Ask the 2+2 Ladies Your Questions

[Blarg]

I think the real question is, Why are drunks so weird?

[MyJunkIsYou]

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I spoke with girl A and I'm meeting up with them again at the next show (which is next week).


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MyJunkIsYou, any update?

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So I was to meet her and her friend at the show....Well, I got there, and it was sold out. Turns out it was sold out but I managed to get in because someone overheard me pleading and had an extra ticket; her friend cancelled last minute. About 15 minutes into the show I get a text message from girl A saying they're not being let in because it's sold out and all full, and if I'm in.

Long story short, we exchange a few text messages but they end up splitting since the show was 2 hours.

Girl A and I email each other in the following few days, she gives me girl C's email. I email girl C. Girl C and I already have bought our tickets for next show, which is at the end of this month.

A) I'm pessimistic that I've already fallen into just-friends zone with her, or that she was never really interested in me in the first place

B) I've a new romantic interest, advice on which I'll probably request shortly [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] I've sort of realized I have a problem: I have no idea how to express my interest in girls without feeling like I'm worriedabout coming across as creepy or a loser. I suppose this is because even though I'm not bad looking, I had self-esteem issues in high school, am naturally introverted, and am not the sharpest knife in the drawer (read: fairly dull) when it comes to fashion and style and all that stuff...
but anyway...a new post to come re: new girl. feedback appreciated as always

[MyJunkIsYou]

so here's the latest situation/challenge for clueless me...

Haven't actually met this girl. She's 20, goes to school here in nyc, we "met" through an internet message board relating to the arts, so right off the bat there's common interests. This led to myspace exchanges and AIM communications...we've both seen each others' pictures and when she started talking to me enthusiastically in IM, I grew excited because, well, she's a knock-out..like one of those REALLY pretty types. Plenty healthy ego, heh. But as we talked this past week, she's actually really fun and playful and (com)passionate, and now I legitimately like her more than just as eye candy. I'm barely able to ask a girl out under normal circumstances as is, so asking a way to "meet her" or a "date" or whatever it would be called...is something I'm in no way comfortable with. My friend suggested something simple as just randomly saying "hey so I was thinking, we've been talking a lot and if you'd like we should meet up for coffee"....that's her phrasing, but I'm worried it's too cheesey and would just make her think I'm lame, which I guess it's obvious I feel like I am, hah. I actually think in the past day or two I might have killed any attraction she had for me by being too over-eager in our conversations, which had been raging with shared interest earlier in the week.

I guess that about covers it. Help, sil vous plait.

[katyseagull]

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My first inclination is that you have 3ish options.

1. Lightly give him a kiss on the cheek, or one of those where there's cheek-to-cheek contact and you make a kissing noise, but your lips don't actually touch his face. No big deal. People do this all the time as just a casual greeting.

2. Just say no. "You're drunk, hon, and you're girlfriend is right over there." I think including the comment about him being drunk is key. He'll feel much less awkward about being turned down.



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Hi Wookie,

Thanks for your advice. Actually option #1 is sort of what I did. I kind of turned my face away so he planted a kiss on my cheek. I think he was surprised by the move. It all happened pretty fast so there wasn't much time for me to think up any good lines. I'm pretty dim witted anyway so little chance it wuold have happened even with time. I did feel sort of lame for giving him my cheek but hey, what are you gonna do?

As for option #2, I actually thought about saying something like this like 10 minutes after I got in the car. That's how slow I am. It takes me forever to think up a response. I probably should have said "lol, you are really drunk aren't you?" but like i said, it happened pretty fast. I'm glad you picked up on the fact that I found it awkward because I didn't want to hurt the guy's feelings. It didn't feel right to say something like "Ew gross, are you kidding?" or "what the hell's wrong with you?" There was a sensitivity issue there, hence, the cheek turn.

[MrWookie]

"hey so I was thinking, we've been talking a lot and if you'd like we should meet up for coffee"

Too much BS makes you sound like a wimp. Grow a pair, man up, and ask her out straight up. Cute girls are no scarier than plain ones. What's the worst that can happen? She says no? Big whoop. You're in exactly the same spot as you were right before you asked her. I think one of the most important lessons in dating for men to learn is that getting rejected is completely inconsequential to your wellbeing or ego, especially if she's only a casual acquaintance or online buddy.

Next time you chat online, just tell her, "We should continue this over a cup of coffee." Then proceed to set a date and time. Don't add any wimpy crap that you think will either make her warm up to saying yes or soften the blow on your ego if she says no. You're a man, and no real man gives two [censored] whether some chick online doesn't want to date him, no matter how hot she is. Real men also don't cushion their statements. Donald Trump doesn't say, "So, uhh, yeah, I'm sorry, but I don't think you're quite right for me. I think I'm gonna have to let you go." The Soup Nazi doesn't say "Uhh, sorry, I think I'm going to have to, like, not sell you any soup." Capt. Picard doesn't say "Alright guys, uhh, yeah, that sounds like a pretty good plan. Would you, uhh, kindly get working on it when you can?"

