For fathers: remember when you first became a daddy?

[Mrs. Utah]

I love this thread-(sorry for imposing on a father's thread)

I am a labor and delivery nurse and it is very cool to hear daddy's perspective. I have spent a lot of times with laboring moms and dads, and its very important to me to have my dads involved.
Some are very hands on-asking lots of questions, others are completely overwhelmed and need a bit more guidance, and I have had a few be completely indifferent.

Most of the time the docs are not there until we call them-I usually take a mom to crowning before I call a doctor(given the baby is tolerating labor)-this is not uncommon.

For those of you awaiting your first, people love to share the horror stories-most deliveries go without a hitch.
Be prepared, virtually all babies come out blue-not always crying vigarously-it can take time to transition, clear fluid from their lungs-sometimes we(nurses) have to give oxygen, deep suction the airway or resuscitate a baby.

As far as the nursing aspect of it-they should always be telling you what they are doing and why-also telling you what you can expect as labor progresses-what we are looking at on the monitors, why they are predictable changes in the baby's heart rate...etc.
Ask questions, even if you have taken the classes-its always a bit different when you are there.


Chip-if you and your wife are planning a repeat section-it will seem far less chaotic. You will still most likey have to wait for her to be prepped-trust me most women don't like having their spouse/sig other watch the prep.

[Los Feliz Slim]

My wife's pregnancy happened under close supervision, for various reasons. Her OB and parinatologist decided it was time to induce about a week shy of the actual due date because the baby was obviously big enough and they didn't want her to go through unsupervised labor. So, we show up at the hospital at 11AM on a Tuesday, having already pre-registered. It was like checking into a hotel.

We spent the next 24 hours in the pre-labor room, and nothing happened. "Failure to progress", they call it. It was C-section time.

My wife started getting REALLY scared when they put the epidural in. By the time we were in the operating room, she had entered a zen state where she was just basically pretending none of this was happening. So she was pretty quiet.

While they're opening her up, they cauterize as they go, so as they performed the C-section there's an occasional burning smell. Other than that, not much was going on. At some point, the doctor says "OK, Daddy, stand up" and I look over the screen. I couldn't believe how small the incision was - I thought they basically split the woman open, but it's really only a ten-inch or so incision, and lower than I'd imagined. There was an absolutely incredible amount of fluid collected, and the doctor had his hands inside the incision. The next thing I know, he's holding a baby up in the air, still attached to my wife by the umbilical cord.

They bring my daughter over to a warming table and start cleaning her up. When a baby is born naturally, the squeezing that occurs forces the fluid out of the baby's lungs; in a C-section they have to suction it out. After they do, one of the nurses says "I'd sure like to get a good cry out of this baby", and I realize she's been gurgling, but not really screaming. About two seconds after that it was like my daughter woke up, and she was PISSED. The nurses immediately were like "Ok, we're done here" and moved on to the adjacent OR to work on their next victim. They bundled my daughter up, I brought her over to my wife (who was still basically catatonic), and off we went to the nursery.

After getting bathed and again expressing her anger at being removed from her home, they finaly bundled my little girl up and gave her to me. We were in the "overflow" nursery at Cedars, so I had a lot of privacy. My feelings at that moment are just like DB's - she seemed to know that I was going to take care of her, and I would've fought a thousand armies to protect her. My wife was in recovery for a really long time, four hours or so, so I spent all that time holding my baby and talking and singing to her in a rocking chair.

[maryfield48]

Ten days after my wife's due date, the doc decided to induce labour. She goes in to the hospital at 7am, and after 12 hours of labour produces insufficient dilation, they finally decide it's not happening and do the C-section. During that long, long, day, I sincerely wished that we'd never decided to have a child. It's not easy holding your wife's hand through such a long ordeal, seeing her in pain and feeling completely useless.

Once they took her to the theatre, I went through one of those out-of-body experiences. It was like I was looking down at this scene, I had no concept of what I was supposed to be feeling.

Half an hour or so later, I was the bewildered father of a healthy girl. For months after I could be heard saying that nothing that complicated should come without an instruction manual.

[4_2_it]

My oldest is 12 years old. My wife labored from 10PM all through teh night until 9AM the following morning without any painkillers. I watched the whole thing and cut teh umbilical cord (the scissors looked like the ones used to cut the ribbon at supermarket grand openings).

I can still remember it like it was yesterday. Thanks for letting me recall it.

One funny note. My second child had to be induced. Right as my wife is getting ready to push, we hear the women in the next delivery room over puking her guts out. So as my wife is trying to push, all you hear is the sounds of this woman's breakfast making a return visit.

[belgianbeerlover]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't know if many new fathers get something like this. I think each guy is probably completely different in how he reacts.

[/ QUOTE ]

I got these feelings also.

I have two children and I remember each birth very well. Overall, everything went great. There were nervous moments, but all was good.

