Ask the 2+2 Ladies Your Questions

[MyJunkIsYou]

not at all wookie - I'm actually not this self-deprecating and psychologically limp most of the time, but when I start feeling that...I just wanted a slap in the face back to reality. You gave it to me. So, thank you! Thanks too katy for your insight.

Question though: this new girl, even though she's got killer good looks...extremely pretty face, perfect figure, etc., very healthy ego..and she's a model/dancer/performer type. She claims to like really dorky sweet awkward guys which would be yay for me! - but I suspect that this is something girls just SAY they want? but really want the sexy masculine guy? In other words, I don't know whether to "be myself" and if I'm nervous or awkard then I'm nervous and awkward and maybe she'll find that endearing.....or whether I should truly go through this inner psychological revolution and become a bold/assertive/highly confident and aggressive guy.

Also, update: she asked when I was seeing this play that we both like next, I said sometime soon I hope because I miss it, then she said "may I suggest May 12th? lol" and "in addition to it being a nicely numbered day, it is also my bday [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]" and then mentioned that she was going to it for her birthday with a few friends "but she won't be able to hang around after because she has to help her friend get across town"....I basically said I'll try to make an appearance (and I naturally will, and already rounded up some friends to accompany me so I don't seem like a loser)

SO uh yeah, she kind of blew up my spot to ask her out. My current plan is to tell her I'm going with some friends of my own and ask her, if she doesn't have separate plans with her friends, if she wants to meet up before the show. Sound good?

[katyseagull]

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She claims to like really dorky sweet awkward guys which would be yay for me! - but I suspect that this is something girls just SAY they want?

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Some girls may actually want this. If she says she does then why disbelieve her? I do think, however, that the majority of girls want a guy who is at least strong and knows his own mind, even if he is dorky. In other words, you don't have to fit a mold or be "sexy masculine" to still be attractive and endearing. But I think the key is to exude some type of strength, even if it's a quiet strength.



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In other words, I don't know whether to "be myself" and if I'm nervous or awkard then I'm nervous and awkward and maybe she'll find that endearing.....or whether I should truly go through this inner psychological revolution and become a bold/assertive/highly confident and aggressive guy.

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I say be yourself and see what happens. But it wouldn't hurt if you tried to be a tiny bit assertive and confident.



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My current plan is to tell her I'm going with some friends of my own and ask her, if she doesn't have separate plans with her friends, if she wants to meet up before the show. Sound good?

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Sounds good to me [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Blarg]

The nervous dorky guy who has the nerve to try his best, come what may, because he just likes a girl and wants her to know it is actually the courageous guy. The brave guy who says nothing is actually the coward. Think about it. Being yourself can be fine. A lot of people are way too scared to.

Just add a healthy dollop of positive optimism to it. Don't be yourself apologetically or tentatively. That's not really courage or really being yourself. You yourself are okay, in most instances for most people. So act like it! Let people enjoy you.

If the girl is on your side, she'll really want to. She'll want to give you the opportunity to do your best. All you have to do is take it. If she'd rather sneer at your efforts, ignore you, or put you down for taking a chance, count yourself lucky you found out quickly what a jerk she is, and move on hurt very little if at all. This is akin in spirit to Wookie's saying make your move and find out right away. You need to know whether she is willing to give you a chance before dumping your time and energy into her.

So be yourself the way you know and like yourself best. If you ever had any chance with her, she'll come along for the ride. If not, so what? There are other girls, and you wouldn't want to interact with them in any way that wasn't all about you being yourself and having a good time.

Be happy in life. Have a good time, and then just let a girl in on it. That way no matter what happens, you'll be making the best of it. And who isn't attracted to that kind of guy? Only people you're well rid of on the one hand, or those who simply aren't your match. No sweat, either way, and you might as well find out who is who, right away, too.

[MyJunkIsYou]

some great advice - thanks so much guys. Makes a lot of sense. I feel less afraid of rejection now. Merci beaucoup

[MrWookie]

I have a few thoughts in response to that.

