Bizarre injuries you've suffered

[Keyser.]

When I was really young I had a baseball bat and I was trying to plant the bat on the ground in front of me and then jump over it kind of like you would maybe jump over a fence post by planting your hands on it and swinging over straddle-style. I didn't jump far enough and the bat connected directly with by ass and probably would have penetrated had I not been wearing clothes. it hurt really bad.

[BigPoppa]

I pulled a back muscle picking up a piece of paper off the ground.
I really, really hope it was the bending over and not the weight of the paper.

[kevin017]

oh i have another. i was practicing baseball in 7th grade, was on first base. pitcher tried to pick me off, i ran back, the ball hit me right in the face on my cheek. my cheek was really swollen. At school the next day I tried to lean on it to hide it, but realized fast that this made it 100x worse, so once i realized this i went and stood outside between each class (cold out) and it shrunk to almost being unnoticeable.

[train.]

I was running atop a brick wall that was about 2-3 feet high. At the corner there was a "post" about 4-5 feet high and about 2 foot square on top. I jumped up on the post and missed, kinda summersaulted over the top and pile drove myself into the sidwalk. 5 stitches in the top of my head.

I went outside barefooted one time and stuck something in the bottom of my foot. It bothered me for over a month and I went to the doctor twice about and he said it was scar tissue inside my foot. A bit later a wooden splinter about 1/4" long came out the top of my foot.

[AquaSwing]

Around 2nd grade I was running behind my buddy behind the houses in our neighborhood. He stepped in the bees nest and I got stung about 45 times. He didn't get stung at all.

The next summer I was riding my Junior Sting-Ray down a big hill and I found out my brakes were not working, I could pedal backwards and the pedals would just go round and round. Uh oh. I ran full speed into a metal chain that was blocking the road. I don't exaclty know what happened next but the result was the bike and I were in a twisted mess and I had racked myself pretty good on the bar. Blood oozed out of my pee pee for two weeks.

Fast forward to July 4th, 2004. I was slicing a standing rib roast with a 10" chefs knife. It was wet under the cutting board and the whole thing starting sliding toward me. As I attempted to grab the roast and save it from falling to the floor, I missed the roast and grabbed the knife instead. Cut all five fingers and the worst was my middle finger that I cut to the bone. Twelve stitches in all.

The next spring I was rolling the garbage bin to the curb for pickup and slipped off the curb and rolled my foot under my leg. Figured it was just a sprain but went to the doctor anyway. After the x-ray, the doctor informed me that I had stretched all the ligaments but instead of any of them actually snapping, the big one actually tore a piece of bone from its home.

There are more, including a major injury to each eye. But that's another story.

[happyhappyhappy]

I was sitting at my computer a few years ago, reading something online. Heard a buzzing and looked up to see a yellow jacket flying around my ceiling light. Grabbed a newspaper and stood up right as I see the yellow jacket gearing up to make a run at me. He did, and landed it. Right on my eye lid.

The left side of my face blew up for a bout a week, elephant man style. My cell phone had died, so the next morning I emailed work to tell them what happened, they didn't believe me and said that not showing up would be considered quitting. So I grabbed my aviators, put em on and drove down. I made sure I was within a foot of my boss when I took them off. It was great.

Other one was a fistfight with my older brother when I was 16. I bit my tongue as he landed a punch to my chin, and my tongue exploded right down the middle, almost an inch in. My tongue looked like a snake's tongue to the t, and I had to have 16 stitches on the inside of my tongue, which before they did that they had to give me my novacaine by giving my the shot in the underside of my tongue.

Sometimes now I wished I had left it like that. I'd be world renowned for my cunnilingus, and could have made a ton in porn. Ah, what could have been.

[diamonddawg]

Used to horseback ride alot as a tween. Was lazy and often rode without saddling the horse. Was rilly lazy and often rode without shoes (I don't need shoes! The horse is walking!)
One day, came upon a fence with a gate that was usually unlocked/open but this time there was a rope loop (deterrent wtf?) that had to be undone. I sidestepped the horse as close as possible to the fence so my lazy ass could just reach down and slip the tie off the gate.
Horse, being well-natured, got me as close to the fence as possible. Fence made of brand new razor wire. Can you say tetnus shots in the arse?
Still have jagged scar on top of right foot.

[Victor]

bone spur underneath my big toe. really weird, dont know how it developed. doc cut off most of my toenail and pulled out a little piece of bone.

[Kramer.]

8th grade, was at my grandma's house in the country and my cousin showed up with his ATV. My cousin was driving, I rode on the back. Didn't realize there were foot pegs to put my feet on, so I just held them up in the air. Eventually, one of the rear wheels ran up the back of my leg. Snapped my ankle, but I had cool tire track marks all up and down my leg.

[Milo]

Went skinny dipping with my (female and sadly platonic) housemates back in college and got stung by a jellyfish. Had to go to the ER the next day. Painful AND embarrassing as hell.