jokes you've made IRL that flopped

[Peter Harris]

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"What did the deaf dumb blind kid get for christmas? He doesn't know"

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Speach to text software

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there's only so many interpretations of "hnnnggngngngngngng" the software can manage.

I know, cruel.

[Jazzy3113]

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It was a pub quiz at my university. 30 teams or so, and a lot of people hanging round the bar. About 200 people total. Me and my friends team drew for 3rd place or something, so one person from each team had to go up and say a joke. So my friends nominated me and I went up.

The other guy from the other team told his joke, something rubbish about the american military, there were a lot of laughs from the audience, a good atmosphere.

Then I told my joke

"What did the deaf dumb blind kid get for christmas? He doesn't know"

Very un pc, in retrospect it was a bad move to make infront of so many people, I said the punchline, and then realised I everyone was just staring at me, no one laughing except I could see my friends on the table in the corner of my eye pissing themselves quietly, it was the funniest thing they ever saw.

There was this girl in a wheel chair directly infront of me, the joke had nothing to do with her but I felt ashamed because she was staring at me shaking her head.

Probably one of the most embarassing things I've ever done.

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I just laughed soo loud at work imagining everyone staring at you.

[TonyDanza]

Around the time El Diablo started the "psyche high-five" thread I thought it would be funny to pull the move on my girlfriend's mom. I don't remember the exact setting but it was pretty much set up for her to give me a high-five.. she reaches out to slap me 5 and I pull back and say "psyche." She did not find it funny at all, didn't think I was joking and just thought I was being mean. She is a very nice woman, who I am sure never experienced the psyche high-5 before. My girlfriend, (now ex) told me that her mom was hurt by the gesture and couldn't understand why I would try to embarrass her. In retrospect, it wasn't even funny, but I was surprised she took it so personally. I had known her for a few years at the time and she already knew I was a clown.

[skunkworks]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh even reading that makes me feel uncomfortable.

[Jack Bando]

Me at age 10:I was reading my aunt's code badge (hospital codes, code red=fire, etc...) and asked where code plaid or turquoise was. Got nothing.

Coworker was told to respect his elders and he said the last time he did that he was in stuck in a 19th century village in the 21st century. I thought it was funny due to it's esoteric quality.

While passing a church that had a sign that said "28000 abortions a week" I turned to my friend and said it was horrible that church performed that many abortions a week.

[Astyanax]

Gullanian that is just brilliant..I think the real answer is cancer but it is a shocking joke and cannot believe you'd tell it to a room full of strangers!

[Your Mom]

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While in my criminology class, the teacher asked why our city had such high gun deaths, he looked at me and i pointed to myself and mouthed "ME"
HE did not find it amusing

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I think this is gold.

[DavidC]

My friend and I are at a bus stop, standing on opposite sides of some old lady. We're in college at the time.

He says, "God damn I'm bored."

I look over at a public skating rink and I say, "We could go beat up those kids."

He says, "Nah, let's beat up homeless people."

I say, "Homeless people don't have any money."

He says, "Neither do kids."

I say, "True, but you can sell their organs."

[DavidC]

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I once wore a "No Fat Chicks" t-shirt to a college basketball game... People were looking at me like I was wearing a swastika on my chest

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Dude, what would have been cooler is if you were wearing two tshirts, and you took off the no fat chicks tshirt to reveal the swastika t-shirt.

[nath]

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While passing a church that had a sign that said "28000 abortions a week" I turned to my friend and said it was horrible that church performed that many abortions a week.

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How did THAT flop? It's so obvious. You need new friends.