Child Raising - Discipline issues

[youtalkfunny]

I'm 40. I was hit plenty, but can't name a single incident where I didn't deserve it.

The worst part of my childhood is that all the hitting led to lying. I didn't want to get hit, so I denied everything, every time. Stepping up and accepting responsibility did nothing towards getting a lighter punishment, and getting caught in the lie did nothing to increase the punishment. I lied non-stop.

I even started lying about trivial things. Lying became my way of life.

Now I'm older. I hate lying and liars. I hate lying liars.

My kids are now 10, 9, and 8. There is almost no hitting. We talk about hitting a lot. The threat is always there, and they know that it's not an empty threat.

But the belt only comes out for two offenses: blatant disrespect, or lying. In either case, the child is given verbal warnings to fix the problem before the belt comes out (because I really don't want to hit the kids). I'd estimate that the belt comes out less than once a year.

When they were in diapers, light hand-slapping or spanking was more common. Once the boundaries were established (and respected), the hitting quickly became unnecessary.

It is very, very important to note that although hitting is a crucial part of my child-rearing plan, it is an extremely SMALL part of it. It is one tool in the toolbox. It's the tool at the bottom of the box, the one you almost never use--but when it's needed, it's invaluable.

My standard disclaimer in all my parenting posts: Yeah, my kids are thriving, and I deserve much of the credit for that...but they're not teens yet. The true test of my so-called expertise still lies ahead. Right now, I'm the best hitter in the minor leagues--but I've yet to face big league heat.

(I wonder if there's something Freudian about choosing the word "hitter" to describe my parenting skills.)

[goofball]

[ QUOTE ]
AZK,

I was never hit. Mainly just given huge guilt trips.

[/ QUOTE ]

[Howard Treesong]

[ QUOTE ]
AZK,

I was never hit. Mainly just given huge guilt trips.

[/ QUOTE ]

And it shows, you effing dinner leech. Perhaps if your parents had swatted you a couple of times, you'd have learned to pay your fair share.

[astroglide]

[ QUOTE ]
I will try not to spank my daughter, mostly because I would probably be doing it out of anger instead of as a teaching point.

[/ QUOTE ]

thinking about things in that way seems like a really good idea.

[ChicagoTroy]

My mom slapped me once or twice for doing something really dangerous and I think it was just instinct/fear on her part that I was doing something dumb enough to get really hurt. Never from pop. Short of legit beatings, nobody is getting injured in most of these scenarios and being shocked, shocked! is completely silly.

I know a couple disciplinarian nannies in England who are HUGE on the "time out" thing over corporal punishment. They think it's the great American Contribution to Child Rearing or something. You slap a kid, and he's briefly shocked, not hurt, and that's about it. You bore the [censored] out of him for 15 minutes and it feels like an eternity, and can be used far more liberally.

[beanie]

I was spanked when I was a kid. Eventually you get desensitized to it. I don't really feel I was too negatively affected by it but I don't believe in it for my parenting skills. As I got to be a teen my dad and I came to blows more than once.

Thing about it is I thought then as I do now that my dad was having a bad day and it was sort of his release. Being a father now it is very frustrating, particularly right around dinner time, and a lot of patience is required.

I would feel foolish if I could think myself out of how to beat Ace King and couldn't give some thought to not hitting my child. I think it is a short cut to actual parenting and could potentially have bad affects. It didn't in my case or yours but it would seem it could in others.

[NoahSD]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
My friends are floored. They cannot believe my parents raised me this way

[/ QUOTE ]

a shock response really blows my mind, and i have to think that these people are out of touch. people still hit their kids.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've learned that a few of my close friends were hit when they were little, and every time it shocked me.

I wasn't shocked because of the fact that parents hit their children, I was shocked because kids who I think turned out really well were hit when they were little.

I guess this is probably just because my parents told me a ton of times when I was little that hitting kids is wrong, and it's not a subject that comes up often enough for me to have really come to my own conclusion.

So I don't really have an opinion on the issue, I just have a gut reaction that it's a bad thing. I imagine a lot of other people are the same way.

[astroglide]

[ QUOTE ]
I wasn't shocked because of the fact that parents hit their children, I was shocked because kids who I think turned out really well were hit when they were little.

[/ QUOTE ]

i would wager that a huge majority of baby boomers were hit by their parents. have you considered how many of them turned out really well?

[imozyslow]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I wasn't shocked because of the fact that parents hit their children, I was shocked because kids who I think turned out really well were hit when they were little.

[/ QUOTE ]

i would wager that a huge majority of baby boomers were hit by their parents. have you considered how many of them turned out really well?

[/ QUOTE ]

i agree.

it really wasn't that long ago when it was basically "ok" to reach across the table and smack your wife. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[miajag]

[ QUOTE ]

I was shocked because kids who I think turned out really well were hit when they were little.


[/ QUOTE ]

That's ridiculous. We're not talking about daily brutal beatings here, just occasional slaps/spankings when the kid is really out of line. I highly doubt that alone would ever cause a kid to not "turn out really well" if he would have otherwise.