The goggles

[slothinator]

Doc: "And as you can see from this green dye I've injected into your father..."

Nurse: "Doctor, I haven't injected the dye yet."

[F. McSimmons]

"One day, your wife is making you your favorite meal. The next day you're thawing a hotdog in a gas station sink."

[darksideofthewal]

Marge: "Homer stop it, you're gonna kill us all."
Homer: "Or die trying"

[MissChriss]

Ralph: [whispering] Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?
Lisa: [whispering] Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.
Ralph: [pauses] My cat's name is Mittens

[Fingerswinger]

The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.

[Passaman]

Can't believe I just now remembered my very favorite:

Homer: Bart is kidnapped? This is the worst Thanksgiving ever!

Marge: Homer, Thanksgiving is three months away.

Homer: The news keeps getting worse!!

[PJo336]

ralph: is this my house?

lisa: no, you live in a different house

ralph: CHOOO CHOOO

[schundler]

[protestors are picketing outside of Krusty's trailer]

Mrs. Lovejoy: Stop corrupting our children!
Krusty: No.

[frostbrn]

[Homer and marge in the moon bounce castle]

Homer: "This must be what it's like on the moon"
Marge: "You've been to the moon"
Homer: "And yet, I've never been to me"

[Triumph36]

Homer: [lifts suitcase] Hey, someone's traveling light.
Lisa: [downcast] Maybe you're getting stronger.
Homer: [proudly] Well, I have been eating more!