Ask the 2+2 Ladies Your Questions

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1. Insist on driving, let him read a book or something
2. Yes, we like familiar comforts. We do all our aggro at work, and want peace and quiet back at the old cave.

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Ignore the man behind the curtain, he lies!

1. Your guys needs anger management. For future reference, anything you say to him while he's driving like this will only make his temper/agression worse. This won;t change unless he sees the need to change. It's a testosterone thing.

2. You're saying you can't see any depth in a film? The second time you watch a film you don't see something new, or a different meaning to what you saw the first time? And, in anything in life, if you find something beautiful, you never look twice at it and admire the beauty? Men are more visual (whatever that means) than women.

[Zurvan]

1. Katy - how old is your bf? Does he drive in traffic to work? When I was commuting, I drove liek that. Now, I don't bother. Driving is a lot less stressful and competitive when you're not spending 3-4 hours a day in traffic.

2. Why watch a new movie, when you can watch one you already know is good? You're guaranteed not to waste the next 2 hours of your life.

[pryor15]

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2. You're saying you can't see any depth in a film? The second time you watch a film you don't see something new, or a different meaning to what you saw the first time? And, in anything in life, if you find something beautiful, you never look twice at it and admire the beauty? Men are more visual (whatever that means) than women.

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i think Katy's referring to comedies and action movies and whatnot where after the 6th viewing, you've pretty much squeezed all nuance out of it (assuming there was some to begin with)...yet, people will watch it 15, 20, 30 times.


Katy,

mostly it's comforting like db said

[MyJunkIsYou]

Katy,
My mom and dad have a similar dynamic/problem. Although my dad doesn't curse or yell usually, and I wouldn't even characterize his driving as "maniacal" but....let's just say he drives very aggressively, like what you were describing. My mom always gasps when it looks like a collision is a sudden possibility, and my dad gets mad at her for freaking out. I think this whole thing boils down to:
1) guys tend to naturally be impatient and always want to do things "better", in this case faster, more efficiently...even if the difference in minutes is trivial or even if it's just an illusion of time-saving success. It's just an instinctive drive that is either competitive or self-competitive, such that getting from point A to point B is somehow attached to the sense of manhood...

2. I know my dad gets frustrated at my mom freaking out because she is a nervous passenger too, but based on empirical results (my dad's never gotten into an accident) she should be fine, because the truth is he is indeed a very good, aware, and reactive driver. But my mom still thinks he's not going to see the merging car or something, or at least on a physiological level she feels that [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

3) I think it's very difficult to "change" people, so I only see two ways around this issue: either you're gonna have to be the one to drive, or you're going to have to learn to just take a leap of faith and go into the driving situations with a purposeful delusion that it'll be completely safe and fine so that it doesn't bother you. Or I guess you could do what my mom does, since neither of those are possible for her, which is just endure the suffering of nervousness :P I PERSONALLY am not recommending this latter option; my mom and I have very different sets of values and principles. I'd never not expect someone to understand and not want me to be uncomfortable.

You could try having a serious talk with him, bringing it up in a tactful way like right after he's in a good mood and you two have had an affectionate moment like at night, and just say "honey, there's something I wanted to talk to you about.." and make him understand how much it makes you anxious, all the while mentioning how much you care about him and trust him but don't paint it like it's his fault, talk about how "you're not a good passenger" etc. I really think this ought to do the trick. I know that if a girlfriend of mine did that to me, my reaction would be like "omg sweetie! I'm so sorry I've been insensitive to this, I'll try to be a more cautious driver or you can drive etc."

As for your other question...Hmm. I didn't/don't think this is an exclusive-to-male issue, sounds just like a personality factor where some people like watching the same movies over and over, and others always like seeing new ones. At the risk of stating the obvious and sounding very cliche, the solution is you two coming to a compromise about what to watch from week to week.

[MyJunkIsYou]

Cardo, just wanted to say I love your posts and can just tell from your writing that you're a highly intelligent individual. If I was a girl, or if I wasn't straight, I think I'd be in love with you. As it stands, I aspire to be your best friend.
Sincerely,
Junk

[pryor15]

Katy,

where (as in, what part of the country) did this guy learn to drive? if he began driving in, say, Boston, rather than, i dunno, Michigan, it stands to reason that might be part of why he drives like that

[diebitter]

I think these guy questions deserve their own thread. New thread plz if this is the first in a series.

[pryor15]

Katy,

i have a question for you that may have already been covered in the thread. what do women think of the situation where a guy won't pursue a girl because she either previously dated his buddy or his buddy is already pursuing her?

[Anacardo]

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Cardo, just wanted to say I love your posts and can just tell from your writing that you're a highly intelligent individual. If I was a girl, or if I wasn't straight, I think I'd be in love with you. As it stands, I aspire to be your best friend.
Sincerely,
Junk

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Stake me?

[katyseagull]

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1. Insist on driving, let him read a book or something


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Imagine Steve McQueen or Daniel Craig's girlfriends telling them they can't drive [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

I'm pretty sure he would find it an emasculating request.