I cried like a baby at each birth. I was completely overcome with all sorts of happy emotions. It absolutely blew my mind. I never in a million years saw those emotions coming. I was so proud of wife and happy to see our new baby. I couldn't think of the last time I cried before that. My oldest is almost three, and I still get teary eyed just thinking about it.

[Shooternewt]

Two kids, the first regular delivery, second was c-section. Both types of delivery are interesting in their own ways.

The good c-section story: I was in the operating room behind the curtain talking to my wife (curtain on midsection so wife cannot see herself being cut open). Her doctor, the one cutting her open, is talking to her assistant about where she is going that evening. She is going to her 3 year old daughter's friend's birthday party at Chucky Cheese.

This started a 3 way debate between me, the doctor and her assistant about which is better, Mr. Cheese or Peter Piper Pizza. We all agreed on PPP because they serve beer. My wife's reaction to this coversation was one of complete beliderment.

The conversation ended when daughter #2 appeared and I got a great sight of things that should not be decribed. Good times.

[FishNChips]

Awesome thread! Thanks DB for starting it...

have 2nd due in Late July / Early August.

First was a scheduled C-section. Little girl was in the breach position and never turned over. Sonogram pics show her using the placenta as a pillow. Apparently she just got comfy and didn't want to move.

It was a bit surreal to have a scheduled delivery. We got up, went to the hospital and 4 hours later we had a baby.

The delivery was smooth. Things I vividly remember :
Took my wife into surgery and I waited in a hallway just outside the OR while they prepped her. I was all alone and I remember just praying - for my wife, for my daughter, for wisdom as a dad.

Anaesthesiologist had a crossword at his station and I heard him working on it.

Delivery room nurse saying "she's going to be tall, look how long her fingers/toes are" and me thinking "come on, you can't tell that." (she's 95th percentile height for her age - I guess you can tell that)

My bonding was the next day : my wife did a lot of sleeping to recover from the surgery. So I held my daughter, changed her diapers, sang to her (poor thing). I vividly recall sitting with her tucked up in my arms, watching the first Sunday's games of the 2004 NFL season.

excited to meet #2!

~FishNChips

[SuitedSixes]

My wife must have been about 3 months pregnant when she started running a high fever so we went to the hospital and they ran some tests and decided they needed to run an ultrasound to check on the baby. For some reason the person who administers the thing couldn't say anything about what she did or didn't find.

I just remember waiting in the room for the doctor to come in and being amazed how I could love and care for someone so much that was not even born yet. Everything was fine and I have never felt such relief.

September 11, 2001:
We were in the waiting room for our first real ultrasound appointment watching CNN. Both of the towers were still standing, but you could see people jumping out of the smoking buildings.

They called us back and we saw the grainy display of the heart beat and found out that she was going to be a girl. While others look back on what was, collectively, the worst day in the history of our country I remember the undescribable joy that I felt when I saw her beating heart. She has continued to have the ability to make bad days better for me ever since.

February 24, 2002:
My wife wasn't due for another two weeks, but she was getting (more) pissed (than usual) and wanted to get out of the house. The PGA golf tournament was in town so we walked the front nine there, went to Chili's for molten chocolate cake, and went home to watch the end of closing cermonies of the Olympics.

February 25, 2002:
I was supposed to go to work at 5:00 AM, but my wife woke me up at 3:30 thinking she was having contractions. I timed them for awhile and she decided she needed to go to the hospital. On the way over, she realized she hadn't bought any of the things that she was supposed to (robe, slippers, etc.) so we stopped at Wal-Mart. We get all the things we are supposed to and go to check out. Some guy is buying golf clubs at 4:30 in the morning and they can't find the price so we wait behind him for about ten minutes.

We get to the hospital and they check my wife out. They decide that nothing is going to happen for 24-48 hours and send us home. My wife swears that it is happening now, but they tell use to go home. We get home by about 7:00. We go back to sleep, but my wife has me timing the contractions so I am literally, sleeping in 10 minute intervals. It gets down to 5-8 minutes so we head back to the hospital.

It is indeed happening. I sleep on and off through the rest of the morning. I call her friends because she was supposed to have a baby shower that night. The guy who gives the epederal is my new best friend.

About 2:00 in the afternoon the head starts to come out so they rush to find the doctor. He makes it in in time. He asked me if I wanted to cut the cord, and I told him that was what I paid him for. He made me do it anyway.

When she was out they handed her to me and I remember saying, "Hello Kianna, I'm your daddy. It's nice to meet you."

I remember being torn between paying attention to my wife who kept telling me to go check on the baby. I took a bunch of digital pictures to post on the internet for family and friends, including a nice one of my wife's junk that I didn't realize was my wife's junk until it had been up for a few hours.

My wife specifically said that she didn't want anyone else there and no video cameras, so of course, my aunt and uncle show up univited with a video camera.