Cute girls want real men. That doesn't mean you have to be rude, chauvinistic, uncouth, or cocky. But it does mean you should cut any wimpy crap out of your dating life. At the very least, hide it until she's hooked [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img].

[katyseagull]

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Yeah, its easy though for everyone to comment because we have the luxury of thinking out our responses. It would be very awkward.

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haha, I always think it's easy to give other people advice too. I love trying to offer advice. But for some reason I find it hard to give myself advice. I find myself in these situations and I freeze up. My problem is I second guess myself. I'm like "well this is awfully weird. Hm, maybe it's not so weird at all, maybe it's just me. MAYBE I'M WEIRD! Maybe I'm freakin clueless. Maybe asking a friend for a kiss is perfectly normal." GAHH. I need internet people to help me navigate my way through life [img]/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

But yes, it was incredibly awkward.

[katyseagull]

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Tell him anyone who kisses you has to kiss your boyfriend first.

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This made me laugh. I'm going to have to remember this line. I should write it down and put it in my purse.

[katyseagull]

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I've sort of realized I have a problem: I have no idea how to express my interest in girls without feeling like I'm worriedabout coming across as creepy or a loser. I suppose this is because even though I'm not bad looking, I had self-esteem issues in high school, am naturally introverted, and am not the sharpest knife in the drawer (read: fairly dull) when it comes to fashion and style and all that stuff...
but anyway...a new post to come re: new girl. feedback appreciated as always

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Myjunk,

I think a lot of us can relate. Trust me, I'm rather a dull knife myself and introverted too. But you have to lose this attitude right away. Don’t ever put yourself down and don’t ever think of yourself as coming across like a loser when you’re trying to get a girl’s attention. That’s really bad.

We all thought you should have been a lot more forward with Girl "C" as she was giving you every opportunity to ask her out or, at the very least, to get her number. You are really going to have to stop holding back and being so cautious always wondering what the other person is thinking and wondering if you’ve misread them. Just say what’s on your mind and be forward without being rude.

Wookie has given you great advice. Take it. Cute girls like real men, not wimpy men.

Here's how I see it. You can either go for it and really put yourself out there (ask her out!) or you can move into the friend zone. There's nothing wrong with being in the friend zone if that’s what you want. On the internet friends can grow close and if you're funny and cool she may just want to meet up with you sometime down the road. That’s always a possibility. But I really think you should give a lot of thought to Wookie’s advice.

[MrWookie]

Also Junk,

I hope you didn't take my advice to you as rude. I didn't mean to be off-putting, but I did write that little bit sort of "in character."

You sound a lot like me. I'm an introvert, a classic "nice guy" (often, anyway), and no one really taught me how to deal w/ dating. Consequently, I made a lot of dumb mistakes, mostly along the lines of being too wimpy. I still do, sometimes, but I'm at least getting over it. One thing I didn't really get a handle on until later in college, even, is that one of the surest ways to come off creepy to a girl is with a lot of the wimpy, hesitant behavior you likely do around them. I was out salsa dancing once, and some of the Mexican guys there would let the girls I came with EXACTLY how attracted to them they were. They were a little off-put, but it was the guy who stood in the corner and just looked at them every now and then who got the creepy label. He might have been a rapist. He might have been just nervous. My money's on him getting a bad rap. Had he just come over to them first thing, asked them to dance and struck up a conversation, he would have come off quite gentlemanly to them, especially compared to the cat calls.

Here's another valuable thing it took me too long to figure out. You don't wait to be sure the girl is interested before getting her number, asking her out, giving her a goodnight kiss after your first date, or even asking her up to your place. Instead, you make your move, and THAT's how you know if she's interested. Women say they give off signals, but both women and us men know we're bad at reading them. Instead, go for the signals you know you'll understand, like saying yes, or kissing you back. Not only does being more direct make you more attractive and less creepy, you're not held in suspense anymore. Go for it, and then you'll know whether you (a) Profit! or (b) move on to the next girl (there's ALWAYS the next girl).

[katyseagull]

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Instead, go for the signals you know you'll understand, like saying yes, or kissing you back. Not only does being more direct make you more attractive and less creepy, you're not held in suspense anymore. Go for it, and then you'll know whether you (a) Profit! or (b) move on to the next girl (there's ALWAYS the next girl).

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I agree with this. Nice post, MrWookie.