1. I'm always skeptical about listening to what single girls, especially newly single girls, want in a guy in general. Often times, they're just thinking about their last boyfriend with bad memories and bad emotions and figuring that what they actually want is the exact opposite. Then that opposite happens to come along, and she's not actually attracted. Now, if I'm in a relationship and my gf tells me something she wants from me, that's different.

2. Being more confident and assertive doesn't have to be a psychological revolution. You're still you. You're just putting your best foot forward and cutting out some of the crap. In all likelihood, you won't be able to help slipping up a bit and being a little wimpy some of the time. Oh well. You don't tell a girl on the first date that you fart in bed, but she'll find out eventually. By that point, she hopefully likes you for who you are.

[West]

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Hi Wookie,

Thanks for your advice. Actually option #1 is sort of what I did. I kind of turned my face away so he planted a kiss on my cheek. I think he was surprised by the move. It all happened pretty fast so there wasn't much time for me to think up any good lines. I'm pretty dim witted anyway so little chance it wuold have happened even with time. I did feel sort of lame for giving him my cheek but hey, what are you gonna do?

As for option #2, I actually thought about saying something like this like 10 minutes after I got in the car. That's how slow I am. It takes me forever to think up a response. I probably should have said "lol, you are really drunk aren't you?" but like i said, it happened pretty fast. I'm glad you picked up on the fact that I found it awkward because I didn't want to hurt the guy's feelings. It didn't feel right to say something like "Ew gross, are you kidding?" or "what the hell's wrong with you?" There was a sensitivity issue there, hence, the cheek turn.

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Katy,

If I had a dollar for every time in life I thought of what I really should have said five minutes after the fact, I'd probably be rich. Sounds like you handled it great.

[Anacardo]

This thread is still going? Lolz.

Dear junk, hearken ye unto Blarg and the Wookster, at least with regard to how you should handle yourself, and conceptualize the situation. As for the broader (tee hee) subject of What Women Want, I hereby pledge to stop discussing or soliciting opinions on the subject, as it has occurred to me that I simply cannot speak or think about this subject rationally. I'm getting mad as hell just starting to maybe kinda think about it. Then again I'm mad about a lot of things. Consider. It's well into the second quarter of 2007, and I still can't toss a quarter into the air and vaporize it before it hits the ground, with some sort of hand-held laser emitting device. The future is a crock of [censored] [censored].

[katyseagull]

Hi Cardo,

Was wondering where you were. Ok so you are sick of discussing what women want. That's cool.

Perhaps you can weigh in on this. I've got questions about male behavior.

Dear Loungers, help me figure out men.

1. Here’s a big problem I have with my guy. He drives like a maniac. He flies down the interstate cursing and hollering at other motorists, weaving in and out of the lanes as if he is trying to win some kind of race. When I tell him he’s scaring the [censored] out of me he always goes - “Would you chill out! I'm trying to get in front of that truck,” or “just trying to pass that [censored] who cut me off back there. Stop freaking out.”

He acts like it's some kind of race and it’s detrimental to win. Do guys even realize this is not a winnable a race? There will always be other [censored] cutting them off and blocking their view. How do I get him to not do this when I'm in the car? I'm a very nervous passenger. Any suggestions? Turns out he's not very pleased when I scream. (Gah, have I asked you guys this before? Forgive me please. I'm losing my memory!)


2. Why do guys watch the same movie over and over again. Is it comforting or something? I can’t watch the same movie over and over. It bores me to tears to have to keep watching Shawshank and Lethal Weapon. Is this a guy thing or does everyone do it? Women, have you noticed this?

[diebitter]

1. Insist on driving, let him read a book or something
2. Yes, we like familiar comforts. We do all our aggro at work, and want peace and quiet back at the old cave.

[Sniper]

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1. Insist on driving, let him read a book or something
2. Yes, we like familiar comforts. We do all our aggro at work, and want peace and quiet back at the old cave.

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I agree with Carter, but I'll add 2 bonus points...

1. Buy/Rent more videos
2. Tell him to increase his stamina... wtf, how does he have time to watch the same movie repeatedly when you are around... [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]