the blue a long time post college

[Dave D]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
How many years has it been?

Does "respond and really give it to him" basically mean you are going bithc him out? If this is the case, I feel this that response would be totally inappropriate. Either ignore the letter or respond telling him how you are glad he has matured, etc.

[/ QUOTE ]

"give it to him" would just me telling him he was a dick and that it doesn't seem he;s changed as he bascially says that him being a dick was a positive thing for me (wtf?)

it has been a little over 6 YEARS

[/ QUOTE ]

No, he said he hoped that the way he was made you do things you wouldn't have otherwise and thus you gained. Ie if someone steals your gf and it forces you to go out and find another, hotter, chick, you gain.

If you seriously bitch him out, YSSCKY.

[surfinillini]

[ QUOTE ]
dont say i accept your apology

he seems sincere and very concerned about what he has done. also, from your background it seems as though he is kind of an outcast at school. granted it is a very big school and he might be in a different "group" but personally, i feel kind of worried.
he might be feeling very bad and have no friends. if you can you should call him and go for a cup of coffee or lunch. perhaps he needs someone to talk to....

[/ QUOTE ]

he lives 1/2 way across the country making this geographically impossible.

[ QUOTE ]

If you seriously bitch him out, YSSCKY.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. I'm a 100% different person than I was 6 years ago. I was loud, boisterous and obnoxious but also very socially grounded and intelligent. I kept the latter and have become much more humble and reserved over the years which I feel is a good thing.