jokes you've made IRL that flopped

[eviljeff]

In some college class we had to give a presentation related to biology. Two hotties are going on about making some massive genetic database so we can trace our ancestry. Discussion comes up about finding out you're related to Hitler, etc. At the end of the crappy presentation the TA says, "Jane you didn't put your last name on the hard copy." Jane says, "Oh it's the same as hers, we're sisters." I call out from the back, "OR ARE YOU????" Silence.

Recently walked down to the corner deli for a sandwich. The guys all know me there because I get food there at least 4 times a week. It's like 1 am and the grill is inexplicably COVERED in bacon. I feign looking at the menu, point, and say, "Yes I'd like the TWELVE POUNDS OF BACON, please." Stare. "Uh, actually I'll have a godfather."