I just remember being wiped out by the whole thing and just wanting to sleep. I didn't buy flowers for my wife, which I have since learned is important. And I was scared to death of the little kid. I was just sure I was going to break her somehow.

THE END

[WDC]

I can remeber mine. WE had just closed on a house with the baby 3 weeks away. My wife goes to her doctor's appointment when it is decided that because of her high blood pressure and gestational diabetes that they are going to induce the baby early. Since I am unavailable, they decide to ambulance her to the hospital. When I get home there is a message that she is in the hospital and will be induuced in the morning. I give her a call and we decide that before I come see her that I must go buy a criba and other baby furniture and set up the nursury sop that is what I do (taking time out to watch the eighth inning of Ken Burn's baseball documentary because I have yet to miss an episode). Worked all night and got the nursurty set up.


After a short nap, I go to the hospital. They are just about ready to give my wife the inducing med and break her water. We go throgh the labor stuff and because of the hifgh blood pressure they will not let her do all this avant gaurde birthing technique business that she learned. They made her stay on her back and wait.

Later that afternoon her entire family arrived and they all wanted to be in the room for the delivery. Finally we decided that her sister could come in but, at my wife's insistence, I kept the others out.

Anyway, we progress into early ebvening and the ninth inning of Ken Burns baseball documentary is just about to come on when the baby decides he would like to watch. Long story short I missed the last show and I have never seen it yet. But on with the story, the little tyke comes out and they throw his tiny arse in an incubator and take him almost immediately to baby intensive care. They say as a precaution and I can go see him in 15 minutes.

I hang out with my wife for a little while when my mother-in-law barges in and starts yelling at everyone aboiut something. I get into my second real fiight with her when I tell her to leave ( the first was when I told her I would not cross a picket line so she could have the wedding reception at some cheaper hotel).

After about 10 minutes I go up to baby intensive care to see my son but he is not there. The lady at the desk doesn't know anything about him being sent up and I strat freaking out some. I go back down to my wife and there she is holding the baby. Apparently they decided he was healthy and didn't need observation on the way up to intensive care and brought him right back down. Ok, alls well.

The first time I remeber bonding with my son was later that night. I heard a baby crying in the hallway and knew instantly that it was him. They were bringing him down for a feeding. I stepped into the hallway and walked up to the nurse and took him from her. He stopped crying right away. Of course i started to cry because I figured one of us should be.

[I.Rowboat]

I remember the births of both of our children quite vividly.

For the first, my wife had just begun her maternity leave, and the baby wasn't due for a few more weeks. It was 7pm and I was doing some work to my truck (long time project vehicle and money pit). I had rented an engine hoist to pull the motor, had a bazillion tools and parts spread out and had just finished removing the cylinder head; my arms and clothes were covered in grease when my wife came down stairs and said in a very quiet voice that her water had broken. My stomach jumped several feet upwards and to the left, and then I quickly stuffed tools, parts, and an engine hoist back into the garage, hurriedly got cleaned up, stuffed some clothes into an overnight bag, and drove us to the hospital. One funny story from the hospital: My wife had been consistent throughout the pregnancy that she wanted a natural childbirth, and did not want any drugs or an epidural. Once we got the hospital and the labor pains began in earnest, she reconsidered this decision, first agreeing to fentanyl and later to an epidural. When the anesthesiologist finally arrived, it turned out he was a classmate of hers from college, which was weird because she went to a small school (Swarthmore), on the opposite side of the country, and not a classic pre-med school. It was funny because it was so incongruous -- she's already almost hallucinating from the pain and the baby that's trying to get out, and here's this guy who's simultaneously putting an IV in her spine and asking her how people she hasn't seen in 10 years are doing. Very surreal.

The total labor took 12 hours, which is pretty quick for a first child. I was at her side and watched the delivery, which was fascinating, although my wife was squezing my fingers so hard i was worried she might break one of them, lol. Happily, our son was born healthy. The next few days are a blur, but my most vivid memory is when when we went home 48 hours later, carrying our sleeping son up the stairs, in his car seat, into our home, setting him down on the floor, and then my wife and I turning to each other and each having this feeling of, "Oh, [censored], what now? what have we gotten ourselves into??" LOL...that was five years ago, and we've come a long way since then, although I just spent the weekend with my brother, who had his first child 10 weeks ago, and it brought back a flood of memories.

The birth of our daughter was much quicker and much less traumatic -- labor lasted only a couple of hours, and we both had some idea of what to expect for the ensuing days/weeks/months.

It's been a surprise how different our daughter is from our son -- while our son is very sanguine, our daughter is much more opinionated and hot tempered. She really keeps us on our toes! I quickly bonded with our son, but I had a very hard time bonding with our daughter during the first year, as she was colicky and only wanted the attention of her mother. Since she turned one in August she mellowed a bit and has blossomed into a delightful, mischevious little girl who has her daddy wrapped around her finger. But boy, is she going to be trouble when she gets older!

I love both of my kids and couldn't imagine life without them.