Facebook etiquette question

luckyjimm · #1 05-31-2007, 07:42 AM

I'm on Facebook but only have around 10 friends connected to my profile, all of them current friends. I just had an 'add' request from a girl I went to school with. I've seen her no more than a half dozen times in the last ten years, I don't remember any specific occasion but around Christmas in the pub in the town I went to school. I can't remember any conversations with her, though they must have happened. We were never friends, though her mother worked as a teacher alongside my mother at another school, and I had a pleasant conversation with her brother about four years ago.

I want to turn down her 'add' request. She'll have seen my profile on the page of my oldest friend who she's in touch with. I don't buy into this idea of linking to every single person you ever met even if you're not friends and no longer in touch. Why should she be able to see into my life (and I into hers?).

Can I just turn down her request, or would that be a ridiculous slight? Should I just accept the add, and realise the whole thing doesn't matter a nickel?

captZEEbo · #2 05-31-2007, 07:50 AM

why burn bridges? Just accept everyone and let the good times roll!

I assume you aren't putting TOO personal of stuff on your facebook. I put the stuff I wouldn't mind telling old acquaintances if I bumped into them on the street.

adsman · #3 05-31-2007, 07:51 AM

This situation is one of the reasons that I refuse to jump on the facebook/myspace etc bandwagon.

[ QUOTE ]
Why should she be able to see into my life (and I into hers?).

[/ QUOTE ]

Forgive my ignorance, but isn't this the precise reason that you post your details and pictures on the net in such websites?

luckyjimm · #4 05-31-2007, 08:30 AM

[ QUOTE ]
why burn bridges? Just accept everyone and let the good times roll!

I assume you aren't putting TOO personal of stuff on your facebook. I put the stuff I wouldn't mind telling old acquaintances if I bumped into them on the street.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmmm yeah, but there are no bridges: I am in touch with just two people from my schooldays, two good friends, and I'd like to keep it that way.

What these sites do is construct a permanent present where you're still connected / able to contact / spy on all the people you've ever known. You are shown as the sum of your past. Before such sites existed, you would lose touch with people and that was that, they would no longer have any connection with you. I feel uneasy about this change.

Shadowrun · #5 05-31-2007, 08:45 AM

Since your using facebook not to be a person with 59,000 friends or whatever, i would say refuse her (ive done it plenty of times)

basically, your using facebook to keep in touch with much closer friends than her, therefore reject her.

luckyjimm · #6 05-31-2007, 08:52 AM

Oh er also, one of the ten people I'm linked to on Facebook is a formerly well-known British top-shelf model who'll be familiar to anyone who read Club / Men Only four-five years ago; although she's now retired and her profile has no pictures and is all about her new life, if anyone Googled her name they'd soon find out who she is! I know her since I was very involved in a fansite / message board for her, and she discovered it and started posting, and we got to meet in real life. It would feel weird having her alongside some random person from school whose nosey mother once worked alongside mine.

captZEEbo · #7 05-31-2007, 09:14 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
why burn bridges? Just accept everyone and let the good times roll!

I assume you aren't putting TOO personal of stuff on your facebook. I put the stuff I wouldn't mind telling old acquaintances if I bumped into them on the street.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmmm yeah, but there are no bridges: I am in touch with just two people from my schooldays, two good friends, and I'd like to keep it that way.

What these sites do is construct a permanent present where you're still connected / able to contact / spy on all the people you've ever known. You are shown as the sum of your past. Before such sites existed, you would lose touch with people and that was that, they would no longer have any connection with you. I feel uneasy about this change.

[/ QUOTE ]then you probably don't need facebook to keep in touch with 4 people lol. You can probably just do that via email.

En Passant · #8 05-31-2007, 09:15 AM

Dude, just add her. This is facebook...

solids · #9 05-31-2007, 09:22 AM

Meh. I would likely just add her and forget about it.

But if you really don't want her as a 'friend', just refuse her. If she's going around adding friends she semi-knew 10 years ago, she'll likely not even notice that you turn her down. She sounds like the standard "I need 50,000 friends on facebook to raise my self esteem" type of girl. So lame.

captZEEbo · #10 05-31-2007, 09:32 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Meh. I would likely just add her and forget about it.

But if you really don't want her as a 'friend', just refuse her. If she's going around adding friends she semi-knew 10 years ago, she'll likely not even notice that you turn her down. She sounds like the standard "I need 50,000 friends on facebook to raise my self esteem" type of girl. So lame.

[/ QUOTE ]I don't add friends to improve my self esteem (as I assume most others don't), I add friends so that each other can get a minor life updates. She obviously is somewhat interested in what you are doing and what's the big deal if you tell her?